Asperger's..To be Rude ,Or Not be Rude...that is the question! (and if so...which is better...Me being rude or my son???!!!)

[MrsEffervescent]

Last night...something struck me as very 'funny'...in my warped and twisted way...about how 'Rude' sounding BOTH my husband and I ...AND... our asperger's sons can sound...in the 'giving and recieving of requests'

Here's what happened....

Andy called up to tom and asked
"Can you come down for your bath?"
Tom replied (very litterally)
"Yes...but i'm not going to"

Andy then got cross and tom came down saying

"well if you wanted me to come down- you should TELL me NOT ASK me"

Now....if you are not familiar with Asperger's...you will see him as a 'cheeky rude lad".... but i assure you he is not!!!

Now as parents we are told to offer choices to our kids...and speak to them as we'd like them to speak to us.

That fails with Aspereger's.

If we are direct to the boys eg "Bathtime- come down now!"...they do just that (after protest)

So big question.... when i am out with the boys and i utter a very blunt specific command (sounding like a sergent major)...I get 'corrected' or at least 'looked at'.....however if i do the "darling sweetie pie ...would you mind awfully pretty pretty pleeeease doing mummy-wummy a favour" ...then it's the boys who get looked as they reply "NO"

so...at home i am DIRECT...and Andy ignores my method and carries on 'asking' instead of 'telling'....

comments please!!!!

Sapphire1975 -- I think the point about tone is that while the kids won't pick up on it the potentially-disapproving adulta watching will. So if ME gives a sergeant-majorish command but in a nice tone it will work on the kids (who hear the command and are oblivious to tone) and other people will hear the tone not the sergeant-majorishness.

I've realised that this is probably a really silly post, I'm so sorry if I have annoyed, or upset anyone it wasn't my intention just to share a thought. I've contacted the moderator to ask if it can be removed.

H x

i've been thinking about the TONE bit...and i realised that i sometimes have to almost 'sing-song'the request or 'exaggerate' the tone...... so i still get the odd looks!!!!! However what does work better is linking their names into each request at the start and the finish.....