Preschool issue - who would you believe

[lou031205]

So, DD1 started her Clobazam last night. A 1/3 dose twice daily for a week, then increase.

This morning I warned preschool that she had started the meds last night, and that she may either a) be the same as normal, b) be very tired or c) be absolutely wild.

At 12.00 I got a call to collect her. To give perspective, preschool closes at 12.30, and I normally pick her up at around 12.20 anyway, because they find the last 10 minutes too hard. She had been "having a tantrum" since 11.30, and they couldn't do anything with her.

I went in, and met the SENCO (DD1's main 1:1) in the carpark (she finishes at 12.00 on a Thursday). She said 'today was not DD1's fault'. She went on to vaguely suggest that people are all having different standards and rules for DD1, and that they didn't handle her well today.

I arrived to find DD1 eating lunch, so sat with her and helped her. She was very 'away with the fairies'. Not hyperactive as such, but wandering & giggling, not sitting still, getting up and forgetting what she was meant to be doing, etc.

I took her over to say sorry to her 1:1 for today, and the preschool leader. The preschool leader told me a different story. That she and the 1:1 were doing really well with DD1 today, and they would have had a great session, but then 'someone told them they shouldn't allow DD1 to do something, and so they had to stop her doing it, and that's when it all went wrong.' (I think inferring that the departing SENCO had interfered). She said that she should have stuck to her guns as supervisor, and then it would have been oK.

Apparently, she gave DD1 a huge, firm, cuddle, and said "DD1 I need you to stop crying now", and DD1 looked at her and said "But how?"

So, I have no idea what actually happened. DD1, bless her, was in a right old state. She can't tell me what happened, except that she 'cried and cried and cried. I always cry.'

The preschool leader has said that it is 'just that last session (ie. from 1115-1200 when they do more structured activity, such as story & songs) that DD doesn't cope with'. But she is almost 4.6, she has been at that same preschool for 2 calendar years.

If I had left it to the 'system' we would be facing this situation with DD1 heading for a mainstream primary, when she can't cope with a full 3.5 hours at preschool. Thank goodness that I knew MN & took control. At least she is heading for Special School.

Sorry. THat is so long.

I think seen as it resulted in you having to pick up your dd early and her being upset for quite a long time, they owe you an explanation.

Them blaming each other is not your problem and you should not have to decide who to believe.

She has been there for 2 years, surely they should know what she is/isnt allowed to do, without having to disrupt her.

SENCO is responsible for making sure that staff are aware of what the rules are and making sure they are followed. I would be asking SENCO for an explanation and why the staff were not aware of what they should be doing/not doing.

It doesn't sound like it has been handled well at all. They could all be right. e.g. technically speaking for the SENCo but if what your DD was doing wasn't harmful or dangerous it may have been wiser to continue due to her finding transition stuff difficult and causing her distress. The 1:1 should have clear instructions of what is expected and for your DD if the SENCo would prefer things done differently to address that seperately to the 1:1 for her to know for next time rather than insisiting whatever it is stops immediately. Obviously if it is dangerous for DD/others then it has to be stopped.

So a reassurance that better communication happens between the staff to avoid unnecessary distress for your DD is what I would ask for.

Thanks guys

I am just so disheartened. Preschool are clearly struggling. They have (probably unwittingly) stopped telling me when people visit. I asked today if they had had any contact from OT, and they said 'oh yes she came in for a chat last week and has given us a sensory profile to fill in'. But they didn't tell me until I asked.

I said that the OT wanted to know if there were things for DD1 to push, pull, hang off, etc (answer is a big fat no). But preschool said "whatever the physical things are we can do them, we don't need help with that. What we need help with is her behaviour. Like when she is having a meltdown on the floor, kicking and screaming, there is nothing we can do with her. She's gone too far. We need help with that."

What made me sad is that they are so right in one sense - if she gets that far she just can't come down on her own. But they don't realise that its because of the lack of things to push, pull, hang off, etc. and the lack of consistency that causes the meltdowns .

