What does everyone think of this?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

DD's nursery is supposed to start at 8.55am. The staff tend to have meetings beforehand though which drag on, so the kids have to stand outside.

DD of course does not take this well and runs around/shouts/tries to get in - I of course stop her.

Went into the nursery today to find the TA and student stood at door with arms crossed like bouncers. It was super embarrassing as everyone knew why they were doing it. They were embarrassed..the TA wouldn't look at me when I went in with DD afterwards.

I, having a v thin skin was quite upset afterwards, but am stressed out today as I was going to GP to chase up DDs results (not there yet, GP is going to call consultant).

But what do people think? I think it was a bit heavy handed, they could have stood INSIDE the door or something or just had a word with me about things, and I would have stood at the door.

Am quite embarrassed to go back tomorrow.

Am I being silly? I thought the staff were so lovely until today, but feel quite hurt by this.

I think they were being totally OTT.

When they are having meetings, is the door open (as inunlocked)? if they don't want you going in, they should be able to sort something out, surely (and completely agree that if they have decided your dd trying ot get in is an issue, they should have spokenot you about it)

dd1's preschool used tolock the door.

It didn't stop dd1 standing there rattling the handle, for quite a few months, but it did mean that she had to stay outside until they were ready.

eventually dd1 did get the message, but it was a combination of facotrs that got us there - including me being able to ignore (in a constructive way) her trying to get in, as otherwise, dd1 just built itall into her routine - ie, open door, wait for me to say "no, we need to wait outside", quick tour around the garden, back to door, wait for me to say "no, we need to wait outside", etc.

when I was able to say it once,and then ignore her behaviour, the obsession passed a bit more quickly, as she was not getting any feedback form it at all, iyswim?

sorry you had a rotten morning, and hope the nursery sort something out for you

The door is closed not locked, yesterday DD managed to open it but I closed it immediately.

I think I will just keep her outside in the garden until they are finished the meetings, or even turn up late (although I don't see why i should), it was quite excruciating this morning feeling embarrassed and seeing the TA embarrassed - it is a TINY little hallway and crammed with all the other parents, who already look at us strangely.

Maybe it was a super-confidential meeting today but I do wish they had just spoken to me first, feel quite let down- they are usually very considerate.

Poor you!
Things like this can be very difficult.

Have had similar experiance with a supply teacher expecting my ds1 to wait in line with no support and he repeatedly wandered to the front to wave at me and was then sent back again. He then started to lick the window. All the other Mums thought it was so cute....I came home and cried.

I would mention to staff how this has made you feel and try to all come up with a plan that works for you all. By doing what they did shows that they realise the problem but clearly this is not the correct way to deal with it.
I have found that if I point out the things that ds1 (and I ) find difficult to cope with then usually the staff admit that they hadn't realised and do something about it.

Really if they start at 8.55 then that is what should happen, but in reality it doesn't always.

I don't think you are being silly, we are all sensitive to things like this and us 'special' parents can be very sensitive to very small things that would go unnoticed by others.

Hope that tomorrow is better.

agree you shouldn't have ot turn up late.

do you feel up to asking them what they suggest you do? you could askin a roundabout way, or you could ask what they are doing to ensure they are ready for the children at 8.55 (if you are still feeling upset about the incident, bolshy can sometimes bethe way to go!)

does your dd have a key worker? maybe you could arrange to hand your dd over at 8.55 to this person - onus is then on them to be ready for her. maybe even, hand her over 5 mins early, on the pretext that your dd needs a bit longer to hang up coat/bag etc, and is unsettled by the bustle at handover time?

tbh, I used to be quietly bolshy when dd1 was having these kind of issues, and the pre-school were happy to let me. So notices about no parents inthe lobbly as too small were obviously not meant for me - dd1 couldn't cope without me there. (although if there was a particular reason at times, then of course Iobliged).

Have you tried chatting to the other parents about it, and having a laugh? I might have tried a "do they think she's going to give away all their top secrets" and laughed in the situation you describe, with a rolling of eyes etc?

It is hard, when you feel so apart form the rest of the crowd, and I hated always being the family that stood out, for whatever reason, but at the same time, that's not something that's going to change ina hurry, probably, and so the nursery needs to work with you to sort somehting out

It sounds OTT to me too. It's not like they were discussing the destinies of the nation. The TA was embarrassed because she herself recognized the slight absurdity of the situation. In an ideal world, they'd finish 5 minutes early to allow for people coming in.
As for other parents, evidently their children don't see a closed door as an epistemic, physical-sensorial challenge to be tackled head-on. One can but feel a bit sorry for them and their boring NT universe.

