Where to start?

[Twowillbefine]

Hello - I'm new to this Mumsnet lark although I have been lurking for a while.

I have one son (3.5) who has been diagnosed as autistic and specifically with communication issues. He is totally non-verbal, never said a word (not even mummy) and makes no effort to do so.

He has settled in well at nursery and appears to enjoy himself and they have offered a full time place from Sept which I think is a good thing.

I suppose there's nothing particular I wanted to ask, but to hear about any others with non-verbal children. At the moment it's making me quite down (although I am also 29 weeks preg so I am sure that has something to do with it too!), and sometimes I think, well if you won't speak to me, I won't speak to you. I know this is unreasonable and it's only for a short time but just feeling really frustated. Also not helped by the fact he isn't yet toilet trained (can hold it but won't go on the loo) which I'm also building up stress about.

Sorry for the vague ramble, just looking for some encouraging words really.

Cheers

Hi TWBF

Is your son at a SN or Mainstream nursery. Are you happy with what they are doing to encrouage communication in all forms not just speech.

Does he communicate any needs with you - to get a toy, put on dvd, favourite choocy biscuit? People here recommnded "It takes two to talk" by Hanen which was realyl helpful - there is another one called "More than words" and I don't know which would help more.

I tried to potty train my ds when i was 7 months preganant and he was 2 1/2. it nearly broke my back. give yourself a break and leave it until new baby is a few months old - you never know he might just get it straightaway[optimistic emoticon].

It is great that he enjoys himself at nursery.

Hi, just wanted to say hello. My ds (3.1) has not been diagnosed (yet) but we strongly suspect he may be autistic - he is verbal but has definite social interaction problems and other challenging behaviour. He's got his first assessment in 10 days time, and in the meantime we're hoping to start ABA therapy to help him.

Haven't got any words of wisdom I'm afraid as I'm also rather new to this, but also wanted to say we're struggling with toilet training too - same as you by the sound of it, he has control but absolutely refuses to use the loo or potty.

I'm sure we'll chat more over the coming months, and am sure that many people will be along who can give you far more advice and wisdom than me.

Thanks for responding guys.

DS is in a mainstream nursery and so far they have come across as wanting to develop their own knowledge and skills. I know that they had an inset day where they all got training on autism and a bit on PECS I think. So I'm reasonably confident that they are doing their best. What they're not so good with is telling us what they're doing.

He communicates fairly well with us, will bring his beaker for a drink, and books / toys he wants to play with, he pointed very late but now does it all the time, will make a grunting noise as an interogation and has also started waving bye-bye when prompted(never did it before) which I am loving. He is also a very affectionate child.

Appreciate your words on toilet training - this is also what my partner said so perhaps I should listen to him more!

Bialystock - Good luck with the assessment. wll say that everyone we've dealt with for C has been great. And I should probably know what ABA therapy is but I don't....

Hi, i have a dd2 with ASD, at the age of 3 she was non-verbal, we never thought she would be able to communicate with us (other than taking my hand and dragging it to what she wanted). Dd2 was referred to a SN nursery after her first appointment with SALT, within a few weeks she was communicating with PECS, she then started Music therapy which seemed to give her confidence to make noise (using instruments and then her voice). She's now 4.3 and can string 4 words together, she still uses the PECS but most of the time she can ask for what she wants. Her understanding has also improved and she can now answer simple questions ('what is your name?' etc..). She's still 1.5 years behind but she has made such progress.

The favt that he is communicating with you (bringing you his cup and pointing) is great and it shows he can communicate, this is a great starting point for PECS.

Toilet training - We still havn't mastered this , i would say 'don't worry about it too much'. Concentrate on improving his communication skills.

Hi twowillbefine
I have a 4 year old who was diagnosed with ASD this year.
Does your son have a speech therapist?
If so, ask about the Hanen programme "more than words".
Its all about giving your child a reason to talk and its really worthwhile.

ABA is Applied Behaviour Analysis - therapy based on the specific requirements of your child. There have been a few SN threads on this recently which might be worth taking a look at. I admit I've learnt virtually everything I know about from MN and a friend (also a MNer) whose son has been doing it for some months with amazing results.

I'm trying to take a relaxed approach to toilet training too - not too easy when ds is in the biggest size nappies and his peers are happily trained (and have 7 mo dd's nappies to deal with too - seem to spend my days changing blinking nappies), but even some NT children I know aren't trained till well past 3.

Congrats on your pregnancy btw!

Sorry, also meant to say, ABA is based on a positive-reinforcement ideology, where the basic principle is to reinforce 'good' (ie required) behaviour, so you/therapists reward the behaviours you are looking for (anything from engaging with you for 5 minutes to learning how to share a toy), with the aim of working on and developing each skill step-by-step. As I said, several threads just recently on this which are worth looking at if you're interested.

What you say about bringing toys and books and pointing sounds very encouraging. DS1 was non verbal til about 3.6. It is a generalisation but often ASD children who become verbal do so in the 3-5 window. 3 is very young for toilet training an autistic child so although it's frustrating to keep meeting 2 year olds who trained in 2 days, it's one of those things you just have to wait until development catches up a bit. DS1 trained between 4-5. It was a later and longer process but we did get there in the end.

Hi, my 4 year old was very much like your child at the same age and is now slowly experimenting with making new sounds and occasionally trying to use words (which he finds difficult because of low muscle tone).

I'll add in my vote for More than Words. When I read through it, it turned out I was doing a lot of it, already, but my husband found it very useful, since he doesn't spend as much time with DS2 as I do, so doesn't "get" him as instinctively.

Even though your son isn't try to speak, he is trying to communicate with you, which is important. My highly verbal DS1 had much more difficulty with actual useful communication than DS2 for the same age, resulting in a lot of frustration for everyone.

And I'll agree about it probably being a bit early for potty training. Anytime up to 3 months after the birth of a new sibling is poor timing for most neurotypical kids, anyhow, so I'd advise to forget about it for the rest of this year, unless your son shows really clear signs that he's ready and willing. It would be worth you enquiring as to whether you are entitled to some free nappies via the NHS, in the mantime.

meantime!

Thanks all. I'll look at tracking down More than Words. I work full time so my partner is the SAHD and he is much more relaxed than I am. I just find it hard to let go and I feel that I do all the "pushing".

It is encouraging to hear that some of your children weren't speaking at DS's age. I am hopeful. His comprehension continues to improve so that cheers me up too.

And whilst I won't say I'm pleased to hear that toilet training takes longer and happens later, perhaps I'll stop being so hard on us all to do it .

Hi just to say we have the same problem my dd is 4.2 at nursery and has development delay, still not talking although would love to can say yes and no thankgoodness and is still in nappies. We are now learning makaton but she gets a bit muddled with it.I never new there were so many mums out there with simular problems untill I joined mums net couple of weeks ago