please please please help me sort this out...AS and secondary school dilemma- wwyd???

[belcantwait]

hi

ds1 has AS, he is 11 and due to start sec school in sept. he started off school at ms primary but in yr 3 we decided to move him to v small private school- 10 in a class and with a senior (secondary) unit too so he would never have to move. he was so miserable at his state school but never statmented as academically very gifted. struggled badly with the social aspect of things. we moved him and i think things have greatly improved tho still struggling and only one friend who i suspect may also be on spectrum.

anyway 3 yrs on and we are completely skint and madly in debt. we cant really afford to keep him there. so i looked at local state secondary. i have friends whose kids go there, nice kids who are all getting on well. school is very new with amazing facilities and lunchtime and after school clubs (facilities at private one basic to say the least and no extra provision).

so ds1 isnt really that keen when we tell him this might have to happen, the usual tears etc etc. he is worried he will have to leave his friends etc etc

so we then manage to build it up to him saying how great it will be and all the stuff he will be able to do yet still having doubts really but not thinking of any other way.

fast forward to 2 weeks ago when head of his current school takes me aside one day and offers a very generous bursary for him to stay.

i had the paperwork sent through this week and have to let them know formally tomorrow. dh and i had agreed that although facilities etc not great and not brilliant choice of subjects that it would be best for his emotional wellbeing for him to stay.

ds1 now, typically, has completely and utterly freaked out, he dfoesnt ant to stay, he suddenly hates everyone at his school, only has one friend, everyone hates him, the teachers are crap etc etc. he went into complete meltdown tonight which actually hasnt happened in along time. he says its his life and he should be able to choose.
i just want to do the right thing and i dont know what that is now. i dont know how much to believe of what he tells me as he is a master of the fabrication and turning things round.

typically dh is bloody out and i just need to sort this out in my head.
wwyd in my position?

quick bump before bed x

hello, also have As child! i read your post and actually laughed for the first time this week. its good to know im not the only one with these problems and i new what you were going to write before i read it.we just want our kids happy and you are doing a great job .you just want whats best for your child and tried to prpare him for the change you thought may be comming and then things changed again!my ds is in amin stream and im trying to get him into a specialist school with his new statment, do you have a statment for your child if you dont i would strongly not send him to ms unless you ahve one.( sorry about spelling am dyslexic!)

hi kitty
thanks for replying. well the decision has been made and the letter is now in. he's not happy but he seems to be getting over the shock of staying where he is lol! he isnt statemented no. i think they would laugh at me if i said he needed statementing . typically he causes school no bloody bother its just us he is a sod for

if the school are meeting his needs and you can afford it them keep him there he will soon get over it im sure along with a few paddys!if things change please do not send him to mainstram without a staemnet in place . school hols now! my ds home for a week with siblings who wind him up great time ahead! why is it schools say no problem here! what do they feed them to make them so perfect at school beacause i would definatedly buy some!