Growing up & standing still

5 replies

arlette · 22/05/2010 19:49

This is my first time on Mumsnet. It's all crashed in today. I realised that my DS,16 next December,will be deemed an adult.I am still doing things with him that I did when he was seven years old.The scary thought that crashed in is that I will probably be doing this forever, indefinitely. Most days I take each day at a time. Today I can see a long lonely road ahead that will just get more and more hard as I get older.
Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

imahappycamper · 22/05/2010 20:05

My DS will be 16 in December too. He is probably a bit more independent than your DS but it has suddenly hit me that next year he has to leave the cosy world of school and I am panicking about what comes next. So in a way, yes I understand.

Macforme · 22/05/2010 20:20

My son is 13, and yes it's scary.. and I have a few more years before he leaves school (special school) but the the reality that he will probably live at home with us forever is pretty sobering, much as I love him.

Somehow being parent to an adult with special needs seems somehow grimmer than when he was little....

Original poster

arlette · 22/05/2010 20:47

He is somewhat independent,but hidden behind the scenes is all the work and prep that has to be done so he can do things himself (and all the eruptions of frustration when he can't). I feel I'm being disloyal to him because he's a darling and tries so hard.It's very comforting to read your messages, which say all the things I think,too.
Last week I overheard a staff member in Tesco's barking orders at another staff member who had Downs Syndrome. It fired me up and I asked her,quietly and calmly, whether she would talk to other members of staff like that.She looked at me speechless
I never realised that all these feelings would be churned up by his 16th birthday.Just another number after all.

OP posts:

lou031205 · 22/05/2010 21:46

arlette, hi To be honest, I have flashes of it now, and DD1 is only 4½. I look ahead and can't imagine her being independent.

Original poster

arlette · 22/05/2010 22:00

Yes, when I read that, it has always been in my mind.But 16 seems such a watershed - there are big changes ahead,like leaving school,leaving childrens services and healthcare, all a footprint into the big wide world.He is my eldest too,so all this is new to me, not having done it with any older 'mainstream' siblings
I'm sure talking to other MNers will be such a great thing.I have a DH and good family too thankfully,but it's still good to be on here.

OP posts:

Flip