DS' 2 year check with HV - big elephant in the room...

[DameGladys]

...was obviously ASD.

His 2nd birthday was 2 weeks ago. He's not talking though makes lots of sounds. He has a reasonably long list of nouns but not using them consistently or even particularly meaningfully. They're mispronounced or idiosyncratic and not terribly consistent.

The main worry, I think, is his understanding. She asked if he could be asked to, for eg, go and pick up a toy and bring it to me. I nearly laughed as he's so far from being able to do that. He doesn't really respond to his name . What I find odd is that he doesn't ask for anything - no 'I'm hungry/thirsty' or equivalent.

There's loads more of course though also lots of things that are less consistent with ASD. I expected most of it but the one thing that got me was her concern about his walking on tiptoe (he's always done this). I had somehow missed that this can be associated with ASD. However, he doesn't show any other indications of hypersensitivity - very touchy feely and huggy and loves physical stuff. More verging on hypotactility if there is such a thing.

Ok, now I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I have no idea what I want anyone to say. I just feel a bit all over the place and want to speak to others who have been in similar positions.

He's been referred for speech and language and to see someone (again) about the tiptoe walking. But I guess I just feel like I should be doing something in the meantime. How can I help him? I don't feel like I'm up to it tbh - especially when reading old threads on here where you all have be so clued-up and assertive. Help.

"DH has been taking photos of DS'stuff and general things and printing them out on cards. DH was obviously desperate to DO something so I let him get on with it, not thinking DS would be very interested/motivated. But I was amazed how excited he gets about these cards and how he suddenly started saying words he's never said before when we look at them. So that was nice."

that's extremely exciting, both because your DH is already finding a way to get stuck in, and because it has the potential to open up all sorts of avenues of communication and progress (is your DH a visual person himself? that would be fabulous). Get DH to do photos of nursery and other common destinations as soon as possible. Show DS the photo (or let him carry it) as you leave the house - soon he's going to know where he's going even if he does something outside his routine. Take a look at the "More than Words" section on this as soon as possible. I would push this visual thing as hard as you possibly can - sorry to recommend splashing yet more cash but Linda Hodgson's book "Visual Strategies for Improving Communication" is quite superb - the introductory chapter on how and why we are all visual learners is quite inspirational and will help your DH see the theory behind what he's doing and get really creative.

"She asked if he could be asked to, for eg, go and pick up a toy and bring it to me. I nearly laughed as he's so far from being able to do that."
Can you see how you can split this task up now using DH's photos? Start with "where's [favourite train]?" showing him photo of it, then go together and find it and say "there it is!" Start with it in the same room, build up to it being somewhere else. As I recall, that's a task at about the 18 month level of receptive language, so it's a good place to start. have a search of my old threads on the "it takes two to talk" radio programmes for some more ideas of appropriate receptive language targets

The 2-year check with the HV is where it all started with my DS (now 4.1), and he is also hypotactile (if that's a word) and was very responsive to visual support, so this brings it all back...
Just to reiterate what the other mums have said, from the crying to the fact that it's incredible how much both DS and us as parents have come along since then

Ooh thanks lingle - do feel free to go on if you like! I will def use the cards and go and find things with him - great idea.

My DH is visual beyond visual. If I show him something written down he generally pretends to read it. If I question him too closely he has to admit he hasn't and we joke about how things must be written in Japanese.

He's an artist but is also in an executive post that requires a lot of written work. He's just put strategies in place over the years so that he can deal with it exceptionally well. If he can he gets me to proof-read stuff though.

He's a very unusual person and was similar to DS as a child in lots of ways. I don't think he is on the spectrum at all however. I veer from thinking that DS is simply exactly like his father to thinking that it will be ASD. Then I remind myself to stop thinking about labels and just focus on helping him to communicate a bit more right now.

I spoke to HV and she was great and will refer to portage and for a hearing test.

all very good. DH should like the Hodgson book.

I think it is extremely positive when fathers feel their sons are "just like me". So long as DH also realises that his son might be a more extreme version of himself - so extreme that he needs more help than the father had - then I think this similarity is a huge boost. It's a fundamental part of the father/son thing....(I think we women tend to forget this but we can always read Obama's book if we need reminding).

I'm coming into my third year of this game and more and more think it's all about you as the expert "coach" identifying your team - DH, siblings,nursery teachers, therapists - and figuring out what you have to do to get that team working really well with DS. If DS is a chip off the old block, that can only increase the chances of DH getting really committed and active.

as for the labels, they can be useful, they can even transform lives, but some things stay the same, some things change. Definitions of ASD have changed regularly and will continue to change every decade or so until it inevitably splinters under the weight of a greater understanding than we have now. But vulnerable children will always need the same things.

Sorry sc13, I didn't mean to just thank lingle and not you. I just got excited about the going to find things idea.

I'm so appreciative of everyone who has taken the time to give such good advice.

If your credit card is still standing, I highly recommend the DVD "Teach me to Listen and Obey" available via the teachmetotalk.com site.

You will be astonished at the low proportion of speech and language therapy resources that are aimed at teaching understanding, as opposed to teaching talking. So this DVD is invaluable (I hope you enjoy Southern USA accents and background music).

I'm off to find some links for you.

damegladys -this thread has some useful info. about what kind of language understanding you should be focussing on over the next few months. You'll see that the speech therapist who produces the DVD I mention above joined in the thread....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/750157-Radio-programmes-on-receptive-language-delay-www-teachmeto talk-com

there's more where that came from....

here's another one - again, to show you what kind of language concepts you should be aiming for at these early stages

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/752062-another-receptive-language-programme-on-the-radio-with-the -annoying-bits-taken-out

I'm not sure if these links will work but do an advanced search for the key words and my name otherwise.

and it's never too soon to share my favourite visual learner thread of all time

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/895654-the-famous-Moondog-quot-calendar-quot-post-re-teaching-tim e

using the visual techniques set out here, DS2 got a better understanding of time than his peers by about 3.6. I hope your DH will like this.....

really must stop now or will overwhelm.

I never learnt how to help DS2 really learn his own name - didn't really happen till 3.6 (!).

You are nice DameGladys . I have a lot of bookmarks to past threads that lingle and another poster called moondog have: lots and lots of good advice.
One thing we have done (but for ourselves really, not for DS) is start a sort of diary of DS's 'achievements', as an antidote to all the long lists of things he can't do and milestones he hasn't met. So we have the first time he answered the question 'what's your name?', the first time he says 'I want x' instead of 'DS wants x', and, more recently, 'I like x; I don't want y'. It cheers me up to read it whenever I feel low about his difficulties, because I can see that he is coming along