My head is about to explode...

[AndieWalsh]

Rant alert! And a few questions.

DS (5) in reception, recently diagnosed with Asperger's (have been on the whole assessment bandwagon for well over a year previously). His behaviour at school has always been challenging, but has deteriorated rapidly this term. He is having violent tantrums in which he attacks staff - and trying to escape from the school - on a daily basis. His behaviour at home can be trying - he is very oppositional and dislikes authority - but he does not have these violent tantrums and is generally manageable, and a lovely, sunny little boy.

He's been on School Action Plus for the past year and LEA are currently doing a statutory assessment (we requested it, but school are fully supportive). Ed Psych and school Inclusion Manager both think the LEA are very likely to statement him (as to what we get out of the statement, who knows? Am prepared for a fight...)

My current problem is that the school are really pushing for 'reduced hours'. They are spinning it as beneficial for DS, who gets very tired in the afternoons and apparently has most of his meltdowns then. However, they have also admitted that they are struggling to cope with staffing. They have got pretty much full time 1:1 cobbled together (a TA in the morning and one of two learning mentors in the afternoon), but this is still not working.

My argument is that DS needs not just full time 1:1, but 1:1 from a specialist. This is what i am pushing the LEA for. So, we have said a firm NO to this 'flexi schooling' malarkey. It's not practical and I am not giving the LEA such an easy get out. The school reckon that reduced hours will have 'no effect' on getting a statement / banding of the statement, but I do not buy this.

Our problem is that now every time DS has one of his meltdowns they threaten further external exclusion (he has been externally excluded several times already this term). 'Flexi schooling is preferable to him not coping with a full school day and being excluded', is their new tack.

Am i right in thinking this is effectively emotional blackmail?

I want a long term solution for DS. I want the LEA to do what they are legally obliged to do, which is find a way to support my son in mainstream education. I don't see how withdrawing him from school to make life easier for them is going to help my son.

But I am so very weary...

Anyone got any pearls of wisdom or advice for dealing with this situation?

God, sorry that was so long

When DS1 was in reception he finished school at lunchtime on Fridays because he found the whole week so difficult to deal with, but (despite the fact that ds1 and I were very keen for this arrangement to continue) it stopped in year 1.

It might be worth thinking about whether taking him out of school one or two afternoons a week on a temporary basis and being very clear and having it in writing that this is so might help your ds to cope until there is the proper provision you are fighting for.

I know it is not a long term solution, and I'm sure you have to be very clear that that you regard it as a temporary respite measure until proper provision is in place. But it might help him to cope until then -- after all the statementing process can be a very long one.

I'm sure I'll get rounded on by people with strong views about the iniquity of LAs and schools for saying this, but sometimes school staff do have some insight into how difficult our children find being there.

Your son doesn't sound happy at the moment. Why not give him a break until he has the proper support in place as np suggests?

I am so sorry to hear about the school messing you about, and I think you are right in holding your ground. TBH I think that no child that age copes well with a full school day, but what they are doing is effectively asking you to home-school, or shoulder the childcare, while not helping with the transition to next year, when he will have to have a full school day.
I'm sorry I have no advice because I lack experience. My DS hasn't even started reception yet, and we are presently mired in statementing stuff.
I just think it's insane the stuff one has to go through just to enjoy (as if) one's basic right to education

I don't think part time schooling would have an effect on the funding in the Statement. In this Authority it would have the opposite effect because it would show that he needs more support than the school can actually give him.
You don't have to agree to part time schooling if you don't think it will benefit your DS. I was SENCo when a parent was going through a very similar situation. The Head was keen to reduce the child's hours in school but the parent doggedly hung in there. The LA backed the parent and the school were forced to provide 1:1 cover for him all day including lunchtimes and playtimes pending the Statement. (Not all of that was actually funded by anyone. Staff including myself had a rota to support him at breaks and we were not paid extra to do so.)
My own DS has Aspergers but was not diagnosed until late. We had him home almost every lunch hour during Junior School basically because we had no faith in the lunchtime staff. That was our choice and what we genuinely believed was for the best for him. You need to decide whether you feel happy with what happens to DS at school and try to take an objective view. Perhaps your parent partnership will help.
I am afraid the "cobbled together" scenario is pretty common whilst waiting for the Statement. Budgets are finite and staffing will have been set at the beginning of the school year.
It is really easy for parents to assume the school just want the child out of their hair. This is not always the case. Sometimes the school genuinely believe that the child would be better off at home, particularly when they are very young.
IPSEA has an information pack on Exclusions which you should get hold of and also a copy of the SEN Code of Practice if you haven't got one already.

Thanks niminy.

