DS's psychologist has advised Home-Ed

[MrsFlittersnoop]

We are rather shell-shocked. DS (13) was diagnosed with Asperger's 4 months ago. He has been seeing a very experienced psychologist and family therapist for CBT once a month to help manage his anxiety at school, and yesterday, she strongly advised us to take DS out of school and home educate for a while. She actually said she believes the only way he will get through the next 2 years at school is by taking anti-depressants.

She knows we have seriously considered HE in the past and are able to do this - DH works from home and I am currently SAHM but starting degree at local Uni in September.

DS was recently predicted all A/B grades at GCSE. The school he attends has an excellent reputation and was responsible for identifying DS's ASD when he joined last year. They have been very supportive and have dealt swiftly with bullying. But they can't prevent DS being called retard and freak, being told everyone in school hates him and that he has no friends. It just keeps happening with different kids. DS told us that he can cope with having things thrown at him in class and being shunned by his fellow pupils, but it's the verbal cruelty that breaks his heart.

I'm sick of lying to DS and telling him things will get better at school. I no longer believe they will. And DS's therapist, quite unprompted, spelt this out to me yesterday after his session with her.

But DS wants to give year 10 a try because he will be in upper sets for his GCSEs and hopefully away from the more disruptive and unpleasant kids. We've agreed to let him decide, but are drawing up a concrete plan for HE if things don't work out. I really don't know what to do for the best.

What do you feel would be the best thing for him?

My dd's only 6 so not as grown up as your DS, but i think if i was in your situation i would let him make the choice (although dd1 is only 6 i wouldn't force her to go to school, luckily she always wants to go even if things are tough).

My friends brother struggled through high school on anti depressants, at times he was suicidal but now he's out the other end (now 26 years old) he's a stronger person.

The great thing about HE is that you don't have to apply to yourself for a place by a certain deadline.

It sounds as though you are doing the best thing by giving him both options. If he starts next year and it doesn't live up to his expectations, he doesn't have to carry on.

My DD was on prozac and it worked amazingly well for her. Have you googled prozac and autism as there is a lot on the web about it and how well it can work. It's not just for what we see as depression but helps with some of the problems that Autism brings with it. My dd wouldn't have coped with school without being ion it but once she was on it she was able to change her behviour and now she is off it and functioning really well and very happy at school. She went on after talking to the psychiatrist at CAMHS about the possible benefits and deciding to give it a go.

Also changing to the top group will make a massive difference I am sure. Have you looked at another school or college who specialize in aspergers, it may be a better choice than HE as a starting point. We have a few schools by us which do deal especially well with very clever Aspergers children. It's could be just a matter of finding the right school to move him too it year 10 doesn't work. But I would give year 10 a try we have always thought we would home ed but have been shocked at how well she has coped.

Good luck take it slowly before you make a commitment to HE.

I HE my 11 year old with AS (since Oct 08) and it was by far the right thing to do. He's thriving in a way he never could have at school. BUT he went through two very poor schools and had no support whatsoever in five years. We had to remove him to HE because the neglect was so bad and he was suffering as a result.

Being HE means we have total consistency and that's what he needs. School stress was so severe that it was affecting every other area of his life - he couldn't be involved in extra curricular activities or socialise because he was in such a state at the end of each day. It was a very damaging situation that couldn't continue.

There's no doubt HE has been the right solution for my son but it doesn't suit everyone. It's worth seeing if you can resolve the problems either at this school or perhaps by finding another one more suitable and supportive.

Maybe between you you could come up with an agreement that if Y10 isn't working by X date then you can bring him out of school. It's definitely worth having a firm plan to fall back on rather than fumbling about when things go wrong again.

Having read this, I'm wondering if a combination of home ed and part time school maybe the answer.
It would relieve some of the constant day to day pressure, but it would allow your ds to give year ten a go in a school environment.

Ime dc's who are put into the top set do have less time with the more challenging children. At school he would have the use of science labs and equipment etc and would not totally be cut off from having to deal with RL.
And the home ed might balance the pressure of school.

I'm just wondering if it might be a good comprimised.

My thought when I read it was parttime flexible schooling. My other thought was use the psych evidence to ask for home tuition. I know one child who had to come out of school on psych advice and got tutored at home for a year. So perhaps give impression you expect LA to pay for it before taking it on yourself.

No personal experience of your situation, although my ds was badly bullied at school too. The problem was that he was lower ability and disabled so was lumped with lower ability set which was full of serious troublemakers, where he was a very easy target.
Yours will be in higher set, which is a good thing. At that level and age they become serious about achievements/exams so less likely to be bullied if he does well.
I am sure school would cooperate if you only concentrate on his top GCSE subject?
And of course, there are different schools around, even if (worst case scenario) he was to miss a part of the year he could still recover if you found a better school and let him continue for an extra year elswhere.
Personally I would find it hard to do GCSE level stuff with my ds isolated at home.

upper sets are much kinder places to be, and much more tolerant of "geeklike" behavior.

I spent a couple of years in lower set maths and it honest-to-God scarred me. That's scarred, not scared (although of course it did that too).

Top Science sets are full of geeky kids, top maths sets are full of geeky kids, and top English sets are full of kind hearted bookish girls (like me!)

let him try. If he hates it, he now knows you are prepared to whip him out.

I'd certainly pull him out for the rest of this year though, and would consider a different school where he can start straight into the 'top sets' with no history.

Also, instead of heavy-duty antidepressants, you can try gentler herbal stuff or homeopathy. I recently put a few drops of rescue remedy into my water bottle for the exam day.

This might be of interest here also look at Josh Muggleton website he has ASD and used this online school when could not cope with mainstream schooling.

Not cheap but as I say perhaps LA would have to pay if it came to this?