Imagine if you will - living in a world where the rules are always changing... where nothing is in your control... nothing happens as you expect it.
Where there are two kinds of people: those who can remember, and those who can not remember...
You are one of the ones who can't remember things... you're constantly having to remember new things and every day there are more and more things added to that list... ouch, what a headache.
Welcome to a world of ADHD
You can't remember things because your brain doesn't produce enough Serotonin - which also happens to be the brain chemical that inhibits impulsivity - your natural 'brakes' - you've probably experienced this feeling yourself when you've purchased that 'impulse' buy, or eaten that extra peice of cake when you 'know' that you didn't need/want it & it may even do you harm (finacially, emotionally, health & safety)
Imagine these impulses every moment of every day - your sad & frustrated because nothing that you attempt goes right - people around you, those who are supposed to care for you, understand you, nurture you, love you, don't get what it;s like to be you.
Your frustration turns to anger - you express this anger either externally (hurting others, damaging property etc) or internally (self harm, isolating yourself, depression).
left untreated, ADHD can be a life full of disappointments and misery - you know that you are different but no one seems bothered to try and find out what you are really like.
It's painful, because you also have the ability to be spontaneous, good at problem solving - you think 'outside of the box', you can be funny and charming, careing and helpful - but no one see's this and they only ever remember the negative 'mistakes' that you've done ... just becuase it's taken many failed attempts before you've gotten the knack to the rules.
This is how my ADHD feels. I was distressed when I noticed that my second child was having problems and I didn't want her to experience the same or similar problems that I'd had.
Yes, I was a handful, boisterous, had an odd sence of humour, talked 'ten to the dozen', only opened my mouth to change feet - but I'm not horrible, uncaring, rude or worthless - I have ADHD that was undiagnosed and left untreated, but I am blessed too... blessed that I have the compassion to care about my own childs feelings and her future. This is not a condition to ignore, action is required.
Action for you is important because as the carer/parent you have the desire to help your child, you are good, loving, caring and the perfect parent for your child who needs you.
Take action and you take control. Learn about ADHD and you enable yourself to help your child (and yourself) to grow into a person who understands their abilities and disabilities.
(eg: I know that my memory is terrible, especially when I am under alot of stress, so I take pressure off of myself by carrying a notebook, in which I write down anything from appointment dates, activities, ideas, feelings etc. This simple act allows me to relax, becuase I know that I have everything recorded permenantly... and when I relax I can have fun in life - this fun attitude overflows onto the children, who in turn have fun with me, this gives me respect from them, they want more of this person and are willing to behave better to get more of that from me.
Children want to get things right for others - they want/crave and desire to please...but very quickly they learn that adults don't appreciate their hardest attempts - becuase it takes them practice to get it right - so they make plenty of mistakes - but it's all to do with their memory... so it's easier to give up - to say 'to hell with it', if they're gonna blame me then what's the point in trying to do my best?'
Educating myself in the who, what, when, where and why's of ADHD helps me to help my child and myself - I learn new things everyday which help us both cope... I in turn teach these things to my daughter.
But there's a catch - you can't magically give someone serotonin. Yes, you can buy natural remedies (5HTP aka Serotonin) from herbal remedy shops (holland & barret), couple that with the right kind of diet (higher that average protein, regular meals with complex carbs) and physical activities (woodwork)and things will improve. But without a doubt, initiating Ritalin was the move in the right direction for us.
Instantly, my daughter suddenly had a concentration span of hours compared to the 3 mins she had prior to meds. I was amazed, overjoyed & crying with tears of happyness.
If you're worried about the negative stories you've heard about Ritalin and the other meds, then perhaps you could explore all of the other more natural options. Are you worried about what others will think of you? What's more important - your childs health or what others may think? You don't actually have to tell anyone that your child is on medication (other than those also involved in your childs wellbeing), would you be worried about telling people that your child had cancer and that he/she was having treatment for that? or Nits, our school seems infested with the little blighters - I have no control over her 'picking them up' but I'm there every night, combing the little blighters out.
Please don't worry about the stigma. If you're at the end of your teather - try the meds... if ADHD is the problem, then they can help in some cases. But I've found that diet, exercise, meds and ADHD education have helped profoundly.
If they don't work (in some cases they don't - possibly because the childs doesn't have ADHD but they do have the same external behaviour that looks like ADHD) then you stop with the treatment and look at other options... but what if they do work? Are you longing to 'see' your child, work with them, teach them, love them, respect them for the individual human being that they are? I did - and now, I wouldn't change a thing.
ADHD is a huge and complex condition. Initially, the consultant needed to rule out Autism, Aspergers, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ODD, OCD ...(oh, and of course, my own pet personally hated on - bad parenting!!!) these are all conditions that are being affected by the same area of the brain (the frontal lobe).
Now, did you know that ADHD's first diagnosed case was in 1901 (approx) - his was an extreme case and so he was institutionalised (nice)
In pre-historic times, the members of a clan/tribe with ADHD would have been the first to have noticed intruders, prey etc. eg - security guards - we would have been as essential to the growth of humanity as everyone else - some people are natual born diplomats, healers, carers, hunters etc, not alot of good of course if non of the others pick up the signs of dinner rummaging through the undergrowth tho! or barbarian's sneaking up on the settlement! ha ha - we do have our uses afterall
of course, today we expect everyone to be able to read & write, sit down and concentrate by the age of 5! Is that realistic?? Don't think so ... we all have our own skills ... my family line are more 'get out and explore to learn'types Trial and error teaches us how to survive - our brains are working in overdrive all the time, processing taste, touch, smell, noises and visual clues.
The ability for me to sit down, chill out and relax is very disconcerting - I don't do it like other people ... ok, it's not always great being hyper... I run around like a busy bee all day long and when I crash - well, I crash! I sleep like a baby, don't hear a thing, don't notice the earthquakes that they're all talking about from the night before but I've had to accept that that's just me - my body chemistry is different from yours - why can't you keep going as long as me? why can't you chop and change your conversation as quickly as me? Why are you not as artistic/creative as me? Why don't you want to know things the same way as me?
Well - that answer is simple - I'm different from you and your different from me. Perfectly obvious really ... but not fare - my brain was not meant to learn to read and write at such a young age - by brain is meant to learn through doing stuff, experimenting, touching etc. But by the time I arrived into my mid 20's I was ready to study ...
It's convienient for society to get us all educated by a certain point in our lives but that's not possible when we all develope differently and at differing rates. Society expects it and that's what I beleive is unfare.
I apologise for going on and on but I am passionate about ADHD.
To summaries what I'm getting at here: Try the meds, if they will work with your child, then you are helping your child today, tommorow and way into the future. If they don't work, you'll be able to say you tried that option, you've ruled it out, nothing ventured, nothing gained...
I've found these sites useful, but there are plenty of others around.
have a look at \link{http://www.radiantrecovery.com/}
{http://www.healthology.com}
{http://www.addiss.co.uk/}
{http://www.adhdnews.com/}
{http://www.adhdhelp.org/}
With Kindest Regards, Ronnie