I thought improvement in speech would mean better behaviour, I was wrong

[MojoLost]

DS1 (Learning difficulties, hyperactive, general delay) has become more aggressive at school.
His speech has improved so much, his understanding is really good, but his behaviour is coming more difficult to control. I thought it would be the opposite as his understanding improved.

School (MS, reception) has said he does not want to do anything asked of him at the moment and he is lashing out at teachers and children.

He is a really sweet boy, really keen to socialise with people. But for some reason he will have these outbursts of anger, grits his teeth and pushes, hits. Why, I have no idea.

Could you please share any successful stories about how your child's school has dealt with this type of behaviour? I am getting desperate, the school is great and very understanding but I get the feeling that they are starting to tire of the situation and just don't know how to deal with it.

What works???

can't advise about school behaviour (DS saves his worst behaviour for close family ) but I certainly found that the increase in language went with an increase in awkwardness - I think it's a side effect of an increased connectedness with the world, an appreciation of how what they say and do can actually affect a situation - rather than being a passive observer focussing on deducing visual clues

We had similiar with DS1 though it was triggered by the preschool implementing a disatrous visual timetable. It was revised but still the disruptive behaviour persisted. He wouldn't do as he was told at all, shouted at the other children, was distruptive at snack and circle time....and so the list went on. DS1's Specialist Teacher went in to sort it, and found the teachers were using too much language with him and he wasn't actually understanding what was expected.

Though DS1 has good expressive language, his receptive isn't at the same level. He also knows how to respond negatively to something even if he doesn't understand the subject so he sounds dreadfully oppositional (and he truly can be just that at times, not under any illusions!). The preschool were reporting they couldn't compliment him on his manners as he would respond angrily with "no I don't have good manners". Specialist Teacher made them realise he doesn't under the concept of good manners. Weak example but hopefully you get what I mean?

They re-jigged things a bit so he just had 1 1:1 support worker so things were consistent for him, revised the time-table to include a choice, used less language and after a few weeks DS1 settled back down. There's been the odd session where he's reverted to not so great behaviour but that's fairly typical for his age I think.

I hope you get it sorted.

We experienced a huge increase in ds2's confidence when his speech improved, with this came some aggression (although only a thome)
According to his psych this is common as a new found way to exercise choice & control.
He has settled again now & is a little more like his old passive self but the aggression does seem to coincide with spurts of development.

Same here, except mine is aggressive not just at school!!!

School use the following strategies - personal visual timetable (though all of class have visual timetable, this is one just for her).

'Own' special box of toys.

Home school diary that only mentions positive things (must be a real pain for poor teacher to fill in!)

School also finding it difficult but are calling in outside help for further ideas.

Thank you all for your answers. His has always been difficult, but the aggression is very worrying. MOre language = more choice and control makes a lot of sense actually. Maybe he has felt so subdued all this time that he feels has can now control others more by lashing out?

aanonandlikeit I like the idea that he might be having a development spurt. Althouth this problem has been going on for a few months now.

SmellyBill Thank you so much for that, it makes me think that it is possible the teachers are using too much language with him (he has a one-to-one fulltime). He is really good natured child, I just wish I could pinpoint the reason for this behaviour

ShoshanaBlue Do you mind me asking what sort of external help are they getting?

Is there any agency that could come to the school to help, I am prepared to pay for someone private if I have to.

Thank you again

What professional's do you have access to? Perhaps some fresh eyes in the classroom would help e.g. an Ed Psych/SALT/Specialist Teacher/Behaviour support worker may pick up on where things are going awry.

For my DS1 it went wrong because of a timetable, but then he got into the pattern of behaviour of being disruptive as he learnt he didn't have to do anything at all if he was kicking off. Also his preschool were making requests in the form of questions e.g. "can you go and do x now?" so DS1 would say "no!" Changing it to, "first wash your hands, then snack" or "sit down then play matching game" with a First/Then board did help.

For a very long time my DS1 was v passive in a group environment so him becoming disruptive was progress in a way - though we are working hard on giving him the skills to express himself more appropriately. It has really amazed me how a few seemingly minor tweaks have totally turned things round for him.

The SALT is involved with the school, we have no other support (we live abroad).

What you say really rings a bell, I think he has got into a pattern, if kicks off and says I am not going to do this, and he gets away with it. What you say about the way in which questions are asked also makes a lot of sense, thank you.

It is interesting to read all your thoughts, gives me a different perspective

He scratched the teacher today!
I am so tired of dreading coming home everyday to read what he's been up to.
I have laminated a couple of pictures (one happy one angry). I told the school that if he is aggressive they should send me the angry one, and there will be a consequence at home.

So they sent me the angry picture, and when he asked me to watch TV, I showed him the picture and said "no because you were naughty in school"

IT DIDNT WORK, he couldn't have cared less, just turned around and got on with it.

I don't know what to do or what to suggest

Sympathies on dreading pick-up time, I remember the sinking feeling all too well.

Did they have any idea what caused the scratching outburst? When DS1 was being disruptive at preschool I found this document www.thecbf.org.uk/10NEWFA.pdf. We managed to resolve DS1's behaviour before I suggested it, but worth a read to see what you think.

I've always found punishments and rewards difficult for DS1 as he isn't really motivated by any one thing so have no suggestions on that.

I really hope things improve soon, hang in there.

Sending the picture home is too delayed. Consequences need to be fairly immediate to make any impact. You can delay consequences but it needs to be clear and carefully done. You need someone who understands behavioural methods. School needs to be consistent and not just "punish" every time, they need to understand that, although it may look like naughty and unacceptable behaviour, he can't help it. He needs to be taught other strategies for when he feels himself getting upset or angry. Sorry, can't go into more detail or give better ideas as need to get DD to school.

Thank you for your answers.
I don't know what consequence can be immediate. They tried the naughty corner and believe it or not it was working for a few weeks, but no longer.
He doesn't seem to get upset by anything, it is so difficult to find something to "punish" him with.
How can they teach him other strategies?
Apparently he behaved better today, but scratched the teacher again. And he is being really nice at home this afternoon.
I am starting the think that the teacher doesnt know how to handle him. Maybe she is too soft and he is getting away with it.

Does he have any sensory issues? My ds started school last Autumn but just found the mainstream class with twenty five children too overwhelming even with 1-1 support. The noise and just the amount of people around was too much for him. His hitting and kicking increased (he always does this to some extent) and he spent most of the afternoons at school screaming. His IEP after a couple of months at the school listed as a target to work towards spending two fifteen minute periods in the classroom! He became a very unhappy wee boy nothing like his usual happy,bubbly self. Anyway, he is now happily settling into special school where he is in a class of six children and and he is not being overwhelmed by his surroundings. It might be useful to have him assessed by an occupational therapist - to rule out sensory issues if nothing else.

Ideally, they should not be punishing but reinforcing good/other behaviours iyswim. Also work on one very specific behaviour at a time, not just "being naughty", it isn't clear enough. Star charts or tokens can work as delayed reinforcement and it must be clear what is being worked for.

Although he speaks and shows lots of ability to socialise, how is his communication? Maybe assumptions are being made about his ability to communicate and he needs more support in that area.

If he is being resistant to any activities etc that are suggested it could be a transitioning problem, he may need warnings, count downs etc to get used to the idea of doing something else.

Hope some of this helps.