Desperately worried and stressed...

[HarijukuLover]

I'm a name changer (I regularly name change on MN to protect my identity for various reasons) ...some of you will guess who I am. Apologies for the epic rant in advance.

Brief background - DS is 5 and has AS. He is coming to the end of reception in the school he has been at for two years (one year of nursery + one yr reception). He is on SA+ since nursery, a Stat Ass was done a few weeks back and I have been told verbally by the LEA that a proposed statement is imminent. It looks like the statement will propose a full time 1-2-1 LSA. He has had full time 1-2-1 since Jan (cobbled together by TAs) and a full time 1-2-1 LSA has been funded by contingency money from an agency for the last six weeks.

In short, he is struggling severely with school. Not a day goes by that he isn't seriously disruptive or violent towards staff and classmates. His new trick is attempting to scale the 12 foot fence and escape from school . He has bitten his 'new' LSA and stabbed her with a pencil today. The school are struggling badly to cope with him. He has been excluded many times this term, and despite a wealth of resources to support him - fortnightly SALT and CAMHS appts, ASD advisory teachers in school to train staff, all sorts of input from Ed Psych, OT, outreach staff from the local special school etc - it isn't working.

I am geared up to reject the proposed statement when it comes through (deadline is end of the monthly have been told verbally it will probably arrive well before that), because we (me and DH) are pretty much decided that we want to take him out of the school and get the LEA to fund a place at a MS school with a small ASD unit (lovely place).

But I am running out of steam . Battling on behalf of DS has been a pretty much constant thing since he was a toddler. I am struggling to cope with my other responsibilities in life and I am sick in the pit of my stomach about having to now fight yet again to get my son the support he needs.

I know there are just a few weeks left until the end of term, but I just cannot face another day of this. The school ring me to ask me to pick him up. Or at home time, I have to stay behind to hear the gory details of DS's 'bad' day. And DS seems increasingly stressed. It is almost as if school poisons him. He becomes so tense and angry the minute he is arrives. I feel like I am failing him every morning that I pack him off there. Bit what can I do? I really feel like keeping him at home now and home schooling him until we can get this ASD unit place sorted for him. but would this be a terrible move?

God, I am so stressed with it all. Every day is a struggle.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Definitely get a copy of that comment. it is so pathetic and shows a complete lack of understanding of the difficulties your ds has.

Try to get the school to admit they can't meet ds's needs even if it is only by sending a copy of your meeting notes to the school which say something like "despite all the schools efforts the headteacher now beleives x school is unable to meet needs". that will be dynamite with LEA.

Hi,

Please suggest your sons LSA does a little research on AS - of course he has behavioural issues!! It's not something you can cure by having a little chat - the SEN equivalent of a Lourdes miracle!!

One of the biggest problems with some support approaches is this constant need to try and change them into 'normal' kids. The real challenge is to try and help them cope with their diagnosis and to try and include as much as possible into what we call normal society.

At school, that may well be the challenge itself - just getting them to school and keeping them there. They have to feel safe, secure and not threatened. That may well mean the curriculumn goes out the window, it may well mean that he may still be struggling with his maths.

These kids need time to adapt to there situation and surroundings. It might mean just starting with a couple of hours in the morning and slowly building on this over a period of time. If at the end of a term your child is happy to go to school, feels safe and secure then the learning can take place next term.

These kids are bright. In most cases they do learn quickly and have the ability to catch up. Thats the point of differentiated learning - you don't just tweek the lesson plan - you may have to tweek the time scale as well. This should be possible with one to one support and working closly with the parents. Most parents are very willing and keen to help in their childs education - not all the learning has to be in school. It can be a balanced ans shared experience.

As with any ASD child there is no specific prescriptive solution. A school has an armoury of materials, equipment, staff, skills knowledge etc. You may have to go through the whole arsenal to find the right solution or combination of solutions. Thats the job.

I know I'm propably ranting hear, but Rome was not built in a day. It was built brick by brick, day by day. You start with the very small - an hour or two a day - make sure its the most positive experience you can give him, then move onto day 2.

Sometimes I think we expect too much from these kids and they are not given enough opportunities to succeed. A number of tiny and positive success can be built on day by day. Don't run, go slowly - crawl if you have to but don't let them fall.

By the way - I'm starting to feel like one of the girls now - yes, even men have feelings!!

Kind regards

Steve

By all means keep him at home. Say he is poorly, school phobic, truanting, not safeor whatever, but do not say you are homeschooling him as then u alone are responsible for his education and the school & LA r off the hook