how important is apologising for your child's hideous behaviour in public?

[Jimjams]

been musing on this one.

Earlier today decided to take ds1 to the newsagents for a paper. Now this is a big trip for us- last time we did it I was about 8 weeks pregnant with ds3- and he ran off - I just caught him before the road and had to dump ds2 and my money. That incident prompted me to buy the harness - which he was wearing today (like a waist belt with a strap- seatbelt material)

Anyway he did pretty well- we picked up 2 papers and a bag of buttons- then got to the till. Two old (and slow) people in front- ds1 waited quite nicely then started straining at the belt to run off. I reined him in and then he suddenly shoved one of the old ladies twice in the stomach. I grabbed his hands, but was so busy holding him and talking to him to stop him doing it again I didn't apologise to her.

And now I feel guilty- poor woman was only doing her shopping!

I think it was more important that you dealt with your DS rather than worry about the lady. Its not as if you just ignored what happened and let him carry on.

When I was out today at a funday, DS ran across the path of a lady to some play equipment. I was just about to appologise but she moaned and made such a horrible face at DS. She hadn't realised he was with me so I decided not to appologise on DS's behalf . He is 3 and she is a grown woman

I do it instantly almost second nature BUT i feel im OTT with it.
I think that because you had him in hand and was visibly and actively putting a stop to the behaviour, i wouldnt worry too much about it.
Its those who do and say nothing that should (but dont) feel guilty.

priorities seem right to me Jimjams

Agree with Twiglett. You can only deal with one thing at time, and obviously stopping him from shoving the lady again was more important than apologising.

Jimjams, what else could you do? Apologise profusely while he continued to shove her? Of course you did the right thing. Stopping him had to be the priority and I'm sure the lady could see that.

Stopping ds1 and calming him down was definitely the priority here. It would've been pointless if you'd had to keep saying sorry because he was still pushing.

Kid - I had a similar experience to yours only yesterday. Ds1 and ds2 ran off ahead to the supermarket cafe. A woman and her friend had blocked the route as they were standing side-by-side with their trolleys in a narrow aisle. Ds1 and ds2 squeezed around one of the trolleys and she gave them both such a filthy stare. They're only 2 and 5 FFS!

did you appologise to them coppertop?

I did but wished I hadn't bothered. The stuck-up cow gave me a filthy look too. Grrrr!

I am sure the lady in question could see that a) your ds1 obviously has SN (what with the waist strap) and b) that you were dealing with the situation so as to avoid him shoving her again.

I'm sure she will have understood.

another vote to say you did what was right - if I was in her shoes - I would rather see that you were sorting it than apologising but letting it continue iyswim....... no doubt if she had any sense she would also see that.