aibu (if I may)

[cory]

to be proud and hurt at the same time

have just posted as follows on a Celebrations thread in another section, about ds' school report:

"My celebration is that ds brought home his school report from Yr 5. He has exceeded expectation in both reading and science despite having had an absolutely crap year with only 72% attendance due to a painful disability which was diagnosed about this time last year. And as the report amply shows, at no time, not once, has he shown any bitterness or taken his disappointment out on anyone.

(at no point did the report mention that his disability actually affects his ability to deal with school subjects or that you might expect a small boy to be affected by such an upheaval in his life- but that doesn't surprise me, I know the school)"

And now realise that I am actually both hurt and angry. The school does not mention that he has a disability, nor that there is any reason for his absences (he is basically only absent when in so much pain that he cannot sit in a wheelchair).

The headteacher's comment reads as follows:

"Although coryds does have potential, his poor attendance means that he is not making the progress he is capable of."

Full stop. Nothing more. No comment to the effect that he even knows that ds is disabled and ill and in pain (the school has, of course, been supplied with full details). Nothing about the courage it must take for a little boy to go into school and take part in the learning, and even in PE, when he knows he can collapse in agonising pain at any moment. Nothing about the fact that holding a pen hurts, that sitting on a chair hurts, that it is harder to concentrate if you hurt.

It is not the same headteacher who used to persecute dd, but it is the same school. And from what I have been told (by social services amongst others) they still have a very poor record for SN.

Come to think of it, no part of the report mentions ds' disability: they note that he has difficulty in making things stick together- everything seems to fall apart, but fail to mention that that's because his bloody joints are falling apart.

They do have a parents evening with a comments form for parents, but I won't be there; it's conference week, so dh will be going in. Think I might write him a letter to copy onto one of the forms.

Or do I just need to get over myself and concentrate on essentials- ds has done great, things are not easy for him, I am proud of him!

YANBU.

I would be extremely annoyed. The comment about attendance makes it sound as though it's something that he (and therefore you) should have more control over.

At our school (IME at least) the reports will usually mention any extenuating circumstances when it comes to particular difficulties with a subject.

Your ds deserves a heck of a lot more recognition of all that he's been through over the past year - not a snide dig about attendance.

Rewrite that section of the report and tell them you expect them to change it.

The school acknowledging your ds has a disability IS an essential.

yanbu. it's wrong not to acknowledge his disability and the extra effort he has to make every day.

I thought the DPA required the school to keep accurate records. Omissions are just as inaccurate as factually wrong statements.

Can you tell them that he has had 100% attendance when his disability wasn't preventing him from attending, just like anyone else with 100% attendance in his class.

I like the letter.

(I think you might have accidentally mentioned his RL name in it too though. Just thought I'd mention it in case you want it taking off.)

Shucks, how do I take it off? Yes, I didn't mean to do that.

agree with you. Good letter. And what a polite thread title (if I may)

my dd's attendence is pretty shocking but at least her report references the fact she has cack health. There's also a mention that her lack of physio progress is not helped by a massive weight gain ('unfortunately unavoidable due to her condition')

Have reported myself

Thanks for keeping an eye out, coppertop!

report yr post and ask for it to be deleted

have done, thanks, herjazz

No problem.

MNHQ are usually pretty quick with those kinds of deletions.

Looks good tho i believe towards the end you mention ds name Cory?

have asked for post to be deleted, marvelous, thanks anyway

Very good letter.

Before this disappears, just wanted to add, I think it's an excellent letter. Very clear, courteous, but very very firm.

thanks everybody, your support means a lot

missed this before letter was deleted!

just wanted to say - although our kids issues are different - I can identify with this - I feel that DS's school haven't really acknowledged how much effort it takes an unsupported child with receptive language delay to access the curriculum - because he's well behaved and doing OK academically it's easy to ignore the fact he can't hold a conversation in the same way as a typical 6 year old!

This is the version that is going off this morning:

Dear Mr Headteacher,
We were pleased to read Coryds?s detailed and positive school report. However, we were a little taken aback by the short and rather misleading head teacher?s comment at the end: ?Although Coryds does have potential, his poor attendance means that he is not making the progress he is capable of?.
This comment does not seem to show any awareness of the fact that Coryds has developed a painful and chronic joint condition in the last 18 months, a condition which not only accounts for his absences, but also makes many aspects of the school day hard for him to cope with. Indeed, no one would be able to tell from this report that Coryds is not simply truanting. As the full nature of his disability has been explained to the school (with supporting paediatric evidence and SENCO involvement), we would have expected to see some recognition of it in the report. Though very grateful for the support offered by Mrs FormTutor and Miss SENCO during the year, we are concerned about the lack of communication within the school that seems to lie behind this comment.
It takes a good deal of courage for a small boy to come into school when he knows that he may collapse in agonising pain at any moment. It takes commitment to persevere in written work when holding a pen hurts. It is difficult to concentrate when you are in pain, and it takes maturity not to become bitter or rebellious when you are frightened about the future.
It must feel very discouraging not to be praised for this effort, which, as Coryds well knows, is one that none of his peers has had to make, but instead to find that his head teacher?s comment focuses entirely on that part of his record which is outside his control.
We are well aware that our son has potential. He also has commitment, maturity and immense courage. We would like to see some recognition of this in the head teacher?s comment.
If we may suggest a course of action, it would be to rewrite this part of the report along the following lines:
?Coryds has had a difficult year due to his Ehlers Danlos syndrome. This has not only led to a high level of absences, but has also made aspects of school work very difficult for him. It is greatly to his credit that he has persevered in his learning and still managed to make good progress in several key areas. CluelessWithSN School is committed to supporting him in any way we can, and we feel sure that his positive attitude will help him to overcome his difficulties?.
This would reassure Coryds that his difficulties are understood by the school and that the extra efforts he has made are noticed and appreciated.
Yours sincerely,
Mr and Mrs Cory

excellent letter.

Thanks.

Feel a bit unhappy about rocking the boat, since our last 2 years of dealing with this school (since former head left) have been so peaceful. But am also very aware that part of the trouble we had with previous head (apart from his own bastardhood) was due to us trusting to his good sense and goodwill for far too long, until we found ourselves in a situation where we had no option but to get confrontational.

This time we must do things better.