I might talk to them if this continues. Am hoping that this was a one-off for a special meeting but I fear this is the new tactic.

DD does have a 1:1 but it was she who was standing at the door being embarrassed and who wouldnt even look at me when i went in - how healthy eh!

Can't really chat to the other parents, they are a really unfriendly lot - was already upset this morning before this incident - DD and I came upstairs just before a dad and his DD (the one who asked another child to a party in front of us). DD had dropped a toy on the way up the stairs..they threw it away over the fence rather than have to talk to us (DD was the only child there when it was found). I had to chase them and ask about it and he was trying to run away from the scary mother with the strange DD.

That dad sounds like a person one would really want to become friends with. I understand why you're upset though - I think some parents would find some other parents and children 'scary' no matter what. Could be accent, skin colour, the way they dress - anything other than a mirror image of their own wonderful self.

He is super-friendly with a lot of the other parents, obviously our faces don't fit.

I always thought I'd survived being bullied at school but this is all making me think i haven't really, really gets to me more than it should.

How mortifying

I have to drop DS2 off at nursery before running around the building to take DS1 to his class. Nursery officially stars a 8:45, but there's a bi of leeway, since reception are in the same room and don't start until 8:55. All the same, when there's been a meeting and the staff are late setting up, so we're all locked out (in the hallway - the foundation unit has doors which require card keys to open), we often badger the Surestart reception staff to let us in so our older kids don't end up late.

I like the idea of arranging for the handover to a key worker bang on time with the emphasis that it's important for creating consistency and predictability.

Fanjo, my dd is the same when we get to nursery and it makes me angry when staff walk in and out the door pushing dd out of the way which makes her scream even louder (and this is at a sn nursery), now i take dd in late so she can go straight in.

I think I might end up going down that route as well marne, which seems a shame as it means less time to do other stuff, and less time at nursery for her, but it is probably the best option.

Not sure how though, as the buses get there just on time or very late.

Ah, don't fret FanjoforTheMammaries, DD1 is 4.5, and has been at preschool 2 years. She still stands at the door knocking it and saying "Hellooo, let me in. Are you in there? What you doing?...Helloooo, let me in. Are you in there? What you doing...", and she still posts her name card through the slot between the doors. Every day.

They just have to suck it up. If they wanted things to change they could make sure DD1's 1:1 was ready for her to meet her at the door rather than chatting, preparing a craft, making a cup of tea, or whatever. It isn't difficult, is it?

So, if they can't get themselves together, I would argue that they have to have the inconvenience of DD1's 'intervention'.

Same goes for your nursery. I know how it feels to feel stared at and isolated all at once while waiting outside though. Not nice.

Yes, meeting her at the door much nicer than standing there at door with arms folded like a bouncer, while ignoring her and me, I agree.

hey Fanjo-I assume its a mainstream nursery. The one to one sounds like an arse. I would just explain that routine is crucial to your DD and ask them if they cant have their meetings at the end of the day.

I wish it would be easy to get here there later, the buses are all early or far too late, could walk, it's 30 mins though and we already walk back, I am pretty tired at the moment. Might be easier all round though. Also intend to learn to drive at some point once my sore shoulder is better (I am a wreck).

It is a mainstream nursery. The 1 to 1 is not fantastic, DD spends time with all the staff 1:1 though at the moment, including the HT, who is usually lovely (but I think suggested this strategy).

Is there are park near the nursery, you could just take her for a walk for 5 mins or a run around in the park before nursery.

Learning to drive would be great and would make things so much easier for you. You could get lessons through family fund.

There isn't, sadly.

Was late today as missed bus so avoided the issue.

HT came out and talked to me for ages about how well DD was doing with the support, don't know if she saw I was upset yesterday, or is just being nice as usual!

Don't qualify for help from Family Fund, sadly.
Will definitely learn once shoulder better though, hurts to turn wheel at the moment, waiting for physio.

I was maybe a bit harsh about the 1 to 1 yesterday as well, she is not fantastic in her social skills to ME but the head teacher seems to pick good staff so i suppose I should have faith in her!!

Its your perception thats important though.
She should be able to communicate effectively with both kids and their parents.

If they don't want your daughter to try to get into nursery before they are ready, they should make sure they are ready before 8.55.

Unless you have a very strange nursery, I very much doubt that yours is the only child that is unsettled by this. Most young children need predictability at the beginning of the school day. Some are more bullet proof than others when faced with a little chaos, but that doesn't mean to say that is good practice.

Yes, they do seem a bit disorganised to me.