aspergers diagnosis

[jenk1]

a while back i posted a thread saying i had self-referred myself as i thought i had aspergers syndrome and my gp was really unsympathetic.
Well this morning i had an appointment with a psychiatrist who agrees with me, he took a detailed history,medical record etc and my dh wrote him a letter and he said i definately have aspergers-but that it is not apparent to the untrained eye.
Well i feel utter relief,excitement all sorts of emotions i feel strangely happy because i can now get on with the rest of my life knowing that its not my fault that i cant make friends or hold a conversation properly im just sorry that i waited all this time
sorry its a long thread im just excited!!!!

Jenk, I think for further "help" it would be worth contacting the NAS and I know that Autism London has a social group. If nothing else, there are often notices about groups in things like the NAS magazine. If I were you, I'd ring the NAS helpline and ask them this. There are THREE Aspies on the NAS Council and one on the Board, so there certainly is experience there and these three are all so different. I know them all a little and could certainly ask them for any advice. You don't have to become an activist of anything, but there might be a local group or something that could help. Maybe the counselling will help anyway??? I'll see what I can dig out when I get the chance.

thanls davros i am going to get in touch with NAS to see what help they offer, is anyone going to the NAS day out on 25 september?

Message withdrawn

rnb- thats terrible, i have read so many stories of people being misdiagnosed and having AS, the psychiatrist said on friday that some people even get misdiagnosed as havin schizophrenia like your sister and that more training and awareness needs to take place to stop it, anxiety is one of the main features of AS as you will know,does your sister think that she has AS because she can request an assesment for AS just like i did?

Message withdrawn

the poor thing, i really feel for her, i havent had as severe symptoms but know all about the "not fitting in" bit, dont know what to suggest will have a think

Have been reading this thread and feeling sad. I think my DH may have Aspergers, he has had various labels such as depression, anxiety, and social phobia. He hasn't worked for 10yrs because he couldn't cope with the workplace. I have just shown him the information on the NAS website and am going to try and persuade him to go to the GP. He would be so much more at peace with himself if he had a diagnosis. BTW he can read other people's feelings. Is that possible and still be on the spectrum?

yes, i can read other peoples feelings to an extent, i understand when people are cross,upset etc though not always WHY they are but i dont understand sarcasm,double meanings and i always take teasing seriously-hopefully i can get some help with this-does this sound like your DH?

Yes it does to a certain extent. He hates being teased. Yesterday a friend came to pick up me and the children. DH said goodbye to me and all the children and went to go inside. My friend said "What about saying goodbye to me?" She was only joking but apparantly he spent his whole morning worrying that he had offended her.

yes thats me, a few months ago i was convinced that everyone was offended by something i had done or said, i am so scared of saying the wrong thing cos i tend to just blurt things out without thinking about them and (i know in the past ive offended people)so now i avoid social situations as i find them very hard and they make me anxious,sounds like your DH could have some AS traits, if he wont doesnt want to go to the doctor get him to write down how he feels and you write a letter also saying how he is affected, my DH did this with me and the psychiatrist said it was most helpful,u could even go with him to the doctor and show the letters if he doesnt want to talk
HTH

Thanks for your replies Jenk1. My husband also avoids social situations. If he has to talk to anyone he then spends ages afterwards going through what he has said in case he has said the "wrong" thing. I think I'm just used to him now and it was only reading this thread that made me think about Aspergers.

jek I was having a look around tonight (J not eping again!!!) and I found these books on the NAS site and thought of you.

HTH

Aww youre a treasure,thanks jayzmummy

i have just received a copy of the letter sent by the consultant pscyh to my gp expalining his diagnosis for AS, so i phoned my mum and told her what the letter said as she has been sceptical in the past, now you,d think a diagnosis from a psychiatrist would settle all the arguments wouldnt you?. Well no, how can he decided after seeing u that this is what u have?i dont trust them one bit,i cant believe that she can accecpt DS diagnosis and DF who hasnt been diagnosed but she wont accecpt mine, i dont understand but feeling very down about it

Aww Jenk.
My sister was a funny little thing when we were younger. She was very quiet, didnt have many friends, dressed a bit geeky and talked non stop about Finches!!!!

My mother was asked a few times by various class teachers if my sister could be seen by an EP...NO WAY! There was no chance that my Mum would allow anyone to "have a look" at my sister..."what would happen if God forbid there was anything wrong with her"...."It just wouldnt look good down the golf club would it"..."I mean can you imagine what people would say if they found out there was something not quite right with her"!!!! Get my drift???

