I started to cry

[roomforthree]

I hope you don't mind me posting here. I read regularly, but very rarely post.

DD started at nursery school a few weeks ago had her sports day this am. She ran in a race, and then the teacher took her class to the side to wait for another race. She has difficulty remembering and following instructions because she has very frequent absence seizures.

She ran out onto the track because she saw me on the other side, and knocked over a girl from the reception class, who started to howl. I ran out to pick up DD, and whilst comforting her, apologised to the little girl and her mum and asked if she was ok. The mum gave me such a filthy look and many of the other parents were tutting and shaking their heads. I managed to get back to the side, then burst into tears, so I left.

To make matters worse, DH is pissed off with me because I didn't confront the woman.

I feel like shit. This has sharply brought into focus the attitudes we are going to have to deal with. DD's disabilty is not visible to most people, and it makes me feel sick that she's going to be perceived as naughty or disruptive. Are other parents going to start complaining about her?(unfortunately, some of the parents at the school have a history of making complaints against children with ASD / ADHD ) I'm just going to have to get used to it, aren't I?

Sorry for the long winded, self-indulgent post, I just need to offload, and DH is being a twat, so I can't talk to him.

I get exactly the same attitude,it's hard,but i hear we all grow a thick skin eventually! Keep posting here,the people are lovely and have stopped me crying eventually!

i mean regularly,not eventually!

What a horrible experience, it's so hard isn't it when you can see other parents giving you dirty looks and you know you'll never be able to explain, change their minds, do anything except walk away and try not to cry in front of them.

I try to remember my mantra: those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.

Thanks for replying jellyhead.

I think I'm being over-sensitve, but disabilty aside, (and to be fair they don't know about it) they tutted and shook heads at a 3-year old.

It just made me realise if they have this attitude about a very small child, how is she going to be judged when she gets older?

Cross-posts with all of you.

Thanks so much for the support and advice

I'm crying again but in a "thank god somebody understands" way.

seriously, the teacher took a group of 3 year olds to one side, and expected them to follow an instruction to wait?!

your dd is NOT the one with the problem, here.

but I know how it feels - dd1 would have done exactly the same (as would dd2, for that matter, adn she is NT!), and it is horrible when all of a sudden you feel the disability weight pressig down on your shoulders.

But honestly, the teacher was wrong to expect teh children to wait, and as for the parents who judge a 3 year old fr running to her mum? words fail me, tbh.

Agree with silverfrog that the teacher is at fault. If she was unable to follow the instructions the teacher was giving, the teacher should have either adapted the instruction or ensured your dd was supported in order to be 'included'.

As for the mother. Well, it's a tough old world for sure and I can't say without certainty that I would have reacted badly to a child having knocked mine down. I probably wouldn't have been rude, but in that immediate incident I may well have not wanted to engage with the other parent at that point, simply because I would be trying to figure out what happened and comfort my child. I probably would have forgotten about it 5 mins later though.

I don't agree you should have confronted her either. She's just had a child knocked over. It wasn't your dd's fault but she'll still feel the way she'll feel, - protective and cross with anyone that upsets her. It's how we all are as parents. She sounds a bit OTT but lots of parents are, especially with their first. I wouldn't get depressed about it being a sign of things to come. It might be, but it might not.

If parents ever do start to complain, ask that the teacher set up a 5 min meeting/training with a group of them to explain your dd and her difficulties and their solutions/provision. She is THEIR responsibility whilst she is in their care after all.

I agree silverfrog, I was just about to walk around to her, because I knew there was no chance she'd stay put.

she came 3rd in the race despite having a couple of seizures while she was running!

Thanks for the perspective and advice starofvalkyrie.

Poor you (hugs)...I've been there. Don't blame yourself for crying- the I other parents reaction was totally ridiculous- maybe seeing how upset you were will make them realise how petty they were being?

x

Well done to your DD for running the race. Children at that age have accidents and bump into each other all the time in a physical/playground environment. After all they are only 3!!! I was at the playground one day when a little boy did not wait for DD to finish and went down the slide and gave her a real kicking in the back (DD was three at the time and is diagnosed with ASD). Mother of the boy was mortified but I was fine with it (obviously felt for DD who was crying) although we did leave afterwards! IMO mother of other child at sports day was being unreasonable and so were other parents who tutted!!!!!!!