Counselling for parents

[hairyclaireyfairy]

I was wondering if anyone has been in the position where they have recieved specific counselling as a parent of a disabled child?
My GP has looked into this for me but has not been able to identify anyone suitable. I have had counselling in the past but really do feel that it needs to be from someone who 'gets' raising a child with a severe learning disabiltiy (I made my last counsellor cry with some of the things I discussed.
I suffer very badly with depression and really feel that this is something I need to to.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions.
With Thanks

Not in such a hard place as yourself, but when I did receive counselling at work earlier this year it was mainly about dcs' disability.

The first counsellor looked as if she might cry: I immediately asked to swap to somebody more robust; if anybody is going to do the crying, it will be me, not the person who is paid to prop me up. Second counsellor was far better. Not specifically trained to deal with the situation- suspect she does far more work with students worrying about exams.

Also check the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists' website - if you put in your local area a number of names should pop up - they may not specific to working in the disability field but they are all properly qualified and follow guidelines and ethics, etc.

My counsellor is Humanstic Integrative and, although, not specific to disability - a large number of my sessions with her have been spent discussing ds2 (asd/adhd) and the family dynamic - she is fantastic. Best money ever spent tbh x

Good luck x

That was very unprofessional of your counsellor, hairyclaireyfairy! You'd think that anyone going into that field would be fairly robust.

Our Carer's Association offers 'listening sessions', which is a bit lighter than counselling and they can refer you to counselling as well.

My SW has referred me to Family Therapy, which may be useful but I haven't started it yet. I feel a bit wary of discussing such issues with someone linked to SS though.

We've ahd some from CAMHs (oh how I wish i were young enough to be their target amrket)- the idea being that help given to us directly pays baclk for ds3

It's been OK, but to get help for ds1'seating we have cash it in against that. hs ben very worth it though

a poster on here had specific counselling like that, via an organisation called GrowingMinds, but I think it was part of a package of therapy for the child as well, so I imagine quite expensive.

Hi, our child development centre offers family psychotherapy which can sometimes be individual therapy, depending on what's needed.

A well qualified and experienced therapist will be focusing on the emotional content of what you say, rather than your particular circumstances, so I would suggest that rather than searching for a specialist therapist, you look for someone experienced, with the qualification 'UKCP' after their name. It's hard to find this sort of help for free but if you live in London I can recommend a service that is very low cost--it's called the Blues Project
best of luck

Most of the above is right. Finding counsellors with experience in severe learning disabilities is rare. I might help to contact your local psychology dept, sometimes referred to as Psychological Services for People with learning difficulties. They are NHS and normally require a GP referral but if you are able to find out where they are based, they would probably be happy to tell you their team composition. Remember it's Learning Disabilities Psychology you are interested in. I have worked in the field for many years as well as having a son with Aspergers although I largely treated him myself. Best wishes

Thank you everyone for the great advice, very much appreciated just need to get out of the black hole to arrange it.
bobbyla if you happen to see this again would my son's Psychiatrist or Psychologist be able to advice me? Don't usually discuss myself with them as a rule but might make an exception if they could help.
Thanks again everyone

Hi.. I've had lots of therapy in the past and since dd2 came along have accessed counselling 4 times.. Once through work and the counsellor was rubbish and so I switched to a better one after a couple of sessions.. Then later got lucky with my GP's in house counsellor who was exceptionally skilled and who I then managed to see again organised by a local charity supporting parents with kids with SN. Then a new GP counsellor who was also very good.

I think you were unlucky to get someone who wasn't able to bear your distress..That's very unfortunate as it would just leave you with the feeling that what your going through IS really unbearable..

You're right - someone who 'gets it' is essential. I felt I needed to have someone help me access that deep gut wrenching grief/sadness/anger that was hard to be alone with - yet impossible to share with anyone close to me.. That helped me enormously.. Also having someone who was brave enough to challenge me with some of my 'stuff' despite all I was going through was really important to me and very useful in my relationships.

I think most carer support charities would help you access a counsellor if not have a counselling service themselves. We also had family therapy which our health visitor referred us to which was pretty good. I work in mental health and would say that your sons' psychologist would probably have some ideas about local provision within the NHS, but when you're referred I would insist you have access to a qualified counsellor or clinical psychologist, not someone who has done a short course in CBT. I agree with bobbyla that the Psychological service attached to a Learning Disability Team could be useful. Locally there is a counsellor for clients and families as part of that team.

I hope you manage to get a brighter day/hour/10 mins when making some calls to get things started seems possible. There may be a wait for services too so be aware of that unless you're seeking something privately. If that's the case then the BACP website is worth a look and see what people say about their specialist areas of work, and go for someone accredited with either the BACP or UKCP. None of the counsellors I saw had any specific SN or learning disability specialisms but it turned out they were all parents.. Hope that helps - Good luck in your search. Take care of yourself.

There is an organisation called the Childrens Trust Partnership who have started to run courses in our area. I do not have a number for them but in our area they set up courses (small groups of sn parents) paid for by various local providers ( carers groups etc).
I attended a course and it has helped a lot. I was worried about the joint element but actually it did work -we laughed and cried together and it is helpful to have shared experiences. Now we are a little supportive group now.
Hope you find something that suits you.

They should be able to signpost you in the right direction. Give it a go and let me know how you get on.

No but I did see a counsellor who said that she didn't feel I ahd unresolved issues but was just "bloody knackered"!
I hope you find someone to help.

Hi I really want to set up a helpline for mums like us my son is under Great Ormond Street. So we will all ahve a place to phone when we are desperate if you would like this so we can talk rather than write please mail me [email protected]

Im sure i stumbled across something the other day called face2face. They have support groups run by parents of disabled children for parents. Not set up in all areas of the country though but anyone can have telephone counselling!?

I had a general counsellor through my emplyer and was a wate of time. walked out midway through session 3

By'eck i couldve done with something who 'got it' back at the time of dx. I also work with disabled children (and always have done since school) and im trying to get my employer to pay for me to get trained up as I working with parents at the point of diagnosis I think offering counselling at that point would be so beneficial

Your GP should have easy access to primary care counseling but as we have discussed they often have little experience of parents with ld or AS kids. Psychiatry and/or psychology should have more access but it sometimes depends on your postcode unfortunately. Talking of help for yourself a GP referral to Psychology may be of use for carer support and or family work. Psychiatrists in general advice on medication (which can help if you are really down) and tend to refer people on to other disciplines like psychology anywayback to work quicker. At the risk of getting shot down in flames because as you know I am in the "business" but am a parent; there is a government initiative known as IAPT (improving access to psychological therapies) and at my age and level of cynicism believe the initiative to be driven more by a wish to reduce the benefit bill than more altruistic motives I have actually seen some of the self help materials and I have to say I was impressed. It might be worth asking your GP to get onto that track as a holding mechanism because you're bound to end up on a waiting list. I am using a similar approach in my LD and AS practice and am developing my own materials. Give it a go!

How do you get valium Riven. I'm taking 6 times the one-a-day SJW dose and it doesn't seem to be working!