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Getting rid of old clothes & toys?

11 replies

sahs1969 · 07/06/2010 06:56

Hi,
We are still awaiting a diagnosis for dd but have been told she has ASD traits-we are waiting to be seen at GOS for a 2nd opinion.

Just wandered if any others on here children are the same as dd who is now 9 1/2yrs?

She HATES it when her clothes no longer fit her and I want to clear them out her wardrobe-goes in to a complete meltdown.
At the weekend a zip on her top broke so I threw it away-well she found it in the bin took it out and again had a complete meltdown saying it's her favourite top and she wants to keep it forever-she wants to do this with all her clothes

the other thing is getting her hair cut-it is so long and my dad is a hairdresser-so had her hair trimmed yesterday but again if she see's more than literally the tiny ends cut off-she will go in to one.

???

s
x

OP posts:
siblingrivalry · 07/06/2010 07:11

Yep, dd1 is exactly like this. She is also 9 and has AS.
I don't get rid of anything until she is at school,then I double-bag things and make sure she doesn't come across them

Then, if she notices anything is missing, we tell her they have been put in the loft! If this was actually the case, the loft would need to be a tardis!

We are gradually introducing the idea to her of passing things on to her younger sister, which she is starting to do, but it's a slow process.

To be honest, I have taken this easy option because it's just not worth the stress otherwise -for dd or me.

siblingrivalry · 07/06/2010 07:13

Oh, I forgot the hairdressing thing -she actually had hers cut a couple of weeks ago and collected the cuttings off the floor and put them in a little bag.

streakybacon · 07/06/2010 08:26

We used to operate a sorting system of three piles:

Keep
Throw
One Last Time

A lot would go into One Last Time then get passed into Throw - it helped ds accept the transition.

We worked a lot on undestanding the limited space in his bedroom, how he couldn't get new stuff if there wasn't room for it, and it helped to have a sort-out before his birthday in November to prepare for that and Christmas.

Clothes were a bit different, he wasn't so bothered about keeping them but if there was something he was particularly attached to I'd let him wear them around the house but he would have to wear what I told him if we went out.

I'm afraid it's one of those long learning processes that just takes time. you just have to keep explaining. Some kids actually need to understand why they can't keep things and perhaps yours is one of them, so chucking things out when they're not looking wouldn't work.

Al1son · 07/06/2010 09:50

sahs1969, I am so glad you started this thread. I thought DD1 who has AS was bad about passing things on but DD2 (no dx yet) is in a class of her own. She has serious sensory issues about clothing and has very few that she is comfortable wearing. However if you suggest passing any on she goes ballistic. We had a two hour meltdown because I took away a few really grubby old socks which she was refusing to wear.

The one good part is that I tell he that she can only keep clothes if she wears them. This means that she has to put them on to prove to me that she will wear them. Yes, she takes them off at the first opportunity but I guess wearing them for any length of time will help with her sensory issues.

It is really good to know that she's not that unusual. Could it be a common ASD trait?

niminypiminy · 07/06/2010 10:31

DS1 has a t shirt that he has had since he was two (now six), mind you he still wears it, though it looks a bit peculiar. I try to operate 'one in one out' with clothes and toys. Interesting to learn that there are others out there with the same issues.

imahappycamper · 07/06/2010 10:44

Lol. We have a tardis loft too. DS also has a drawer full of T shirts he can never wear again because he gets distressed if we talk about getting rid of them. He also has car magazines dating back about four years in his bedroom.
We changed our furniture 8 years ago and we still have a cushion from the old sofa (a back of the seat cushion not a little square one) that he clung on to! It now resides in the spare bedroom but every now and again he has to sleep on it. (When he is feeling really bad he sleeps on the floor).
In the past we have had very ugly scenes when we tried to remove toys he is clearly too old for. He is 15 now and we have managed to get Action Man into the tardis (sorry loft) where he is waiting for our grandson to be old enough for him, but the cars are still there and this very morning are lined up along the landing because that's what you do on a school day when you don't want to go. I imagine him being 40 and still doing this!
He also used to wear red hoodies. We used to buy in advance, wash them and hang them in the cloakroom so they had the right "smell" before he needed to wear them. This has died down quite a lot now and he not only wears different colours, but will wear them as soon as they are bought.
We have just got so used to all of this we don't think about it, but seeing it written down it does look odd!

moosemama · 07/06/2010 11:47

Ds1 (8) has a verbal dx of Aspergers and is awaiting formal assessment.

