DD tried to stab me this morning with a carving knife

[londongirl4]

I just wondered if others were dealing with challenging behaviour. My 7yo autistic girl has been v unsettled at school recently (I think because of the transition between years)...I've spoken to the school this morning and things are being put in place to help her.

It's been a hellish week, she's trashed our house, broken one of my teeth and attacked her sister as well as self-harmed. She used to do this a lot, but it's taken me by surprise, especially the ferocity of it....She's pretty strong and I'm just worried about how to cope with her as she came very close to stabbing me this morning....obviously I'm going to have to hide the knives, but she's so volatile.

Does anyone else's SN kids do this to them?

Rae
x

how awful for you-are you getting support from CAMHS?

I don't have a child with autism but complex needs so although I don't really understand what you are going through I do know that you need to get support to make life easier at least.

Do talk to your school teacher, or School Governors.

And also get a carer's assessment from your local Social services as you are entitled to this, even if they then tell you they can't provide it all - at least you may have an idea of what you should or could be getting.

If school aren't supportive enough then approach your local Parent Partnership (have a look on the internet), they can tell you what support school could give, and also they do a bit of handholding if you need to attend any meetings or go to appeal.

Also contact any local or national support groups for autism - like Autism West Midlands or National Autistic Society. They can give you support, information, and advice including a helpline, training in behaviour management, or courses in understanding autism. They might also have some useful information leaflets for school with suggestions on how best to deal with a child with autism.

Your local Family Information Service (try searching online or at your library) might have details of specialist playschemes that will take disabled children.

Also look out for the national KIDS charity who provide play & leisure for disabled children. They might be running a scheme locally or if not see if they can set something up locally or perhaps train any local staff in their ways of working with any disabled child.

It might be that initially you need to look at some solutions to behaviour management taking a holistic approach to see what it is that sets off certain types of behaviour. From there you might be able to get some training and support from various agencies mentioned above and it might be a case of one step at a time, but at least it's a step forward, even if slower than you might want.

Keep up the good work, you are a caring person, you want to do the best for your children, but remember ask questions, and don't be afraid to tell your GP or any health professionals you are in touch with if you are finding it difficult. They are there to help you and if you don't tell them you are struggling they won't know. And be persistent. If they don't come back to you after a week or two, ask again - but ask.

Good luck.

You poor thing, that sounds really hard for all of you.

Is she in mainstream or SN school? They need to support you - transition is a really tough time of year.

I would recommend Team Teach if you can find a course, it is about restraint, but most of it is about not getting to the stage where you need restraint IYKWIM. Also, a chap called Dave Hewett (I think, sp) does some brilliant stuff about avoiding escalations.

You need to debrief, too, you need someone you can chat to about the detail of the incident. It might be helpful to keep a record too - what led up to it and what happened.

Have a (((hug))), I've been battered lots of times, but by other people's kids, it must be much harder when it's your own xx

londongirl4

You must be in shock?

Practical head:

1. Get a cabinet that locks for your knives, scissors, skewers - anything sharp.

2. Put a call out for a poster called 'Clarissimo' - she has a son with Aspergers and violent moments. She might have some advice.

Hi,
I would just like to say if it helps I am in the same position, so your not alone.
It is hard. I have had escape training, which kind of helps. Though I do know some of the profs involved use restraint.
My son is very unpredictable and hurts himself as well as others.
Sorry I have no advice (just come back from a really horrible meeting, with a stotting headache!!) Just wanted to let you know there is others out there. Try this website also www.thecbf.org.uk/
HTH x

Thankyou so much- I'm fairly new here, and you are lovely!

loads of brilliant advice here......I will take my time to go through it all...as you say, at the moment, i'm in shock, I feel quite tearful thinking about it. Firstly, I think you're right, I need a debrief (from someone who understands!!).

I spoke to the SENCO this morning and they've now put in place some better transition arrangements, so I shall see what mood she comes home in....I'm also off to look up KIDS and the restraint technique too (and to lock up everything sharp!)

How terrifying for you

I'm going to second the need for some support and training and a debrief - you would be offered it if a stranger or another adult threatened you with a knife, so it's perfectly reasonable to expect it if it's your own child, however young.

I also second some major hiding of anything sharp or dangerous. Our kids (both ASD) are banned from the kitchen without supervision, anyhow but knives are kept in a child locked drawer with blade covers on the knives themselves just to prevent any casual rummaging from having nasty results.

We're fortunate that our 6 year old's violent outbursts are really quite babyish and involve pushing and some quite ineffectual slapping (all very defensive moves) and we've become quite good at moving him away from behaviour that leads up to it. His school are lined up for Team Teach training.

I hope you do get the help you need.

With regards to your DD's schooling I would seriously consider applying for a Statement of special needs if you have not already done so. This is a legally binding document and will give more support than any school plan she is currently on.

Has anyone ever mentioned a Statement to you re school?.

Sorry your having such a time of it

ds2 can and still does get violent, I'm no expert and sometimes we get it wrong and don't see the triggers in time or think he has calmed down went in fact he hasn't.
All I can offer is how we deal with it and hope some of it maybe of some use to you.

We find that violent meltdowns and impulsive behavior ( such as lashing out) 99.9% of the time have a trigger if you go back through what has happened through the day or sometimes week. Some things we miss because it has happened at school.
So I keep a diary, i note the meltdown and what happened before.. Sometimes it's just a combination of smaller things.
School and I now have really good communication and will higlight to each other if warning signs have been brewing.

We have a safe space for ds, this is a designated area in the house where he can go and shut the world out, uninterrupted.. If we see he is getting stressed we explain that he needs to calm down. ( he's working hard to learn to read his own body to do this himself.. Tight tummy, faster breathing, inside his head feeling muddled etc).
Knives, anything that might be grabbed and used as an implisive weapon is kept well out of the way at home.
If he is stressed but not hugely we suggest he runs with the dog.
Again if we see him stressed we say to him " stop.. Think.. Go calm down"
we also have a stamping mat ( front door mat where he is safe to angry jump it all out of his feet).

But it's the triggers that are the big thing to see and act upon that saves a lot of grief.

Hope that has helped in a small way.

Just a as I have to run but we've been dealing with this for a decade now; I have a handout / checklist on challenging behaviour that I am happy to send you if you mail me (peaches and cream 04 @ bt internet . com, no spaces obv) and can recommend CAMHs IF you have a good one, functional behavioural analysis, and the diest we ahvetried seemed to work- gluten /c asein free, and salycylate free, although as DS1 has serious eating disorders as well at the moment he is off the diets.

Arsenic's safe sapce advice ois good, ds1 has spent more time in his room since we decorated it to suit; we also have alock which we do not use as a punishment only as safety- very rarely and SSD know and are OK about it.

He also gets 24/7 supevision from an adult in the room or next rrom: at pushing 11 no park with mates for him sadly. it means I can't work obviously and is hugely punishing from a financial perspective.

Arsenic we really should get together over carnival season y'know, for a coffee, compare notes.

HTH

Sancti.. Sounds like a very good idea. I'll email you lovey.. Our lives and boys sound very similar!