daughter wetting herself in school- I just don`t know what to do

[Ilona33]

My daughter going to be 5 yr next months. Shes in reception in school. Last few weeks she started to wet herself in school ( due to being scared of hand dryer and/ or mind too occupied. She hold her hand to her ears and very scared to go into the toilet, even if the toilet is empty. The teachers have to tell her to go toilet and if shes not told she just wets herself. The problem is she didnt tell her teacher she wets herself, she just sits in her wet underwear and trousers. She has complex social communication disorder. She had speech and language therapy, she has a special needs teacher weekly in school and I take her to sensory room. I started taking her to sensory room about a months and a half ago and since weve been having this wetting problem. I keep telling her to go toilet at school, or tell the teacher if she had an accident, but no result so far. I just don`t know what to do. Any idea?

Have you talked to the teacher about what strategies are in place for your daughter?

As a minimum i would expect someone (probably a TA) to be regularly suggesting that your daughter try the toilet - first making sure that the dryer isn't going.

Giving her a 'toilet' card to give to an adult can also be helpful if her language/communication is delayed.

I would also suggest that they VERY slowly try to help her with the sensitivity to the hand dryer - ie, can she walk past outside, stand outside with door shut/open, etc gradually building up the time. Stickers, lots of them really can help if she likes them.

Hope this helps

Hi, your dd sound similar to me as a child, i was wetting until i was 6 (due to fear of using the toilets).

• Would the school consider replacing the hand dryers for paper towels?

• Ear defenders?

• A toilet buddy (someone/older child to take her to the loo), this has worked for dd1?

• Get the teacher to take her after everyone else has been, after teacher has checked the dryer is not going?

dd1 has this issue at times, too.
she is also 5.

does your dd go at regular times? is it possible for you to go into school at these times to help her, with a view to slowly transferrign this across to your dd's teacher/assistant?

if she is taken regularly by the teacher, would she go? it might be that they need to set up eg taking her every hour until she gets used ot asking, or slowly stretch out the times between going.

a card to ask when she needs to go is good.

also a visual schedule, with toilet breaks shown on it, so that she gets used to going at regular times (eg, always go after snack time each day, then after lunch, before circle time, whatever)

Daughter pretty good at going on her own most of the time, so teacher usually just reminds her to go. She can speak, but she doesnt communicates her needs ie: she needs to go toilet or when she doesnt eat/drink at lunchtime she doesnt say anything, so teacher has to check her lunchbag or if shes hurt.
She has a personal educational plan and teacher does go and tell her there isnt anyone in the toilet, but shes still scared. About changing the electric hand dryers to wipes. I doubt theyll do that. The whole school has it as part of making the school more modern. Although she had speech and language therapy, and currently have a special needs person with her once a week its still a big problem. Since the therapy she started talking and make sense, but shes got a long way to go. Ill check with the teacher if they be able to go with her to the toilet, but since there`s 30 children in the class I doubt they will.

How is she at home? Could she perhaps have a urine infection and be associating the dryers with the fact that going for a wee hurts? If she is hanging on to bursting and then sitting in wet clothes she might end up with an infection anyway even if it is not the cause.

I wonder how she feels about being wet and what the other kids are saying to her? Would letting her wear some pull up pads for a while help?