do you ever have moments where you think you've just imagined it all, your child is fine and you feel a bit silly?

[redhappy]

The last week or so, I keep feeling like it's all a bit unreal. Ds has been referred to paed for assessment for asd. I have always been convinced he has it. I spose we have seen some 'improvements' the last few weeks. Or maybe it's because we've moved, and new people are meeting him. I think they want to reaasure me and they say things like, 'oh he's fine, he can do this can't he?'

And in a way they're right, but only on a really superficial level. He LOOKS like he's joining in with other kids, but really he's standing next to them acting out scenes from his favourite films....

I just feel really confused! he is 3.5 so maybe it's because he's so young and I just don't know what the future holds.

Do other people sometimes think it's all in their head?

Is he in preschool? If so what do they think? Whatever is wrong you are doing the right thing in pushing for an ezrly assessment. My ds is ASD and his autism does change with different environments so that people often say there seems to be nothing wrong with him.
But they have usually only met him in a superficial manner. It's when he is stressed or starts repetitive conversations or when you see him with his peer group that it stands out.
Getting him assessed is a positive way forward. If there is nothing wrong then no harm done. HTH

Yes i feel similar. I'm seeing my HV next wk to discuss various concerns with my ds (who is also 3) so have not reached your stage yet but some days i wonder if its me or not. My dh doesn't seem to think anything is a problem he won't grow out of but i feel it could be more. His nursery are not concerned because they have seen a small improvement in him since he started last sep and because he doesn't tantrum. I wish he didn't tantrum at home!

Whenever my dcs are not actually crawling along the corridor or huddled up in pain I feel like the world's greatest fraud, because they look so bloody normal.

Well deep down I know it's true, as you say cory, he looks so normal. I just need to keep reminding myself of the things he does that aren't so normal.

The other week we were in the park and he really took to the fabric of an older girls skirt...she was standing on a post and so it was the same height as his head. He kept rubbing his face against her skirt and trying to sniff it

Somehow I managed to draw him away and no one noticed a thing. Maybe I've improved my parenting of him now I have better understanding. It's not at odds with his behaviour now so I notice anything is different.

nikos we recently moved so he changed preschools- when they heard he was leaving his preschool asked me to come in to discuss their concerns. tbh, they were identical to my concerns.

I think a part of me is thinking maybe he will grow out of it then?

Seems like nobody really knows, our children have this in unprecedented numbers, maybe it's a different kind of autism now? I know that's clutching at straws, I think the not knowing is starting to get to me now.

Hi, I had concerns about my ds and asd when he was 2-3 years old, everyone said no he was fine, lots of boys are obssessed with thomas the tank engine etc etc. Fastforward to almost seven and he is undergoing asd assessment, and already had dx of adhd. I really wish I had pushed sooner but part of me didn't want to know back then anyway.

I change my opinion daily about my Dd who is 3.9 and about to be assessed for developmental delay, she has possible oral dyspraxia (i think) and has speech therapy three times a week so I don't think they would give that to her if others didnt share my view but these things arent always logical.

Like sumum says though, others are so keen to reassure us, understanably so sometimes. O and sumum I turned down an assessment for DD a year ago when audiologists suggested she needed more than her hearing assessed, now kicking myself as have had to wait ages when I finally decided she needed more help.

FWIW I even sometimes think I imagined her genetic condition or think people think I am inagining it, even though Ihave it on paper and give her life saving medicine four times a day!

I also wonder if I think we're too happy?

I mean it's not easy- I bought a new toothpaste 3days ago, and he still screamed tonight and refused to brush his teeth. So those moments remind me something is wrong, although it is so normal for us I think I forget most children wouldn't do that.

But I love him to bits and we have a lot of fun together, and as a family too. I hear about the terrible times other people are having and think I must be making it all up.

However, he will be 4 in september, and a developmental check 2weeks ago put him at 18-24 months as an overall average although, that was a VERY bad day, so I can still talk myself out of that too.......

Yes, I went through all these feelings before dx - it was like being on a rollercoaster - good days when I thought we were making progress and DS was fine and then the dreadful bad days when I was in tears over his behaviour/oddities. TBH things were so bad and the not knowing if it was in my head was so awful that the dx was a relief.

redhappy - this ia a very difficult stage you are at. Assessment will not change whether your son is asd or not. So keep plowing on with that and just treasure the days where there seems to be nothing wrong. I always think these are positive because it shows how our children can cope when everything is going their way.
That nursery have concerns is probably key. They see the child amongst peers and how they socially interact when you are not there. Looking back early dx was the best thing we did for our son. He is now thriving in a mainstream school (he's 5.5). Keep in mind that you are doing a great job by setting all this in motion.

I relate to this completely. DS is 3.1 and has assessment next week for asd. I first thought he had (for want of a better word) peculiarities around the age of 2 or earlier. But like you, I managed to talk myself out of it for months, explaining away each individual thing and unwilling to look at the whole picture.

DP didn't really help by making me feel I was imagining things - understandable really, particularly as he wasn't the one spending his days with him comparing him to other children of the same age. It was only when nursery raised concerns about his interaction with his peers that we couldn't bury our heads in the sand any longer. Just wish I'd been braver sooner.

But we haven't told anyone yet what's happening (not even family) and I think they'll be really surprised if he gets a diagnosis, as much of ds's behaviour could be put down to being a 'difficult' 3 year old, and in some ways he seems like any other child his age - but I realise how much I've adapted life around what he can/cannot cope with (eg can't arrange coffee with a friend unless it coincides with his lunch to ensure he stays at the table etc).