I want a break - I can dream, can't I ?

[siblingrivalry]

I feel really guilty tonight.

DD1 is 9 with AS, dd2 is 5 and NT (but incredibly demanding for other reasons). We are pretty certain that dh also has AS.

Between the 3 of them, they have me worn out at the moment.

Despite the fact that I am alone at home through the day when dh is at work and dds are at school, I still feel like I need more of a break.

DD1 has a lot of OCD and anxiety issues, as does DH. I feel like I am constantly 'fire-fighting' IYKWIM, and dealing with their many issues and problems. Today has been hard - I am shattered but don't want to go to bed cos I am alone downstairs and it's peaceful.

So many people on this board have a much tougher time than I do, so I feel guilty. But I am just fantasising about having a whole day and night when I am completely alone.

I feel selfish for just wanting to escape for a while and think about myself. But it would be sooo lovely to have some time away from them all.
I wouldn't have to listen to dd1's monologues, or have dh telling me his plans for the next day over and over again. I would love to just get up and get dressed in peace, just once, without going through the daily battle with dd1 and her clothing/sensory issues. Of course, I know she can't help it, so I'm not complaining about that aspect as such.

Of course, I love them all desperately but I am a bit fed up (can you tell?!)

It isn't that I'm not coping, but that I feel generally p'd off with it all lately.
Actually, writing this down had helped a lot -I couldn't say this in RL; I would feel disloyal.

Thanks for reading and indulging me in a moan

I het the same and ds is lot easier to look after than most ds here or nt and other dc ate good to but sometimes wish I could just be Alone for 24 hrs I'm hotel where can't even do housework

You're not being selfish. You just need to be you for a bit.

My friend who has 2 very easy-going NT children but quite a stressful job booked herself into a holiday cottage for a week not long ago and left hubby to get on with it at home.

I think it did them both good. If I did it I'd just be so cross at the state of the house when I got home it wouldn't be worth it.

Could you arrange a girly weekend away with a couple of mates in a travel inn somewhere. You could eat out and sleep in and generally relax while being Siblingrivalry, not mum.

I'm lucky enough to have a holiday to look forward to but it's still hard work on a caravan site in Cornwall. Esp when the children don't want to leave the site to go to the beach or anything and TBH you're just bringing a bit of home with you including housework so it's not much of a break.

My trouble is childcare as just me and dc but we should try mini mumsnet meetup for just night without dc

but days ds is at nursery I have started going to gym just for some me time oh and try to lose some weight to , if went home would start tidying up or find ten thousand jobs that need doing

Thanks for all of the replies.
I feel crap, actually, because other people have a far harder time than me -Roundthebend, I take my hat off to you doing this alone and I'm glad you are managing to make time for yourself.
A meet up would be lovely -are we all scattered far and wide, though?

Riven, you were actually on my mind when I wrote my OP, because I know how hard you have to battle to have any kind of respite

Al1son, I often think of booking a weekend away, but to be honest I would like to go alone so I could be utterly selfish

I'm put off, though, because I doubt dh would cope with both dc and manage to support dd1 in her routines etc.

I'm afraid I'm still in the same frame of mind today. Even writing this post has been hard, because dh is bombarding me with questions about what our plans are for the rest of the day/ what are we having for tea:etc.
I have had to gather all my patience and politely ask him to just give me two minutes to myself - inside I am thinking "Will you please just shut the hell up!"

I thought this might be PMT, but it's the wrong time of the month, so maybe I'm just becoming a grumpy old cow!

I still think you should think about getting away for one night.

If your DH has AS would it help to tell him clearly what you need? Establish a regular part of the day when the children are his responsibility and nobody is allowed to speak to you. It doesn't have to be for a long time - just a breather. It's probably easier to get this set time than to expect them to notice that you're reaching the end of your tether.

I know that my DH needs me to tell him when I just want to be left alone and he's (quite) NT.

sibling rivaly

to be fair dc are all pretty good so that helps and we do get out and about fair bit.

But like you I just want to be me , go for aq meal without wondering about wheelchair access ,or everyone stairing at way ds3 eats or fact im still cutting his food up or the stares if he fits or the looks when he talks well more produces noise
or can ds2 eat anything (he has crohns and coealic but is nt).

Want to have a drink not lot just one or 2 and not have to worry that i might not here ds3 in diffculties

Youre not selfish. We all feel that way sometimes. We have to deal with special children all day and it affect us mentally and emotionally a lot. And its not just the children and their specific condition we have to deal with, but appointments, school, travel and other peoples attitude. So, no youre not alone when you say, you wish you could have some time alone. Its very understandable. Dont be too harsh on yourself. I have times when Im so tired mentally, emotionally, that I cant stop crying. Sometimes I wish I could go for a swim on my own or have a holiday, but I can`t.

If you can you should get away, and you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to.

And don't feel you shouldn't want to because your life is less difficult than others'.

Nobody on here would ever begrudge another poster a break, even if they couldn't have one themselves -- they might be but that's another matter!

Thanks everyone

I am definitely planning a night to myself at some point soon -probably over the summer holidays (when it will undoubtably get too much at times).

I know I am in need of a break, because I have less patience and become snappy.
It doesn't help that,as Ilona says, there are so many other things to deal with.

I am chasing an elusive OT and contemplating the horrors of the DLA renewal at the moment, as well as trying to help dd1 get her head around the transition into a new class in September -she's already stressed and anxious about it.

Just talking to others in the same boat has helped -thank you.