How do you keep on coping?

[IndigoBell]

I'm feeling so drained. So tired. I spend all of my time worrying about my 3 kids. Probably to an unhealthy degree....

DS1 is 9 and has Aspergers and other related conditions. We've just moved school and they're really good to him, but it's highlighted how even in a good school he has got problems. He's only allowed at school till 2:30 as they don't have a TA in his class in the afternoon, and they won't have him in the class without one. I really want him to go fulltime but because the school are being so good I don't want to make a huge fuss.

I can't decide between doing sensory integration treatment, or retained reflexes treatment, or both, over the summer holidays.

My DD has just started at this new school last week. After years of her old school telling me she was absolutely fine and I was the problem and an anxious parent etc, the new school have straight away worked out she can't read at all. They've given her level 2 books to bring home! (She's in Year 2, so should be able to read by now, and should be on at least level 9 or 10. At her old school she was on level 5.)

Now, I knew she couldn't read, but because the old school kept on insisting she could I'd started to believe them. Level 2! I'm really shocked. That puts her about 2 1/2 years behind - after 3 years at school.

Then to top it all off we're really strongly starting to suspect that DS2 also has aspergers. School haven't noticed yet, but after reasearching it for DS1 I can now see too many things that worry me. For example his reading and writing are very good - yet he's very immature emotionally. He has been obsessed with club penguin for a year and a half now. Quite a long time for 6 year old. etc, etc. You know how it is. You're not sure if you're crazy, or if all of these little things add up.

Grrrr. I just keep turning everything over and over and over in my mind.

Hug wanted...... And a box of tissues.

Because if I don't my dc's suffer.

I found out Friday evening that panel will not help us with direct payments over the holidays - they have assessed him as moderate needs although every other piece of paper associated with him says severe with 1-1 needs. So its off to appeal. I have to find the time and the energy to pull reports together etc in an area I have no experience of while working part-time around the dc and trying to meet their different needs.

Friday I had a slight wobble. Yesterday I was bashing out e-mails and collating risk assessments etc. I may not suceed but it will not be for lack of trying.

because we have to.
it all sounds very hard if you dare to take a look at the whole picture or glance too far ahead.
my twin girls are now 16 they have autism nd LD my son is 13 he also has autism they all go to a fab SN school which is really good they know what they are doing and i don't worry when they are here.
i do worry about if anything happens to me as i am a widowed parent with no family back up. i go with bite sized chunks and find that helps a lot.

Indigo - it overwhelms sometimes doesn't it, and it is hard to switch off. Just made a yummy banana bread with fudge icing (I bake when stressed!) - sending you an extra large piece.

By thinking of the way ahead like a path at night lit by a lantern -- I can only see the next few steps not the whole road, so I just walk the next step and try not to worry about the road.

By trying to take the pleasure I can in being with the children (very hard at times, I know).

By trying to give myself time away (in my case this includes time at work, I know not everyone can do this), and not begrudging myself glasses of wine, pieces of cake, novels and other indulgences.

I count myslf as really lucky tbh.. We have a rare genetic nasty.. Poor old dsis got the brunt of it.. So to have three children one of which asd/as and related, isn't so bad in the big scheme of things ( doesn't stop me worrying though).. I got to count his fingers and toes and all seemed well.
Does that make any sense?
I think watching my parents and their and my sisters life made me realise it could have been a hell of a lot worse.
One step at a time, fire fight what you have to and try and enjoy your children.

By looking back and remembering how very much harder it has been in the past.
By taking one day at a time, sometimes by taking one hour at a time.
By posting on sn boards so that when I screamed and yelled and frothed at the mouth, I was with people who understood, even though we'd never met.

Ohhhhh forgot the hug .. X

Because I have to as a single parent there is no one else .

But on the practical side one Day at a time .I have just joined a gym which is something for me and as tired as I am after I do feel better for it.And posting on here or skituk really helps to talk to people that get it!!!

is there something you can do just for you?

Thanks guys,

I feel better able to put it in perspective this morning. And yes I am very lucky - there is nothing
much really wrong with my children. Only in comparison to others they have a few difficulties.

I'm going to try and stop borrowing trouble. Assume there's nothing wrong with DS2 until school start complaining. Assume school will never teach DD to read - but that I will. And just concentrate on one thing at a time for DS1

I'm not very good at taking things as they come and not worrying about the future. Especially as I learn on here about all the things I could be doing for them

But I'm going to have to let go a bit and calm down. Otherwise I'll have a break down and thatwont help anyone.

I am lucky enough to work. But because of that I don't really have any time for myself because I feel I should spend all my evenings and weekends with the kids. Still at least I do get away from it all at work.

this is a really helpful thread. hugs all round

But i did just read the first three words of Riven's last post and think "hang on, lady, that's a bit drastic..."