AS son's impulsive violence - Advice please.

[ProudAspieMum]

My 9 year old son has Asperger's and if other kids in school anger or upset him he hits out at them without stopping to think first. We tell him this is wrong and he gets angry again when we try to talk to him about it. At least we know what the problem was and can try to talk to him about managing his anger etc. It still doesn't stop him doing it again though - any tips please?.

Even though this behaviour is so wrong, the thing that upsets me most is that he also keeps hitting children on impulse for seemingly no reason whatsoever. When we ask him why, he says he genuinely doesn't know and on these occasions when we talk to him about it he gets really upset as opposed to angry. He says all he can think of is that it makes him feel good, which sounds so bad.

Some instances are:
pushing a girl in the back who was in front of him as the children were going back into school after playtime;
grabbing a girl by the arm becauseshe was in his way and "accidentally" nipping her;
punching a boy in the back who was in front of him in PE while they were listening to the teacher telling them what they had to do.

I'm wondering if it is all sensory related ie crowded & noisy trying to get back into school; and being unable to follow the PE teacher's instructions as well as his voice and other sounds echoing in the gym. Could the violence therefore be a release for all his overloded senses or am I just fishing and trying to excuse him. He really is a lovely boy but in school the incidents overshadow that fact. I'm so upset for his future if he continues like this. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or magic answers?
Thanks

google 'retained reflexes' - and if hte thingks sound familair find sensory trained OT who can give you exercises which may help.

maybe also look at diet - if you look at www.treatingautism.org.uk website lots of stuff on cutting out gluten and casein -

Proud You are NOT trying to excuse him. He has a disability, which makes things hard for him. You love him unconditionally, regardless of his behaviour. He is not naughty, he is responding to something. Probably, like you said, sensory overload.

I liked the book 10 things every child with autism wishes you knew, that helped me a lot with parenting my DS with Aspergers.

Don't let yourself be guided by what others think. Keep doing what is best for your son.

I have definately found the following things to be helpful to my son:

• Auditory Integration Treatment
• Sensory Integration Treatment
• Omega Fish Oil
• Moving school

Gradually he is getting better and better. Next we are going to try treatment for retained reflexes.

But never blame him for behaviour which is caused by his condition. And never be embarrassed by him. Just keep loving him to bits.

(Old) school kept on sending my DS on anger management classes. But what he really needed was stress management classes. And it's probably the same with your son.

Also my son also often denied hitting. I think he genuinely had blacked out the incident from his mind and couldn't remember it.

Good luck.

First of all, you're right to be seeking good answers. Violence of any sort is a problem, and of course another child could be injured by this.

Work with the advice of any specialists you're in contact with, and with the school. Take really good advice from the local autism charity as well -they are often a source of ideas and support.

Lashing out for seemingly no reason can be because younger children/those with communication difficulties on top of the autism can really struggle to match up "what hurt me"/ "what scared me" with what their bodies are doing.

Since most of our pain responses are the wrong way round, a gentle jostle or hair ruffling that would be a sign of friendship to others can feel like being struck with a fist to us. Combined with delayed thinking or problems working out who did it, and you can end up with a response that doesn't match anyone's expectations of what should happen.

The knack is to stop as much sensory overload as possible. Play times are a nightmare for most of us (I do schools work and I still can't be in the playground with them in breaktimes - it panics me). A quiet place to go to "cool down" the brain wiring really helps.

Standing in a queue, I can be so worried that people will bash into me, even accidentally. If I'm calm at the start of the day, I can handle it, but after a long day of input I can be totally unable to cope and I need to get out of there fast.

Pictures sometimes make more sense to us than words, when we're trying to explain things. Working out what hurt/what's frightening us can be easier by pointing and thinking, and pictures can be a strong way to say "this is what you don't do". Plus pictures for "this is what you can do if you feel stressed" of course.

Some children just like to see what happens if they do X, of course - not so much out of nastiness but almost as an experiment, without realising that the crying fro the other child is a sign of distress. Really clear instructions on why that is wrong/pictures of it are very important.

Hi

I ahve a 10.5 year old ds1 who is similar

First, google tourettes: some of the impulse stuff may be related, quitye common in ASD people.

Sensory sounds a good avenue to explore (if a specialist OT too costly consider googling BIBIC), but i'd look at understanding as well. DS1's understanding of sopcial sits is years below other language and he always interprets accidental brushes, knocks etc as deliberate attacks and responds accordingly.

Social stories can help a bit (though ds1 doesn;t relate teh character in the story to himnself) but in all truth the only thing that ahs worked so far is 1-1 supervision. And access to a time out room as the abil;ity to spot an impending sensory overlaod is so very inportant- DS1 has adopted a love of Harry Potter and now retires to his time out room with his book.

Also yy to casein and gluten free diet, also look at salycylate (sp) for thsi sort of aggression.

Thanks everyone. I'll definitely check out everything you've suggested. I've definitely not heard of retained reflexes before. Thanks also for the supportive comments.

Gail