Dd1 has been hard work sinse staying at her grandads.

[Marne]

Dd1 is usually easy(ish) work, since staying at her Grandads on friday she has turned into a horrid child , its like her AS has got worse (or maybe she's finding it harder to mask it). Yesterday we took her out and we had to bring her straight back as she was having melt down after melt down (dd1 hardly ever has melt downs), when we got her home i sent her to her room to call down and then we had a chat. Some of the things she said to me were very hurtful and then she got very depressed and started saying that she was the naughtiest child in the world, nobody likes her and she's rubbish at everything .

I'm so worried that she's going to get depressed, she thinks so little of herself.

I'm not sure what has triggered off the bad behaviour or the depression. Could it be her stay at Grandads or could it be a side effect from the Melatonin that she started taking again on the night she stayed at grandads?

Transition, adjustment, break from he routine etc. Maybe even something minor while at Grandad's like the wrong food, plate or tv programme.

I do'nt think I'd be worried about depression on a one-off. No doubt she doesn't like the way she's behaved but can't work out why it happened - she'll be scared and won't want it to happen again but can't be sure she can help it, especially if she (like you) doesn't know what the actual trigger/s were.

Where did you take her yesterday? Was it busy with people out and about, sunny weather, school hols? Perhaps that added to her already being unsettled.

Give her an easy day today and let her settle back into her normal routine.

Agree with streaky..

We get this when ds2 returns from his dads .. Everytime..he is coming back today and it will take until Wednesday to get him back to his normal self.

Streaky - i think the 'different food' could be a big thing for her, she was starving when i picked her up.

The depression is not just a one off , it happens most evenings but is worse when she has been upset or naughty during the day. If we tell her off for anything she seems to take it to heart and she starts thinking she's useless and a horrid child.

She seems a lot better today and she said 'my brain feels better today mummy'.

If the food is a possibiity then you've got a starting point. Work on that first and see if she copes better at future overnights.

How old is she, Marne?

Although I can understand why you're worried I'd be very cautious about describing her low mood as depression though, even if it does happen fairly often. Being sad isn't the same as depressed, and I'd expect her to be unhappy after a meltdown. It sounds to me as though she knows she has limited control when she gets angry and it makes her sad, so work on helping her to recognise the early signs of anger so that she can stay in control. That helplessness is often the thing that brings about the sadness, iykwim.

How well do you prepare her for ovenight stays? Do you talk through expectations, what will happen while she's there, is there a plan or is she expected to fit in with whatever Grandad arranges? Perhaps she needs a bit more structure while she's there, even if it's a bit different to what you do at home.

She's 6.

Its my fault really, i shouldn't have let her go to her grandads, we knew she would be going over there sometime last week but grandad turned up without warning and asked if she would like to stay over (so no time to really prepare her), she wanted to go so let her go. I had to pick her up the next day as she was crying to come home, she told me 'she wanted to come home because she missed mummy and mummys food'. She didn't do much when she was there, just played in the garden with her grandads partner.

I guess i worry about depression because her dad suffers with it (as did his mum who took her own life). She often says 'she hates the world' and it upsets her that she has no close friends at school, she tells me that she feels lonely and she thinks she is the worst child in the world .

She gets very jelous of her sister as she gets a lot of attention as her Autism is more severe, i feel guilty because sometimes dd1 gets left to do her own thing when i'm seeing to dd2.

I think dd1 need something to boost her confidence but she won't try anything i suggest.

Bingo! So now you know what caused her to be upset so it should be fairly straightforward to prevent it again, or better still teach her to cope with unexpected changes of plan.

Could you perhaps pack some of the food she likes at home so she can have it at Grandad's, at least till she gets used to eating other things? It would be one less thing to consider and wouldn't be that awkward. Would be reassuring and familiar and might help her cope better.

Preparation for visits and other events can take a very long time and it's quite wearing when it's every single time. I've found it helps to have a typed list of basics (or pictures, if that's better) that I can put in a bag or the car or wherever and I can just draw ds's attention to the list rather than have to mention everything and risk forgetting. That might be a bit difficult for you as your dd is so young but you could 'train' grandad to cooperate with talking her through her visit rather than expecting her to manage without help. It seems that she needs something to prop her up.

I can see why you have your concerns about depression but I think it's important to keep things in perspective (hope you don't mind my saying that). Just because other people in the family have experienced it doesn't mean she will, or indeed is, and at her age and with her condition she probably won't have the necessary understanding of her feelings to express herself beyond 'sad' and 'naughty' and extremes like hating the world and being the worst child. I'd just continue to reassure her and give her lots of love and as much attention as you can when you've got your other dd to consider (must be hard for you with them both).

Sounds ridiculous, but when ds was your daughter's age I had a typed list on the wall of All The Things I Love About J. It came in very handy for those days when it felt like nothing was going right and we were always bickering - we just sat down and read it and reminded ourselves how much we meant to each other. It was rather lovely, as I remember .

For what it's worth, my ds found age 5-7 very hard because he really struggled in school at that age, largely because he hadn't a diagnosis till he was nearly 8 and it was hard for us to argue his corner without firm proof that he genuinely needed help. I've heard a lot of other people say it's been the same for their children on the spectrum so perhaps that might explain your concern that her AS has got worse recently.