ADHD (and autism). Anyone had difficulty explaining to people that ADHD isn't bad parenting?

[Muffinmaker]

Hi, has anyone had trouble explaining that ADHD is real. It seems to me that a lot of people are very ignorant about it and say it's just "naughty behaviour". It gets me down a bit because I have two boys and one is "normal" and no trouble (apart from his bowel disorder, which is very complicated) and the other son is autistic (high functioning) with LDs. A woman got really nasty because I said that she had a daughter and that it wasn't the same i.e. having two children with special needs is harder duh! - her daughter is very bright and no trouble. Very frustrating.

All the time with AS when my son was younger. And I'm an experienced primary teacher.
I used to get mutters of 'She lets him do whatever he likes' from other parents.

Stuff 'em! You are right, it is frustrating.

DD1 has a GDD/MLD tag at the moment, although I would imagine an ADHD tag might be added later. I often get looks of "control your child". They don't realise that what they are seeing is my DD controlled - they don't want to see her when she isn't

'They don't realise that what they are seeing is my DD controlled - they don't want to see her when she isn't'

I must be pretty scary, because I often get "the look" when we're out with the boys, but I've never had anything said to me!

On a related note, my mum was talking to a work colleague about her grandchildren, last year and got on to the topic of DS2 being non-verbal. The woman was incredulous and said that she's just not give him anything unless he asked for it. :/

I tried to explain to my mum that dd2 has borderline ADHD and she replies with so it's attention seeking,she knows ds has autism along with other problems and doesn't question that.

I tried to explain about the "no sense of danger" thing. My son had climbed up some scaffolding outside our neighbour's house nearly to the top (he's 6) and it is very high up. Apparently that's just being naughty. I think, on reflection, best to avoid those arguments because there are a lot of dumb people out there and whatever you say they won't "get it". And she said that I was being insulting to her because I said that her daughter wasn't any trouble - she isn't. She came into our college one day and sat there the whole day and hardly said a word. You could do that with my sons, they'd be all over the place (even the "normal" one). I blame Peter Hitchins in the Daily Mail.