Such a tricky one. Part of me wants to take him out of school altogether (!). I am so sick of him coming home exhausted and in floods of tears, saying he has had a bad day, or of the school ringing me to say he has kicked off

However, I just cannot shake the feeling that this arrangement is NOT for the benefit of my DS, but because of school staffing issues - which is the LEA's problem, not my son's.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, to be honest.

Wow, lots more replies. Will digest and come back!

Andie I know just what you mean about wanting him out of school altogether. All through Junior School I wished I was in a position to Home Ed (I had to work full time).

sc13 - that's just it. I just want my DS to have the provision he is legally entitled to.

If we decide to home school (which I cannot see how we would manage to do, really), it should be our decision, surely? Not dictated by the school. I just feel so uneasy about the fact that we would be hung drawn and quartered by the LEA for taking DS out of school for a day because we wanted to, but when the school cannot cope, it is absolutely fine to suggest cutting his hours willy nilly.

iamahappycamper

It's very difficult to know what the objective view is . I have become so cynical with regards to the school and LEA's motives that I often cannot see the woods for the trees.

i do know that my DS is struggling at school. I just don't know if 'taking him home for lunch' is helpful (he struggles with changing activity as it is), or if cutting an hour or two off his school day would actually achieve anything in terms of his social communication problems. As far as I can tell, it would give the TAs a break, basically.

The Inclusion Manager's heart is in the right place, but he has to do what is right or the whole school. The headteacher is hardline and I think would rather DS just disappeared from her to do list. The LEA are bastards - constantly giving me inadequate and misleading information, or ommitting to tell me crucial information. I suppose this is why I am finding it hard to swallow the whole 'this is the best thing for your son' line. Because as far as I can see, I have been his only reliable advocate.

wassup3000 / happycamper- in my heart of hearts, i would like to HE but it just isn't an option right now

Hmm, interesting. And how would I go about proposing this, Starlight .

I would love to flexi-school if I could afford not to work.

a friends ds's school refused to take their son full time and would only allow him till lunch, and this was the case for the first term, it was increased to after lunch. It did not affect his statement and now he has a statement for half the school time and after easter he was in school full time. This seem to work well for both parties. I think the school could not manage his behaviour, but he was clearly tired (being one of the youngest in the class and the efforts of the social location) and the time out helped him. Sometimes less is more.

I can understand the theory that it won't have an effect on the statement funding. However, to get the right amount of support for your DS, the school need to show that he currently isn't coping with full-time school hours - by records of incidents, demonstrating the level of support he needs in school, lack of progress. How will they show this if he isn't even in school?

It's sad to say so, but it may be that you have to allow him to fail in school in order to show the level of need. Only you can decide whether that's appropriate for your child in the long term.

If you do agree to any such arrangement, I would confirm everything in writing so you have evidence that the school has made the request.

I was in a similar position a few months ago - school were constantly calling me up to collect DS and it was impossible to plan my day. After a while I insisted that I wouldn't collect him unless it was an official recorded exclusion. I think that did help, because the exclusion letters have provided useful evidence for SA and SENDIST.

As I said, and I'm obviously not the only one (you remember the Cambridge report), children start school too young in this country.
I'd be all in favour of state-subsidised childcare until age 6-7, and then school. A lot of our kids would have time to develop and would be much more able to cope if they started 'proper' school later

I think your arguments in this thread are extremely well put and you should write up a summary of what you've said here. It may be useful as a formal submission, or as your own reminder of what you think and why. I strongly suspect that the school is "selling you a pup" for their own benefit but you should also consider buying it if it will suit your DS, with strong and clear reassurances. The thing I have found over the years is that, when professionals are telling you something is for your or your child's benefit, they usually genuinely believe it (as I say to DH, they believe their own sh*t!), so they may fell very strongly that they are in the "right" and have your DS's interests at heart, but they may well be kidding themselves somewhat.....

IME it isn't so much the number of hours that ds2 found exhausting BUT the sensory overoad that came with it.
IF they made a few small changes might your ds find it less tiring?

The first thing that leaps out is the number of changes he is coping with each day - change in his staff 1 to1 support would have been enough to send my ds2 in to meltdown!

Just giving your ds some quiet time during his school day may allow him to cope & be happy.

There is no easy answer BUR only take your ds out of school if it is in HIS best interest.

We had this a few years ago with DS. Infant school could not (did not want to) cope with him and were forever calling us saying what a bad day he was having etc. They stated on request for SA that he was always worse in the afternoon - turned out he was being excluded from his peers and kept in a tiny playground with reception children! He also had to have an LSA no more than a few feet away from him so could not run around to burn off some energy. Even playing hide and seek was impossible as LSA was always standing there so he was found pretty quickly. Junior school has been much better for him,the staff are understanding and no major incidents have happened. I know it's hard but stick with it and things will get better.

Thanks everyone. If you have anything to add to my exclusion thread that'd be great