all cried out, need opinions please

[saintmom]

having a really tuff time at the moment with my brother and parents.

have 2ds both autistic i posted this in relationships but would like as many opinions from other SN parents as well

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/973058-stoping-my-db-from-seeing-dc-and-bad-relations-with

thanks

Your DB sounds very mixed up and confused. He clearly wants to be involved with your DCs and clearly loves them but sounds fearful of their Autism. People who are afraid and in denial are often aggressive and angry. Maybe your DB is like this? Maybe he fears he will have children on the AS as there are genetic factors and if your children are 'badly parented' then they dont have Autism. Your parents are obviously caught in the middle and trying to pacify everyone, but favouring your DB as they have done all his life.

Posting on the relationships site has the disadvantage of people not clearly understanding the stress of having SN children. It is often difficult to sustain 'normal' friendships as children with ASD can be challenging and you can end up isolated. The support of family cannot be underestimated and your parents give 'respite' care once a month - worth its weight in gold. Sometimes family are the only people who understand (though not your DB)!

I dont think you are being over reactive but do think your fierce protectiveness of your children (normal of course) is making you react with emotion and not thinking things through. Can you afford to lose your parent's support by forcing them to choose between you?

DB has also had a very stressful time with losing his job, and is adrift and anxious at the moment, again not helping the situation.

I think you should try for a meeting on neutral ground, maybe write a careful letter to him and your parents setting out your feelings. Also some info. on autism for your brother. If his gf is nice and understanding invite her too. Try to look beyond your grievence at DBs favoured upbringing, its over now and the most important thing is you and your DCs getting the most support and love you can from your family.