I am being made out to be the worlds worst mum!

[CardyMow]

The SEN department at my DD's secondary school filled in a CAFS form to try and get DD some help. Had a meeting at the school, saw lady from TASCC (called something else now but not sure what), she seemed really nice, told me I should be getting DLA for DD, and possibly for DS2, said she'd put me forward to the ILA(independant living association) for an advocate, and she would try to get the DC's into a young carers group(due to my epilepsy). She told me she would refer us to the Children with disabilities team at social services, and while I was nervous of this, I tentatively agreed on the basis that it was the only way to get DD the help she needs.

The bitch only went and put a massive referral in to child protection saying she was worried about the safety of the children when I have seizures, saying that I was making DD & DS2's problems out to be worse than what they are (and all the evidence from OT, Physio, cardiology, eeg, peadiatricians, child development paeds, neurologist, enuresis nurse, asthma nurse, ENT, Audiology, SALT and others is obviously bolleaux and I have munchausens!) because the school (primary where the HT & senco are arses and have a personal problem with me) don't agree (errr maybe cos it'd cost them money to agree with me??!!), saying because DP is on the autistic spectrum he is unsuitable to leave the kids with (which, obviously the courts totally agreed with when we were separated, cos they gave him unsupervised overnight contact.....). Oh and that "they are concerned that mother wont engage with services unless there is financial gain involved" which again is bolleaux as all I want is the help that my dc's need. tears hair out

And now she says her team can't offer any help because there's been social services involvement in the past. (Yeah, when I had DD at 16, 12 years ago, and was still under the care of social services myself when she was born). Social services haven't bothered with me in the last 7 years except when the ADULTS with disabilities team did a care needs assessment on ME 2 years ago, told me what help I needed, then duly didn't bother to provide any of it(!).

The social worker came out 2 days ago, talked to me, I allayed their concerns, She spoke to the kids, and left seemingly quite happy with the situation, without even bothering to book a follow up appt, which usually means they'll do a report and not bother me again, she just said she'd phone me if she needed to talk about anything else.

But FFS, all I wanted was to get some help for DD. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!! And if you've managed to read all my rant, well done and thank you! Anyone got any ideas on what exactly I do next to try to get help for DD & DS2??

No idea I am sorry, but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.
Take lots of deep breaths, and hopefully someone will come along who knows something about it.

Loudlass I had a similar experience and didn't have anywhere near the amount to contend with as you do. Don't take it personally. The SW even made up an annonymous call for the file.

These things are unfortunately a sign of the times. It isn't you.

Y'know, really I know it isn't me, the NHS aren't going to waste their precious resources doing stuff for someone who doesn't need it, are they? And me having a disability does not mean I'm incapable of looking after my dc's. But it's just the ruddy injustice of it all.

It's all over the fact that I had an appt. with this woman from TASCC at home (before the school meeting) but I'd had a seizure and was sleeping it off, so didn't hear her knock on the door. (During the day while the dc's were at school, I must add). And I still picked the dc's up from school. She got the arseache about me 'not being available for the meeting and wasting her time without prior notice'. So the fact that she didn't even bother to ring me (which would have roused me) helps does it? Or takes into account/makes adjustments for my disability??

She's just a total nutjob, who only sees the worst in any situation. Still means that I'm not getting help though. And I don't want CP sniffing round as I'm pg again, and they'll have kittens about me looking after a baby when I've got epilepsy. (Despite the fact that I was dxd when DS2 was 2 weeks old, and he's still here....)

Loudlass - do you get any support for your own disability from any organisation e.g. Epilepsy Action.Tel 0808 800 5050

I am just thinking that this is very discriminatory and judgmental practice. Rather than empowering/supporting you, they are criticising you for being disabled and then,without understanding your condition, they are making assumptions about your limitations.

I think if you are better supported, then you might not feel so undermined and isolated in seeking support for your DD

Just a thought - tell me to bog off but some conditions are very badly understood and people can be very prejudiced.

It really isn't just you, Loudlass. I just received my SS Needs Assessment yesterday - I self referred but was rejected by the Children and Disabilities team so ended up with CP too. They've misreprsented stuff, got advice from the other teams who have been unhelpful and basically blamed most of DS' issues on me.

Parents are always being told not to be scared of SS involvement and I wanted support with respite, but right now I just want our case closed and don't want to deal with them again.

It's hard for me to get any face to face help from my local epilepsy action as the meetings are held on the other side of town in the evening, by the end of them I'd have to catch 2 buses back home, only I'd only e able to catch 1 as by then the buses back to my house have stopped running. It sucks, and they've helped me over the phone, but it's not the same as having someone there with you when these meetings are happening. TBH all I want now is for social services to bugger off and leave my family the hell alone, but apparently because we have 'a complex set of needs between the family members' even the social worker said she hadn't seen a family with as many problems all at once. flops on sofa sick of the effort of it all after 12 years and 2 SEN dc's and own disability

How terrible that they blamed you, rather than supporting you.

Definitely complain about your treatment if you have the energy and the fact that is has become more about you than meeting needs.

aww gawd. I was just about to make a self referral to SS for help/ respite. I've heard stories before that make me incredibly nervous about doing it and now even more so.

I wouldn't..I had no choice as was referred by the community paed, even then they are doing the assessment but refusing to provide respite, so it hasn't achieved anything except make me feel very uncomfortable under their scrutiny, tbh.

yeah ds' nursery want to do a CAF for 1:1 & summer funding - I can't see much good coming from it.

This is the kind of shit that leaves me raging - if they gave a damn about the children (which they don't of course) how could they think attacking their parents would be helpful [FURY]

Been through all this and am just about out the other end after 20 months crap. They've caused me (especially - as I've had to deal with most of it), dh and PIL much stress. MIL used to be a SW and has been quite shocked I think at what we've been through. Haven't got the help I've repeatedly asked for (direct payments) and don't believe I ever will.
Makes me so angry that they've wasted so many resources giving me nothing but grief simply because ds is disabled. Could have spent that money much more wisely if it were mine to spend.
You have my sympathy for having to go through this too.

tbh I think venting on here has helped to calm me down, the stress doesn't do me any good, what with being pregnant and having epilepsy.

Oh loudlass, I wish I could say something positive. But SS assessed us when DD3 was 9 weeks old. The SW said something vague about "I had photocopied a leaflet, but forgotton to bring it...". Then she wrote a report saying that DD1 was a lively child who likes adult attention (don't worry about that little thing called a brain malformation, then...) and that I should continue using 'universal services'.

We were referred to SS Disability team because of our two children with autism/dyspraxia. They said autism is not classed as a disability and we would not get any support. I obviously challenged this and SS took it very badly. Next thing I knew I was being accused of Munchausens and holding my children back. After a 4,000 legal battle and all our savings gone we have now got the case closed and the social worker sacked. I will never ever ask for any support from SS again, they are evil amd twisted and I have never heard one good outcome from them.

Plus when all that happened my husband was away in Iraq on military duty and I had SS coming round quoting child protection. It was the worst time of my life and I will never forget the worry of my husband having rocket attacks launched at his base and me being threatend with losing the kids. There wasn't a shred of evidence but that didnt stop them. Evil people.