Where does one go? Where does one begin?

[bonbons]

I posted this in SEN, but wondered if there are more people over here who could help:

I am hoping one/several of you knowledgable lot will be able to help my ds.

I have a 5 year old boy who's going into Y1, and I don't think the school are aware/deal with the problems he presents.

He has severe eyesight issues (without glasses he can make out the top letter only on an eyechart).

Since he was a toddler if there was any loud noise (children playing etc) he would sit in the corner with his fingers in his ears rocking backwards and forwards.

He has to know what he is doing in advance, and will shut down (i.e. not talk, go and lay down somewhere etc) if anything is 'surprised' on him.

His speech is very advanced for his age, and he is mistaken for a child twice his age on a regular basis, and he has a very dry wit, (I describe it along the lines of Jack Dee) very deadpan in what he'll say.

Everything has to be in just so order, his bedroom is immaculate as he tidies it every day, the playroom toys are all ordered in exact ways, and if something is moved he knows, and has to sort it out.

Now I keep asking the school's assistance in keeping me informed of any change to the schedule, or anything. But because he goes into himself when there's a problem, and then just collapses when he gets home. For example, they changed swimming day last week, because he goes to after school club they didn't inform me no note in book bag etc, he didn't have his kit. He put on spare kit, and joined in, but couldn't see as he had no glasses nor his prescription goggles.

He came home that night, and was just repeating to himself all night, had no swimming shorts over and over again.

Academically he's advanced in Mathematical/logical areas, he's behind in English.

Anyway sorry this is so long I wanted to give you the information to be able to help me back. Basically because he shuts down rather than screams and shouts, the school aren't taking his issues seriously. I am not sure if he has a sensory issue or another issue, but I don't know what to do with my boy, who acts like an old man. The way I'd describe him is sometimes you see men and you think I could never imagine them as a child, well that child is my son.

Does anyone think that I need to get an assessment (for what I don't know) or should I just accept that this is the way my son is, and carry on dealing with the fall out of surprises from school when he gets home?

Thank you for reading all this.

Can't stick around, but seconding PipinJo - because it really shouldn't have to be such a struggle.

Hi

I have some worries about my ds too. I have this wk spoken to my hv about it, although my ds is only 3 and i i'm not sure if they deal with school age kids?

I made a list of all the things that are concerning me and showed them to her. She has been really lovely and so understanding. Shes coming back in a few wks to do a play based assessment with my ds.

Maybe take a wk or two to write down all the things you think are different or concern you about him and put it all together into a list and see your gp. If you are worried about the GP do the school have a nurse you could speak to? You could maybe ask to speak to the schools senco to discuss the problems your ds has at school.

I wouldn't accept it.

My son has sensory issues, and if he had had eyesight problems as well, that would just have increased the challenges.

I think it would be sensible to make a working assumption that he has sensory issues, because all the strategies for dealing with sensory issues are useful for most children, but also push for an assessment.

Re change at school, the most basic thing they should be doing is a visual timetable. If something unusual happens that day, it should stay on the timetable but with a line drawn through it, and the replacement item written/drawn next to it. Obviously the timetable needs to be appropriate for his visual challenges - near enough to him and colour-coded. He should be able to go up to it and look at it regularly, so he can organise his thinking, and so he has an alternative to withdrawing into himself.

If school are not trying ultra-basic things like this, then I would push very hard for an assessment.

There is an enormous amount you can do at home to gradually increase his tolerance to change. You have to take it step by step. Visual aids help with this - I like the book "Visual Strategies for Improving Communication" by Linda Hodgson. It will be a bit strange for you because his language is excellent - but clearly good language is not enough for him to feel ok, so the next step is visual backup. I do appreciate that you will have to make modifications to reflect his eyesight issues, and hope you'll excuse my ignorance of this issue. If you can afford it, buy a timetimer (www.timetimer.com). If he starts to feel more in control, that should help him be a little more relaxed about change.

I would buy some ear defenders and let him try them out (somewhere away from other kids first of all in case they tease) to find out if they help him. Is he scared of hand-dryers, etc?

Many on this forum like the book "The out of synch child". I've also just been given "Sensory Integration and the Child" and I think there's one called "The sensory smart child".

Thank you all so much for your really helpful responses. I am going to make the list as suggested, and see the GP, and see if at that time I can get him referred for a hearing test, to check that area out.

I will also take a look at the books and website suggested.

The noise issue is odd - again it seems to be that he needs time to react to noise. For example, hand-dryers he doesn't like because they come on all of a sudden, if we start hoovering and haven't advised him first, that results in the fingers in the ears and the rocking, however, if we advise him that we will be hoovering, he will even help to push the hoover around, although whilst he's not pushing it around he will sit calmly in the room with his fingers in his ears. I think that the issue with children noise is due to the unpredictablity of it, for example that a child will suddenly shriek out.

With regards to carpet time they are very strict at his school, and it is a small class (I intentionally chose the school having seen how much the nursery environment upset him). Therefore the children sit quietly and have to raise their hand to answer questions etc, and do so.

With regards to general crowdy noisy places hates it, and can't wait to leave.

Ear defenders - sorry if this is an ignorant question - do they prevent him from hearing instructions from the teacher? would they make life dangerous for him, bearing in mind he struggles to see fast moving objects (cars/buses), with ear defenders would he also struggle to hear them?

ear defenders - no, he'd still be able to hear, but the other kids might tease him....

re noise: I have been working on the hand-dryer thing for 18 months now and have numerous threads about it (in some of them I spell it "dryer" and in some "drier" in case you search!). Someone pointed out to me that it's the unpredictability that gets them. We switched to a technique of counting how long the blast lasts when another person uses a dryer and that distracts him from wondering when it will come on agan - he starts counting as soon as it comes on.

Are ear defenders the things that look like big headphones that you see kids wearing at festivals etc?

bonbons - here's a link

[[http://www.peltorkids.co.uk/]

I don't go to festivals but I expect that is what they are marketed for, yes.

re sudden noises versus noises with warnings: he's five years old now so he's not going to react like a toddler - he's got more ability to self-regulate. But I guess when it comes on suddenly, it's a bit like the way I scream when someone says "boo" behind me - it's a primal response.

DD2 is in year 2 now and we really had to push for help for her as she is the sort of child who shuts down too. She has High functioning Autism and sensory issues. We do alot of planning of activites and use of visual time tables really help. Its fairly easy for a school to put things in place if they want to.
I would suggest you write all your concerns down and take them to the SENCO of the school.
If your still concerned, I wold consider taking him to GP and asking for a referral to CDC.
hth