DS does not like school, am doing some serious thinking over the weekend.

[aSilverLining]

DSA is 5 and had HFA, he has been at preschool and then full days at local MS primary for 2 years now and every school day has told me he doesn't like school, he gets scared and lonely and yet I take him there everyday, what must he think of me.

Another parent has told me he stands at the window in the cloakroom as I walk away sayin "no mummy don't go don't leave me here I'll be scared and lonely come back mummy"

School are supportive and on the ball but he just doesn't like it there. I am going to do some serious thinking about the situation over the weekend. My hope was he would settle into school has just recieved a statement which means he will have funded help from LEA in mornings, as will as his current help funded by school in afternoons when he goes into Y1 in September. Have got it all in place and I am thinking of pulling him out of school!

SS or HE are options but I feel like I need to make a huge decision and I am overwhelmed.

Has anyone been through similar??

It's so tough isn't it?

Dd1 (AS) has had a few problems at school and often gets lonely but when i ask her if she likes going to school she says 'yes'. I think if it got to the point where she didn't want to go i would seriously consider home ed.

Dd2 (ASD/HFA) is due to start school in september, we are trying to get her a place at a SN school (we find out on the 24th this month), if she doesn't get a place then i think i will be keeping her at home as the thought of her being in MS school scares me so much, i don't think she would cope .

Follow your heart, you will not make the wrong decision as you will be doing what you feel is best for your ds.

You could pull him out now and see how he gets on at home for the rest of the term and then decide what you are going to do in September (send him back or continue to home educate). Or you could try and get him a place at a SN school?

DS is much more clear that he doesn't like school, we will have maybe one day a month where he will say he has had a good day, if that.

HE appeals more I think, but that is just a basic gut feeling based on what I know about DS and what I know about schools in general in relation to DS.

To complicate matters I sent back his proposed statement about a fortnight ago naming his current MS school as where I wanted him to continue. If I moved him to a special school would we have to start assessment and statementing process all over again??

Hope you don't mind me asking but is one of your DD's still toilet phobic? (hope I have the right poster!) How is that going? I ask as DS is toilet phobic and we have made zero progress!

I'm not sure about the statement, i have a feeling if the sn school is in the same area as the named MS school it should be ok, we are still in the process of getting dd2's statement and we havn't named a school yet.

It was my older dd1 who was toilet phobic, she is a lot better now but still very shakey when using the toilet, it took a long time to move her from using her plastic toilet seat to using the big toilet, luckily the toilets at school were tiny in her first year (still took a while to get her to use them but she had a great TA who managed to get her on the loo). The toilet seat went last summer when she was in such a hurry one day that she forgot to use it . We still have problems with public loos (but then a lot of people don't like public loos) so we have to take a potty with us. I think the best thing to do is not to worry about it, don't mention it to him and don't force the issue, he will do it when he feels comfortable and safe with the idea.

Dd2 is still in nappies, will happily sit on the loo but wont do anything .

Riven he sounds very similar to DS I feel awful sending him knowing how unhappy he is about school. How did you find it managing his learning at home?

I have worked from home as a childminder so not too uncomfortable with the idea, but wonder how I will 'manage' him IYKWIM, he is very stubborn and just refuses to do certain things and I worry about that aspect but understand HE is child led a lot of the time??

DD couldn't cope with mainstream and is now in a special school. She is doing really well but, being in care until she was 3, I feel that she missed out on a lot of real nurture time. After speaking with the head, we have decided on a 'share care' timetable where DD goes to school in the mornings and comes home for 1-1 with me in the afternoons when DS is not around.

I'm really looking forward to this (we start in sept). School have also said that I can accompany DD on trips with school.

I did look into HE but I don't think I could cope with DD full time without a break.

I also know of a friend who fostered a boy who nobody could deal with at his school because she just wept all day. The school employed my friend as an SSA... she didn't work with her foster son specifically but he was comforted by her presence in his classroom.

Sometimes schools need to think outside the box don't they?

Shockers yours and your friends situation sound like the best outcomes for each individual child. I have not heard of the shared care idea before, I am often tempted to just get DS to do half a day but don't want to do it on an as and when basis and not sure his current school would like the idea.

I do worry slightly about more time with DS if I did HE, but he is much calmer at home, and his Dad has him overnight twice a week so I do get a break.

I think that DD's school was more open to suggestion because it is a special school.

Good luck... I know how desperate this can make one feel.

Had emailed ex to let him know we both need to be thinking about the school situation, outlining how unhappy DS is and that it is heartbreaking sending him everyday. I suggested we both do some thinking over the weekend and then have a chat about it. His response, yes we will chat about it but I do not want him going to a special school. Grrr..

He said nice supportive things about me too and offered to help whenever he can (but this is more a tool to get into my house/space/life so I usually refuse) and sent a couple of pics of DS he knew would make me smile,

but why does he have to be so bloody stubborn. Since I realised DS was different I have pushed for DX, help, found info, read up, etc - ex has just left me to it really and shows disinterest, not even reading edpsyxh reports I take round or the DLA form that took me MONTHS to fill in, etc etc.

I wish I hadn't mentioned it to him now and just told him what I had decided.

My ex, for example, is a twat.