He is just the same. He hates wearing trousers that don't have a soft waistband, not such a problem when he was little as they do those jeans that have a jersey waistband attached, but not so easy now he's bigger. He clung onto a particular pair of Winnie the Pooh fleece trousers for years iirc they were age 3 and he was still insisting on squeezing into them when he was 6! Fortunately he is small for his age and has a tiny waist and no bottom, but he still looked most odd with his trouser legs constantly at half mast. He kept them for a year after they would no longer fit and has now grudgingly agreed they can go to his brother - but under no circumstances must they leave the house. (The thing is, his brother is now 6 and not at all small for his age, so they just reside on a shelf in the wardrobe.)

He is the same about toys. Ds2 has a big sort out and give away to 'children who aren't as lucky' before every birthday and christmas. He will give away almost anything and is generous to a fault. Ds1 however usually manages to be persuaded to part with something like one small toy out of a kinder egg and he find that so difficult. He has a whole cupboard full of little bits of mostly unidentifiable plastic things from kinder eggs, party bags and comics etc. He never even looks at them, but there is no way he can be persuaded to part with even one tiny thing out of that cupboard.

I also remove things every now and again when he is at school. I tend to bag them up and store them in the loft. Then, if he hasn't noticed they've gone after a year, I get rid of them then. If he notices he is told they are in the loft and as I have had to on occasion fetch things back down that he's missed and got very upset about, he now thinks everything he's ever owned is up there. (Which would be clever as our loft is tiny and still contains all my late father's belongings!)

He is the same with haircuts as well. He will only agree to having a haircut if he can no longer see out and then only the tiniest smidgeon is allowed to be cut off. Fortunately he has lovely long surfy type curls, and this is a fairly popular look at his school, otherwise I could see this being a problem. He also refuses point blank to go to a barbers (can't stand the sound of the clippers or not being able to control which channel they have the tv on ) and will only go to our local ladies hairdressers who charge a fortune.

On a bigger scale, but I feel in a similar vein, he simply cannot cope with the idea of us ever moving house. Huge meltdowns, followed by days of being unsettled ensue if anybody even moots it. Not good really as we are a family of five and three dogs living in a tiny old house that needs a lot of work and there are complicated family related reasons why we really would prefer not to stay here. I can't see us ever moving though to be honest, as I think he sees the house as his security blanket and we couldn't take that away from him.

imahappycamper · 07/06/2010 17:54

We had the same problem about moving too.

Al1son · 07/06/2010 18:00

We were thinking of buying a different caravan this year as DD1 is too big for the child's bunk beds. DD2 went ape when we told her - really upset about the old one going. She wants to have a new one and keep the old one. Not looking forward to the day we do upgrade.

TheArsenicCupCake · 07/06/2010 18:09

Agree and nods with the things that have already been said!

I have been preparing ds2 ( asd a/s) all half term for a haircut.. We went through how long it would take.. Through to the itching.. Etc etc

today the haircut happened.. ( I do it at home as the hairdressers smells too strong.. And I can stop if he needs a break) I now have a short back and sides buzz cutty thing down to 8 mins and still looking decent!
We have to time it!

And don't even talk to me about clothes! Took an age to get him to wear new pjs

moosemama · 07/06/2010 18:09

Oh don't get me started on our vw camper. We've had it since just after ds1 was born (so 8 years now) and its no longer suitable for us as since our family has grown, as it has a full-width bed in the back, one infant bunk that fits in the cab and no push up roof.

We need one with a full-width bed, a couple of bunks or a push-up roof with a bed in and a cab bunk, but ds1 absolutely will not hear of us selling it. The whole family is very attached to it actually (they do tend to become part of the family) but its costing a fortune to keep on the road and we can't actually go on holiday in it anymore unless half of us sleep in the awning - which of course no-one wants to do. We try every year to persuade him, take him to see lots of other lovely vans at shows etc - even found one in his favourite colour - but still no go. It will just be a rusty old heap of metal bedded into the drive one of these days and he still won't let us get rid of it.

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