Where do you see your ASD child in 15-20 years?

[Marne]

A few days ago someone asked me this question (where do you see dd2 in 20 years time?) The person that asked me this has no idea about ASD (just what he has seen and read up about in the past few days), he thinks Dd2 will have no life and that she is severely Autistic (he has obviously never met a severely autistic child), this person hinted that dd2 would be better off dead rather than living into adult hood (basicly this bloke is a knob). Any way, this is where i see dd2 in 20 years time (at the age of 24):

I think dd2 will always need some support, that could be from a friend, from me or a carer, she may have to live in sheltered housing. I think dd2 will be able to look after herself (cook, clean, wash, shop etc..), if she gets the right support through school i have no doubt that she will pass GCSE'S and possibly A levels, Dd2 may struggle to get a job and might spend most of her life out of work. I know life won't be easy for her (is it easy for anyone?) but i believe that dd2 will be happy and will always have family and friends around her.

Dd2 is only 4 (still a baby), she has already proved every one wrong, i have great faith in her and i hope she proves us all wrong in the future.

To have someone tell me that 'dd2 will have no life' really hurt me but it has made me more determined to prove people wrong. I have a strong feeling dd2 will prove us all wrong when she starts MS school in september (i feel she should go to sn school but lets see if she proves me wrong, lets give her a chance).

Who knows where our children will be in 20 years time?

Where was my husband at 24?
In an Oxbridge college with accommodation, meals and bills taken care of whilst he obsessed about his subject and did amazingly well. Can't tell you what he's a world authority on or I'd be outed!
Where do I see my son in 20 years time?
More capable than his father at living in the real world, and with good academic results to back him.
I've focused on getting him the support he needed in school to obtain this, and in building his life skills out of schools.
Didn't your mum tell you not to listen to idiots spouting crap?
Well, I'm telling you now?

The long-term predictions for J depend totally on whether or not he's still violent. If so, the outlook is kinda gloomy. If not, he's such a genius at computers/ lights/ music that he will take the world by storm in some technological role.

Thanks Goblin, the idiot in question happens to be my mums partner , my mum argued with him and told him he was talking rubbish. He has only met dd2 twice and he told me he was to scared to come over as it upsets him seeing dd2 . He has me a couple ASD children and he assumes they are all the same (he hasn't got a clue), i have suggested that he gets to know dd2 before he judges her and Autism (even though i would prefer he stayed away from me right now), he was drunk when he said these things (well had a few drinks).

I spend every day fighting to get dd2 what she deserves in the way of education and therapy, when dd2 is at home we focus on life skills, she can already do so much more than her 6 year old sister (who has AS).

Its great to hear you dh's story and it proves that these idiots are wrong.

I have met very few ASD adults so its hard for me to picture dd2 in the future, quite often we only hear bad stories and stories of very severely Autistic children/adults. Tbh i can see both my girls going to UNI (with the right support) but people seem to think i'm mad when i suggest it.

We will prove the idiots wrong!

Wow, I admire your patience and understanding, I think i'd have decked him and sat on him until he begged for mercy (which with my butt would have been a very short few seconds)...

Sadly there is no short supply of idiots in this world.

I see my wonderful daughter at 22 years on a stage getting her diploma with a smile on her face and maybe even a boyfriend sitting next to us. She is very young at the moment and has many autistic traits (no diagnosis yet) but I will do everything in my power to make sure she at least has a chance at the above if she wants it.

You will meet a lot of ignorant, opinionated individuals along the way.
That's why I wear my stomping boots.

Where would you see any child in 15-20 year's time? Life happens to everybody. Your mum's partner might have a rather narrow view of what makes a fulfilling life, and by his criteria he might be absolutely right. I have never met him so don't know what he thinks would be fulfilling, but, for instance it may be completely true that your children will never have a wide screen television with wrap around sound and may never like football.

Whatever, I think it will be the misconceptions of people like your mum's partner that will hold your daughters back rather than their own abilities. Unfortunately prejudice is a problem for all people with disabilities, not just autism. This might make life harder work, but definitely still worth living.

DS is 9.

He wants to be a mechanic or join the army like his dad did. Either of those would make quite good career choices for him.

I would imagine he will need assisted living and minor support with bills etc but teh day to day of life he will manage quite well.

He may not be a market leader but he will have a good life.

Whoever told you she should be better dead [shock. quite frankly i would have punched them. what a disgusting thing to say to someone.

I think the best we can expect for dd1 is assisted living, she is quite severely ASD. That doesn't mean we dont hope for more, of course.

I think the day to day stuff will be pm for her, but she has a severe language disorder, and currently there is so much she just has no concept of (all the abstract things, money, social expectations etc) that it is hard to see sue will ever be independent.

But she is very young, and we have been saying for years already that we are aiming at her "education time" being up to 25 or so, rather than 18, to really give her the time to catch up.

Same here, I see DS becoming an engineer like DH and doing bloody well as he is so clever. I see him at uni finishing his degree(he will be 24) and living in the society without any extra support. I don't know why people he when people hear autism, they think about the severe cases. Goblinchild, it's encouraging to know what your DS is achieving and with right support DS will achieve that too. We see the ability our son has and we know he will cope better with the school and society when he is a bit older and when he has enough language.

Silverfrog- i think dd2 is very similar to your dd, dd2's main problems are with speech and understanding, at the moment she is 1.5 years behind but i'm hoping that the gap will close. As you say they are very young so its so hard to say how they will progress in the future.

A part of me wants to not see my mums partner ever again but another part of me wants to educate him in ASD so there will one day be less idiots like him in this world.

