Does anyone have any activities or tricks we can use for improving eye contact?

[Sputnik]

Just that really. DS (3) has language delay and pretty poor eye contact, which I would like to improve on. Anyone had any success with this?

Blowing bubbles works with my DS who is same age with same problems. Also other games that involve building tension like putting a car down a tube or throwing balls.

Blowing bubbles works with my DS who is same age with same problems. Also other games that involve building tension like putting a car down a tube or throwing balls.

Blowing bubbles works with my DS who is same age with same problems. Also other games that involve building tension like putting a car down a tube or throwing balls.

Thanks Kurly, he would love cars down tubes. Bubbles usually degenerate into him wrestling the blower off me and trying to use it himself!

holding sweets between my eyes and get her to look at me and when she did gave her sweet, that did the trick for me.

I've worked hard to get my DDs to make eye contact but now I'm not sure it was the right thing to do. They both find it uncomfortable and DD1 feels compelled to do it anyway because she knows it's rude not to. It just adds to her already severe social anxiety.

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying that if I had my time again I might find out a bit more about it before I started working on it.

Red lipstick on your nose! Worked well for my DS but his glanguage delays were mild.

Interesting point Al1son, come to think of it I find prolonged eye contact uncomfortable too, but force myself into it. Always wondered how much others are doing it too, or if it comes naturally to most people.
Hairy funnily enough the speech theraist suggested lipstick. On my lips as it happens but perhaps nose would be more fun.

Speaking as someone on the autism spectrum, eye contact is difficult for really good reasons for many of us.

Normally when people look at someone, they look at the eyes and mouth to work out whether the person is...

...An enemy? No? It sends the signal on to the other part of the brain...Is it...
A friend? Who they are? What they are feeling right now? What do I remember about them?

And from that info, they then use their own eye contact and face expressions, tone of voice, body position and words to signal how they are feeling. They can hear and look at the same time.

For many of us, our brain looks at someone's eyes, sends the signal straight to the "is it an enemy" part of the brain...and the signal gets stuck there.

For me, it's like looking into the eyes of a predator about to eat me, because my brain can't transmit it on to the other parts of the brain to find out more.

So making me do eye contact is like sitting you down in front of the real life Alien (from the film with Sigourney Weaver in it) and telling you that I'll give you a sweet if you can look it in the eye for a while. How much would you be listening to instructions, do you think? You'd be nearly wetting yourself with fear.

It doesn't mean I think you're the Alien, it means my brain can't interpret eye contact without the signal getting stuck in the wrong place...and it's pointless making me just stare into eyes that register as terrible fear for me.

Not the case with all autistic people/people with eye contact challenges, but it can be.

I find it's easier to socialise with people "my way" - working alongside them and using my ears to hear what they are saying, and words/safe consensual touch to say whether they are a friend.

Very interesting Amberlight.

During a training session the other day, it was pointed out to us that eye contact for someone with ASD is too difficult sometimes as they are having to process too much information and can't hear what you are saying.

Eye contact is overrated IMO

Thanks for that insight Amberlight, I love your Alien analogy! As far as we know DS is not on the autistic spectrum, the neurologist more or less ruled it out, though he does have a few traits, which may be a symptom of his speech delay.

I don't think eye contact makes him uncomfortable as such, some of our best eye contact happens when he is relaxed and he is lying down and we're singing a song etc. For me it's more of a question of getting his attention and getting him to watch my face as I talk. I guess I take it (perhaps mistakenly) as a sign he is focusing.

The object of my DS eye contact is also attention. We have been told that it is not necessary for him to maintain the eye contact as long as his attention is still on me or what we are doing.

I tend to ensure that DD2 is listening to me by stopping her playing with things and making sure her eyes are not on a screen. That way I can be reassured that she's listening without feeling like I'm overwhelming her - which would stop her absorbing what I was saying anyway.

I do sometimes find myself saying 'Look at me' when I'm cross and then I feel bad.

amberlight i think you have just described my dds problems with eye contact perfectly and have made my cry. Sorry to be so wet. I am sick of the comments and explainations. I was on the verge of losing my temper with her about it which would not be helpful. You have helped me to see things her way again Thank you !

Sorry, have not read all of this but I wouldn't force eye contact. In DS's case, he had more or less NO eye contact until his communication improved. So I would work as hard as possible on that and other things are improved along with it. You may also have to accept that eye contact will never be completely typical and realise that a person with ASD is often looking at something and may be using their peripheral vision, it just isn't what we are used to.

I don't bother if they make eye contact or not.

As long as they are listening to me.

I think trying to listen, take in what you are saying, respond to you AND make eye contact is sometimes too much for them.

Eye contact is more for us than it is for them.

Work on their understanding and their responses. Don't worry so much about the eye contact.

Before I realised that it was something that really we work on for us, not for them, I did do things like blow bubbles, let go of a blown up balloon, send a car down a little ramp, etc etc. I'd have whichever ready to go, make a sort of drawing-in-breath gasping noise, and when they made eye contact, let it go/blow/whatever. So they learned that making eye contact got the bubble/balloon/car/whatever.

I don't never ask for eye contact these days. Sometimes I ask them to look at my eyes and say "What do my eyes say?" "My eyes say I Love You." Sometimes if they are blanking me I will get their attention by insisting they "look at my eyes".

I don't think they make that much eye contact - ds1 does much much more than ds2 - but they talk now, they respond, they take in information, they do fine, it's not really a problem.

In fact. I am working on following instructions atm. Started with simple ones and getting more complicated. Last night I said to ds1 "Go to my bedroom. Stand at bookcase. Get the book that is on the highest shelf. The last book on the right hand side."

Ok, he went up, came back down with my inhalors but I repeated the instruction and he came back down with the book Bloody amazing!

He didn't look at me once.

Who frigging CARES!!!!

I cannot stress enough that it really doesn't matter. The eye contact I mean. Work on the other stuff.