School trip

[debs40]

I forgot to tell you guys that DS' class are going on a trip on Monday. It's been planned for a couple of weeks.

On Friday pick-up, DS's teacher, out of the blue, asks me if I can go too. Very last minute. She just said they needed another helper.

Of course, DS is delighted and it will be fun, but they are not usually so keen on including me. Some of you may remember the that DS's school tried to suggest he stay at home for their last trip to a Sikh School so as 'not to distress him'.

Mmmm, I;m getting so suspicious, I just think someone has realised that they had better take me in case DS' freaks. Why do they not discuss these things openly??

What happened on the trip to the Sikh school? I remember the discussion before hand, but must have missed the outcome.
If you can. go on the trip and show them how to deal with your DS. Then next time they'll have a clue and might not be so worried that they and he can't cope.

I will go. I'm looking forward to it. But I wish they would just talk to me. They are so proud and defensive and so used to saying 'we don't see a problem' but it becomes immediately apparent that they don't have a clue every time there is a change to routine which they know DS can't cope with.

As for the Sikh school, he went. I spoke to the LA Inclusion officer and an Ed Psych (both had been on the Early Bird Plus course with us) and they were really helpful in terms of advising me on school's obligations.

I organised a meeting with SENCO and listed the things which needed to be looked at (like letting him eat a lunch box somewhere) and then I drafted social stories, got books out of the library, looked at the map, looked at the school's website and prepared DS.

I do all this while they pretend there's no problem and don't involve me. They never say 'how do you think we should deal with ...'They are doing the same on transition.

I don't know if all schools are like this but they have a real thing about 'parental interference'. it's as if they feel undermined by me so they hate me for it!!

It's not all schools, you are just in the unfortunate position of being a pioneer. So the effect you are having will not only benefit your son, but other pupils on the spectrum that follow him into the school.
Grit your teeth and keep going. It's a war of attrition. Should be a partnership but some professionals are paranoia incarnate.

Thanks Goblin. It is helpful to hear your perspective. I do try and be as diplomatic and supportive as I can. I also try and be direct in telling them that when I suggest things it is not meant as criticism - how can they know without experience? But it does feel like walking on egg-shells.

For example, DS had a long spell of coming home for lunch because he was worried about being told to 'eat up'. They thought I was suggesting he was being forced to eat up. No, I explained, this is how DS perceived things, it's not them. Food is a funny issue for him. Just let him be.

All agreed and progress is made. DS starts staying for lunch and even trying new school meals. He tried a new one last week and didn't like it. The dinner lady said 'not to worry' but his teacher intervened and made him sit back down and eat a bit more.

She wrote it down in the home/school book (which she never uses) and said he had 'coped well' and had been 'encouraged' to eat more and was 'sensible' about it.

DS said she then praised him when he got back to class but his view was he would rather have not been made to eat it as he had already given it a go before she intervened

It is precisely the sort of thing which will have him coming home again given half a chance but how do you put that nicely to them without it sounding like criticism?

There really isn't a way is there?

Ah, Hmm, we have similar issue re school trips. On the last school trip - a pantomime, dd (age 5 with AS) apparently spent most of the time under the chairs during the performance. because she was frightened by the ugly sisters. we were told that perhaps it might be better if she didn't go to the next pantomime. It was actually just that she didn't realise they were men in drag and no one explained. We have another trip coming up and it has been suggested that I might like to go along as its to an animal park and this would enable the school to 'guarantee' her safety! Its a place we have taken her many times and she's always been fine but I guess it will give us a chance to see the child that they see rather than the daughter we usually see. I will have to see if I can get time off work...

I must admit I went on my DS's school trip when asked by school, and I found it very enlightening.

I can now see why they are applying for a statement for him...

Also, I sat next to the teacher on the bus home and so got to speak to her (about DS) for an hour!

Yes, but this is a school who resent my participation, constant chasing, feel bad that I have flagged things up, didn;t think anything was wrong and tell me 'he's fine' when they have no idea of his needs in any event.

There is no way they would speak to me for an hour about DS!

Sorry Debs,

I know your situation is very different to mine. I was just sharing my experience...

But you will get to speak to the teacher and teaching assistants during the day. And they will get to see you and how you interact with DS. So I'm sure some good will come out of it.

Anyway, good luck. And hopefully next year you'll get a more sympathetic teacher.