Similar to feeling a bit sad thread

[Jimjams]

Went to the beach today with my mum and the boys. We were sat near a family on holiday, and the granny asked whether ds1 was autistic! They were lovely - built him sandcastles to knock down, took him to the sea. Commented on how you always get told that autistic children aren't affectionate, but that he was really cuddly and friendly. Her sister works with autistic children so that was how she recognised it. Just feel a bit strange becuase it's the first time anyone has asked - he's suddenly got alot taller - so it's only now that it has started to become obvious.

Not sure I'm sad, but did feel a bit funny.....

Hmmm, that must be tough, jimjams. I guess she said it with the best of intentions, probably wanted to pre-empt you having to say anything. How lovely that he's friendly even with strangers though- it will stand him in good stead at school, won't it (not to mention his angelic good looks )
Wish I could say something to make it better. I can't so I just ramble hopefully (we need a rueful face emoticon).

It's a strange feeling, I should imagine Jimjams. On the one hand it must be wonderful that the woman recognised his needs, and understood him, but also it's another reminder that he is different to most children isn't it?

Dh and I were talking only yesterday about how hard we expect it to be when we take ds2 to the beach this summer, now he is the age where the differences start to show. Will he be stared at etc? And on a practical issue what if the sand is too hot for him to crawl on, what can he do then?

I find it comforting to know that there are others with the same feelings iyswim.

Jimjams I can only echo what Tamum and Lou33 have brilliantly said.Your son is really cute.LOL and take care

I know where you are coming from here, Jimjams. Before ds was formally diagnosed with Aspergers I took him to a home ed outing, where there was a "new" family (new to home ed, that is!) that we hadn't met before. About half way through the afternoon she approached me and asked if ds had Aspergers - he son has it too, and she says that it gets really obvious to spot if you know what you are looking for. I went home and cried (but this was before he was properly diagnosed - although we were fairly sure by this point.) I don't know why it is so hard to have other people recognise it, but it is.

Ooohh Jimjams - that must have produced so many mixed emotions for you. BUT , on a positive note, ds seems to have enjoyed it at the beach

jimjams, I can just imagine how you must have felt. It's that bittersweet thing again - nice that the woman empathised with you but sad that she had to do so in the first place.

A bit off topic but .....
I've started a new job recently which is based in a house where the owner's son has exactly the same condition as dd2 (small head, dev delay). He is now 19 and is there all day, and it's a bit upsetting as he obviously has pretty severe problems (mainly to do with social interaction and "inappropriate" behaviour). Despite this, he has learnt to play the violin and got a distinction in grade 1! Since then, his head grew 2cms (which is pretty incredible with this condition) - sorry waffling, but perhaps I should get dd to play the violin !?!

Ahh JimJams, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was on the plane to France and the woman behind was being so lovley with Lottie and then she said 'My nephew is DS', and I just instantly felt all weird! I thought - is that why you were being nice to her, and then quickly realised that was unfair and silly, but couln't help but feel disappointed that she'd seen it. I want people to see Lottie for Lottie, and then if I choose to tell them then great. It's silly I know. I do know exactly how you feel though JimJams. Feels a bit weird, maybe a teeny bit sad but more .... dissapp[ointment??? I'm with you on that one and and send you a big hug {{{{{}}}}}

jimjams I know how you feel, I am always acutely aware of stares etc. but sometimes I think I am imagining them. When people ask you it is always a shock because your own family is normal to you.

Caroline5 my dd has a small head too with development delays, the paed at the clinic said it was microcephaly but then the hospital paed disagreed just said her bones are very small, so on her notes it just says small head-try not to worry too much my dd is making good progress

Thank you everyone - knew you's understand. i'm actually secretly impressed she got the diagnosis right- she was of the generation that usually says "I don't care how good he is at colouring i he shouldn't be behaving like that!"

Just kind of hammers it home though.

Mind you this time last year he refused to go anywhere near a beach - so loads of progress....

JimJams

sorry you felt sad, but really it's good that someone sympathetic recognised the situation and went out of their way to play, perhaps it gave you half-an-hours break?

If it's any consolation, my stepson (SS) soon to be 21 can have the opposite problem, in that as he walks around town or wherever everything seems totally OK, It's only when he has to interact that he seems "odd". Because of that, I constantly worry that he is going to get into trouble, either with people misunderstanding him or his motives, or with youths taking the p*ss, and going too far.

When he was about 15, I persuaded his dad (my dh of course) to teach him to cross the road without holding hands, it wasn't easy to cure that ingrained habit, but had to done because of the stares (and occaisionally remarkes) that were passed our way as a man of 40 held hands with a 15 y.o. boy.

JimJams, The world can be a rotten place. I've grown up with physical disabilities, and have had (still get) all the staring, patronising and bigotry that can be dished out. Then, when it seems you can't take any more, someone will smile on you and ds, be kind and happy in your company, and you'll feel much better again.

Sometimes as you already know, Something totally inappropriate will make you laugh. then you'll carry on.

If I go out with ss, I know people can't work out who is the carer

Easy - you're so right and what a lovely post. It can be a rotten world and it is lovely when people show kindness to each otherand our faith in human nature is restored. I don't know why it would feel odd to us when people recognise our childrens special needs, it's just soemthing that happens.
I know what you mean about it being the other way round as well. My sister has terrible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)and she has often said she'd rather be in wheelchair becasue at least people would recognise her'disability'. She feels it hard that people don't know what a difficult time she's having when she's out and don't understand why she's so quiet and nervous when she 'looks perfectly normal'.

Thomcat my sister said the same, she had cystic fibrosis, and everyone expected her to be 'normal'. She even had the PE teacher chase her round the school field because he said she was being lazy (she was bad for a week after!)

You're right easy- and it was so much easier than dealing with the tut tut brigade. They were lovely people- it was just strange to find that he is now old enough for his behaviour to stand out. Mind you its amazing how many people completely fail to notice- because he looks normal. If people are tutting becuase of screeching or something I always feel like saying "do you really think this is normal behaviour?". Havent done yet though.

fio2- that's appalling!!!

my ds who is 7 1/2 is beginning to be really picked on when out side playing, he is autistic and his differences must be beginning to show to the other kids and he is starting to get bullied and picked on by the other kids who live in the street it is so distressing and upsetting i just want to get a hold of them and shake them saying leave him alone. it is quite scary to think how things will go as these kids get older and ds stays as he is.

Oh Loobie how dreadful for you and your son. I think it's every mum's fear that it will happen one day, but so much more so for those with special needs. I know dh and I have already talked about the day when (not if) this happens to ds, who has cp, and it fills us with sadness, dread, fear and a hundred other emotions already (ds is only 2y5m).I have no advice to offer but plenty of sympathy and hugs for you.

ohh Loobie, that's awful. I'm SO sorry. Lottie is only 18 months but I sometimes have little flashes of thoughts of other kids picking on her and it just makes my blood boil instantly and I get in a state just imagining it. Kids can be so cruel. How do you stop yourself from going out there to those boys, it must be so hard for you. Do you think it might help if you had a quiet word with the parents, or invited these boys, one by one round for tea and explained in some way that your son is very special and needs them to be his freind, not to be teased???? I don't know if that's the right thing or not but it must be heartbreaking to witness your son being bullied and not be able to do anything. I wish I knew for sure what you could do and what to say to you, all I can do is offer you my sympathy, support and a big hug {{{{{}}}}}

Fio2 - That's awful, your poor sister. I need my faith in human kind restored again.