I am a regular poster but namechanged to protect my family's security.
Background: DS has just turned 4. Placed with us for adoption at 17 months from his one and only fostercarer who had looked after him from newborn. He has been legally adopted for nearly 2 years. He was always very physical with other children from the beginning and mostly toddler age appropriate behaviour. I don't know anything about additional needs in school with regard to his birth siblings. I also don't know if we will ever know. I do wonder whether any diagnoses in his siblings may affect DS in the future.
Recently we have been receiving a lot of regative feedback regarding our DS's behaviour at nursery.
Little Bear pushes, hits, throws things (today a chair!) occasionally bites(!) and is generally poor in terms of his socialisation with his peers. He has had problems with another child who has bitten/pinched him and DS doesn't complain to staff at the time just shows me marks on the way home (which I have reported back). I suspect there is a touch of 'give a dog a bad name' going on, the kids know his reputation for trouble. As he is starting school in September we are doubly concerned.
We have tried a variety of management activities at home, chatting about things that have happened, reward charts, stickers, withdrawal of privileges following incidents -all work for a short period and then it disintegrates again.
Nursery are suggesting I approach the Health Visitor, but we are in a newish (1yr) area and we haven't had much contact with her I feel that this would be fruitless so I think adoption support may be more appropriate, which I have begun to approach.
At home DS is generally a delight, he is bright and appears well attached to us. He is very loving and constantly piles on hugs and kisses. He occasionally tests boundaries but responds to correction well, and he responds well to routine and structure in his day. He can entertain himself for short periods with toys or in the garden. He has a reasonable attention span, at home when he wants to (but apparently not at nursery). He has a lovely relationship with the dog which is growing steadily.
I am at a loss to explain his jeckyl/hyde personality. Lovely at home, difficult at nursery. I just wondered whether the behaviours I described reminded you of anything, and whether you felt a health care professional might be an appropriate step. Obviously if school decide there is a need we would fully support the involvement.
I am just so sad for him, and I love him so much it hurts me. I am physically ill at the thought of taking to/collecting from nursery myself so goodness knows how he feels!
Thanks for reading.