Argh trying to write a letter to Head

[yanny]

but I either sound too polite or too pissed off and need to hand it in tomorrow. They've all been rubbish.

Dd(10) is currently under assessment for various things, recently Sensory OT went into school to speak to teacher about dd. Being assessed in school by SLT. Overall dd does well at school, and manages to keep a lid on things while there but she is a very anxious soul. So school are a bit about her being assessed, teacher said to me at parents evening "she seems perfectly normal to me" This was after Sensory OT went in to speak to her.

Anyway without going into too much detail during assembly last week Head spoke about a shooting at a Primary School that happened years ago. Cue dd legging it from school after the bell feeling terrified and somehow linked this story to not wearing school uniform . So now after about a year of not being able to wear a tie, she's insistent she must wear one and this is causing big issues in the mornings.

I want to know why this was spoken about and let the Head know the effect. He also told them they could search on google for more info. Anxiety has been sky high since. How can I word it? Made all the more difficult that he is a smarmy git and has an answer for everything.

Phew that was longer than it was meant to be

Thanks, the problem is dd easily gets her wires crossed so I can't be too sure of the facts. She feels there was a chat about pupils not wearing full school uniform (hardly any do tbh) and then there was a discussion about this shooting.

I have various issues with school and this has just been the final straw.

I'm pissed off that we have spent the weekend with a very emotional dd. I'm also pissed off that school are dismissive of dds needs. I'm more pissed off that I've let it piss me off so much I can't get my thoughts onto paper and I don't know exactly what I want to say. Is is really out of order for such a thing to be discussed in assembly? Or am I being oversensitive? I rarely know these days

School just don't understand the magnitude of what happens at home and without seeing it first hand it is difficult for people to have an idea. Teacher had to fill in DuPaul scale (paed wants to test and rule out as we go) and then commented that dd definitely doesn't display any signs of this. I agree but agreed with what Paed wanted to do.

It's made more difficult that the depute head left school last summer and she totally got dd, we have now been left without an understanding person at school and I feel like I'm floundering a bit.

I really feel for you because if you're anything like me your real issue here is that school do not understand your daughter's needs and so, when you come to raise something perfectly logically and reasonable like this, there is so much weight and frustration attached to it that it is really hard to get the tone right.

I have been there!!

I think it is always a good idea to write in a way that you would be happy for someone else to read your letter in public. I'm a lawyer, and when I was training, my principal told me never to write a letter I wouldn't be happy for a judge to read out in court!

I know it's a bit over the top as a logic to apply to your situation but if you try and keep the tone cool and calm and factual, it is much less easy to be dismissed. It doesn't mean they won't dismiss you, but they are at fault if they do.

For it is perfectly reasonable for ANY parent to make the point to the head that mentioning such things scares children, even those without the added problem of anxiety and sensitivity. This sort of thing would have horrified me at that age and I wonder what made him do it?? Was there a point to raising it?

I think if you want to write a letter about this issue alone, you can quite properly stick to the point of it, i.e. you wonder whether he feels in hindsight that raising such an issue in a general assembly wiothout warning (or purpose???) or a chance for the children to talk about it afterwards was appropriate as it caused a great deal of anxiety for your daughter and almost certainly will have done for others.

What is he doing frightening children???? These issues have to be handled carefully.

Thanks Debs your opening sentence sums up how I feel completely. And I just don't know how to get my point across, or know how to effectively question why it was relevant or explain how it affected dd.

Up until recently the same also applied to dd's paed, however we have turned the corner there and she couldn't be any more supportive after apologising for not being able to 'see' just how we were struggling.

I'm sure his point wasn't 'here's a story about children who don't wear full uniform who got shot one day' all i know is he definitely spoke of it and dd has linked the 2 together. Scaring children much?!

The same man has quoted latin to me and I have overheard office staff talking about how scary he is. He was also pretty much slated in a recent inspection report. I find him impossible to deal with

On a brighter note dd has had a friend round to play for hours today and it hasn't ended in tears

Thanks!

In that case, yanny, I think you will be doing everyone a favour if you write and explain factually the ways in which he has upset your daughter with his stupid story. He sounds like a pain in the arse - so be polite but straight and say there was mention made of some children who were shot locally, you couldn't make out the context in which the remarks were made, but it has made your daughter anxious and comments like that are likely to make children anxious.

Do keep posting as there are a few of us here who've had the 'I can't see any problem' type attitude to deal with from teachers. I feel (touch wood) we have kind of turned the corner with that with my son's school but it is more upsetting than dealing with your child's issues so I sympathise.

Thanks Debs, I usually lurk and learn/nose. It's not often I post, usually in the midst of some crisis

That's good news about your son's school. Fingers crossed we get there soon too. We've waited over a year on appt with CAMHS, I really feel a diagnosis will be the key to a bit of understanding at school. I hope anyway

We're just doing the dx thing now but the turnign point for us was probably going to the head after the community paed and OT had come in and said DS found EVERYTHING more difficult than the average child. It then turned into a bit of a self-justifcatory exercise in 'of course, we understand that and look at how much we're doing for him'....mmm...liars! Things have changed though.

So the Headteacher called.

He used the shooting as an example of how important school uniform is. In the sense that would be the way they could differentiate between pupils and an intruder in school.

Matter of fact as per,said he couldn't understand why it would make dd frightened. Also said he saw her in the corridor after and she seemed fine.

Finished up saying he was glad he got me on the phone, that it had saved him writing a letter.

And to top it off I found out that salt has went off sick. Assessment started in Jan and yesterday was meant to be the last visit to school. We are waiting on her report before a multi meeting at school can be arranged. Was in the pipeline for next month but now I don't know what will happen.

He uses school shootings as an example of how useful uniforms are - because they would enable him to distinguish between a 10yo pupil and an armed intruder. Gosh, this chap is seriously bright!