At the age of 24 my sister was DX with Aspergers....she is now 34 and still my mother will not accept the DX....its just a silly name for a quiet person!! Ive spoken to my Mom on several occassions about her attitude towards my sister and my DS2's dx....deep down I think she feels guilty about my sister...almost as if it was her fault that my sister has Aspergers. She asked me what did she do wrong when she was carrying my sister that caused her to have AS??

Maybe your mother is from the same era and she wants to bury her head in the sand as a way of protecting her own fears. I think many parents here at one point must have questioned themselves as to whether they may have caused their childs SN...I know DH and I have and we adopted DS!!!

Wishing you all the best....give it some time and hopefully she will come round.

thanks jayzmummy, thing is with my mum, she accepts that my sister has problems and my brother. but when it comes to me its "no theres nothing wrong with u, u are just bored and fed up, in some ways she likes to control me but i have only just realised this this year when i spoke to a psychologist,she always wants to know what im doing, if i dont phone she,ll say what r u up to u must be hiding something,everything that i do or every decision i make she pours scorn on-its like i will never be good enough whatever i do, she told me that she had all these "plans"for me when i was a child and that i broke her heart by not doing any of them, her "plans" were to live somewhere by the sea so that she could visit and to marry well etc etc, well i have married well but she likes to stick her nose in and tell me and dh what to do and then when she,s said something she knows is wrong she offering us things,its like a form of mental and emotional blackmail and i dont know what to do about it

Take a step back for a while and give yourself some time. You have just had some news that will have affected you. You dont need anymore upset from your mother.
My own mother is evil beyond words and she scorns, belittles and humiliates me. I give her a wide berth and talk to her only when I have to.

Take care of yourself and your immediate family....thats what matters the most.

Message withdrawn

i dont do talks- i cant handle it, i dont even comment at the meetings, but thats something i am going to do, i usually sit down on my seat and dont really talk to people, i have 2 or 3 people that i talk to but noone else and i dont stay long afterwards either,

Dear dear AS people, I am very moved by your posts. My teenage son has some Aspie traits (had more when he was smaller); is academically brilliant; kind; warm; loyal; thoughtful (sometimes I think he understands me best in my family of husband and 2 other neurotypical kids) but has always had trouble making and keeping friends and "reading" social situations. We have always avoided seeking a diagnosis because we haven't wanted to label him, because he has progressively learned to deal better with the world, and because he only has some of the characteristics. I am afraid a dx would give him more pain and grief than benefit. But he is off to university in October (science) and I worry about how he will manage socially without the family cocoon. Luckily he is not going too far away, and we will keep in close touch, but any advice about how to help him with horrible teenage social life would be very welcome.. Last night I couldn't sleep because he got a brush off from a friend on the phone and was very upset--said he felt he was losing his last two friends...

God seacritter - I feel for your DS. I have a DSD of 12 with HFA who is just entering those awful teenage years (my DS is 5 and autistic, so I have it all to come again with him). The only thing I try and tell her is have lots of friends but don't go in for best friends, as that causes harm even in NF kids (I remember huge friendship pain and rifts in my own teens). Find a few kind people at uni, don't get too close to the people you meet in the very first week as they may not turn out to be your real friends (that was quite good advice given me when I started Uni)and just ask questions and be interested in the other person's interests rather than just talking about yourself. Teenage years are hard for all, but especially when social stuff is difficult for you on top of it!

Thanks ancientmiddleagedmum...I wish you luck with yours...that's good advice about a few kind people and asking about other people's interests (not always a strong point). He has on the whole been good at choosing the right friends. But now they've gone all feral and hunt in packs making quickfire jokes and don't really include him. I only hope there will be a better time later, as he has always got on well with adults...and a kind, patient girl in the lab one day...

I know you don't want to label him, but more and more universities are aware of Aspergers now. Could you search his universities web site and see if they do anything specific.
Is he aware of Aspergers? If he is accepting that he has these traits, there are a lot of chat groups on the web for young people with Aspergers.

He sounds lovely by the way and as if he just needs to meet the right group of people and he will be fine.

Thanks--interestingly it turns out his university does have a (new) support service for Aspergers students...but there is still the hurdle of deciding whether to talk to him in those terms. There is less stigma attached among academics and scientists, which is how he sees himself, but I don't want him to 'give up' on the NT world or decide that he can't learn to swim in it.