I think Ds1 will do quite well at school as long as school doesn't turn into an unpleasant place for him to be. When he eventually learns appropriate personal bounderies, he will actually enjoy working with people or animals, because he is in his own way very diplomatic for a 7 year old.

he'd be excellent at gardening, dog walking or (cringe) in the Army. As long as things are Loud and Clear he is happy and he l;oves to be outside.

Why are these threads always about ASD? Don't the rest of our children count?

Living-wise - I think he will need t live with me until he is at least mid twenties but hopefully he will be able to live in a flat alone one day as he can be quite conscientious - but he's too young to tell.

So long as you don't let his stupidity and ignorance get to you, educating him by stealth is the most positive way to go. Especially if you like your mum and he's going to be around for a while.
I see my DS as a geologist. At 9 I saw him in maximum security. How things have changed!

'Why are these threads always about ASD? Don't the rest of our children count?'

The OP was about ASD, but stupidity, tactlessness and limiting someone's chances because of a disability are universal problems.
My stomping boots are frequently in use for children I teach who have a learning need.
Raising expectations are something that most sn parents and their offspring are aiming for.

Bit of a daft question really.

this particular thread happens to be about ASD. It's very difficult to get agencies to realise thatjust because someone has an A level in geography, it doesn't mean they can spend their money on food instead of model trains and remember to have a shower before their skin ulcerates.

If you would like to start another thread, nobody's stopping you. Go for it. I think it would be a good idea, actually. You sound like you've had a rough week.

'If you would like to start another thread, nobody's stopping you. Go for it. I think it would be a good idea, actually. You sound like you've had a rough week.'

yes, a much more helpful and thoughtful answer than mine.

Sorry Lou-one of the reasons why i only put ASD was because i didn't want to upset people who have life threatening conditions. Also i think ASD can be miss-understood as a condition that can not improve, my mums partner seems to think that one you get a dx of ASD then thats how the child will be forever (that dd2 will never improve).I know you cant cure ASD but the child can overcome some traits and improve over time. Sorry to offend you Lou, i know there are lots of other conditions but the comments that were made to me by this idiot were directed at ASD.

I'm sorry. I am having a rough week. I just feel like I don't fit anywhere. Everything is so ASD focussed here it may as well be "ASD: Children", not "Special Needs: Children". Whenever I start a thread, I get like 2 or 3 replies. ASD threads get huge numbers.

How hard is it to include everybody? Life is hard enough with a child with SNs, without the SNs boards being exclusive also. 2Shoes has said it a few times, too, but everyone says she is being oversensitive, too.

Lou - Sending you hug's, you do fit in and your advice on the SN boards has always been a great help to me, i'm sorry you have had a sh*t week, i know the feeling well (the past week has been the hardest for me). There are a lot of ASD threads on the SN boards but i guess that because ASD is becoming more well known (due to press etc) and more children seem to be getting early dx. I think all parents on the SN board go through the same stresses of having a SN child and we all need to support each other whatever sn's our children have. I'm always here to chat weather its ASD related or not.

I thin ASD gets talked about a lot because some of us look at our children and they look like 'catalogue' children but instead of having nice little neat boiled egg brains, it's a mushroom omelette in there - does that make any sense? Some of us had to fight for 7 years to get anyone to acknowledge that we aren't causing it ourselves by being Bad Mothers so when you get the nod that It Is Real you want to talk about it until people's ears bleed.

But You are welcome, it IS the special needs boards, not AIBU, and input and support is needed and given regardless. More so for the mothers whose kids have anything BUT ASD as there seems to be a disproportionate amount of us here and it must feel a bit lonely when nobody is going through anything similar.

My DS has ASD, but I must say I agree with lou sometimes. I think everything to do with statementing, and bureaucracy, and coping with schools, affects all of us though. Or legislation, DLA, things like that. Or being depressed, or elated. But it is true that there tends to be a lot about ASD - I think it's simply because there has literally been a boom in diagnoses (apologies to those who are fighting to get one, I'm just going by the statistics). So there are a lot of us now (including myself) whose children even 15 years ago would simply have been labelled 'difficult', etc., and now are recognized (classified?) as having a disability.
For what is worth, I learn a lot from everybody here, definitely not just mums of other kids with ASD.
As for what happens in 20 years' time, hopefully there will be more awareness and sensitivity, every child who has a need will have it recognized and met, and rivers of milk and honey will flow. DS will be a bus driver, and, in true Italian fashion, still living with his mamma...

ASD is dominant, probably because there are so many of you!!

I don't know whether DS is ASD or not - he has SLD though and I find especially helpful stuff on here from parents with SLD kids, whether they are ASD or not. We may qualify for Social Services help and our children's disabilities may be screamingly obvious, but the suggestion that this makes us less likely to need or seek help - for instance from a board like this - just cracks me up!!

But colditz, that's just it. My DD's brain is just as much of an omelette as your kids, just that hers is less well formed. I suppose the difference is that you can't quite tell what type of omelette it is. My DD's brain is just 'all a bit squiffy', so the doctor's don't know what to say, barely anyone knows what it means. Yet, I still get the behaviours, routine issues, sensory issues etc., that you all get. Possibly not as likely to get that A-level geography, though.

Marne, thank you.

I really am sorry. I have been crying most of the morning. DD1 has been a real handful. Three children under 5. DD2 in terrible 2's. DD3 just walking and getting hurt by DD1's antics.

Also DD1'S got a sleep deprived EEG tomorrow. She's been up since 5.30, won't be put to bed until 9pm and then I have to get her up at 02.30.

www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/may/30/louise-stern-deaf-chattering-interview

As usual not sure about the headline, but I thought this had some interesting ideas about disability being dependent on your environment, and other people's perception of disability, particularly where communication problems are involved.

Lou, if you can't let off steam on the SN board for whatever reason, what is the point of having an SN board?