I know she is hard work. I despair at home myself, because nothing works with her. She doesn't respond to distract/redirect, or naughty step, or even (whispers) smacking. NOTHING works.

But she is my darling girl. She is absolutely amazing in so many ways. She is being sold short.

Lou, contact the OT and tell her you want her to report back to you after a visit to update you on what her suggestions etc were. She should also following up her visit in writing to the school to confirm strategies etc , ask her to copy you in.

Exactly if your dd is having meltdowns, means her needs are not being adequately met. OT should be advising them on this.

Communication between all parties is the key. If strategies are not working, you all need to be deciding what next.

It is frustrating trying to get people to view the behaviour side differently - hopefully the OT report will give them a nudge in the right direction.

I dread preschool drop-off and pick up though relish the time DS1 is there. I'm hoping a fresh start at school were the parties involved will be aware from the outset what his difficulties are will make for an easier time all round......

sorry lou, I can't keep track of who is who - who is soon to be senco? and does DD have more than one 1-1.

sounds like there is a power struggle going on between the pre-school staff, which is resulting in different stories. in your gut, which member of staff do you think is telling the truth?

Sorry, it confuses me . Soon-to-be-SENCO is a long-standing member of staff, who will take over from current SENCO/KEYWORKER/1:1 next week when she leaves.

They are sharing her 1:1 between all the staff members, it seems.

My gut instinct is that it probably isn't quite as bad as Soon-to-be-SENCO is saying (she can be very negative and seems to like a bit of drama). However, it can't have been as 'good' as Supervisor says it was, because she wouldn't have ended up being sat on a chair.

I think the Supervisor is probably a little embarrassed that they can't control her.

yes, I was a bit concerned about them trying to make her stay in the chair as well, I suspect you are right - that current 1-1 wants to minimise problems (I think it's human nature to want to think that what you are doing is helping matters!).

I agree with totalchaos - go with your gut instinct. A friend of mine whose DS has social and communication issues regularly very differing stories about her DS. The TA will say "we've had a really good day", wheras the teacher will say "it's been a really difficult day". Both of them are really good with her DS, but it's hard for her to get a good judgment of how he's been.

I don't understand why they're not allowing the pushing, pulling things that have been recommended by the OT as if it's to meet sensory needs then surely this would help your DD in not getting into this state.

Do you think it could be the new drug? My DD first went onto lamotrigine when she'd just turned 5. She began to have dreadful tantrums both at school and at home. She also became depressed and would cry for hours. It wasn't until the carbamazepine was introduced that her mood and tantrums improved. Have you queried with your DD's consultant whether the behaviour and emotional state could be connected with the new drug?

The new drug started a week ago. Her behaviour has been deteriorating for months. But I do think that she is ultra tired because of the new drug. She increased her dose last night to 2/3 from 1/3, so it doubled. I think they are just struggling with the whole preschool atm, so DD1 is a problem for them. I think they are just biding their time now.

Sorry, I left a name in my post above. It should say:

"Ok, so today I was greeted by the soon-to-be-SENCO striding across the hall to open the door for me as soon as she saw me approach. Honestly, she couldn't have walked faster if her arse was on fire.

She greeted me with "DD1 has been a bit mischievous today, I am afraid." I said "Oh dear, really?" She said "Yes, she is sitting on a chair now..." So I replied "What for? What is it she's done?"

Here comes the story - or does it?

Soon-to-be-SENCO: "She's been running around since 11.00 (1.5 hours) and not doing as she's told."

I go in, to see the Supervisor trying to keep DD1 on a chair. Not happening. So I say "DD1 you must sit on the chair if your teacher has told you to", and take over.

After a few minutes, the Pre-school supervisor walks us out. DD1 writhing, I manage to pin her in the buggy. Other parents here by now. I say "Sorry she's been so difficult for you".

The response: "Oh it's only been the last 5 minutes!".

I laughed. I said "Well soon-to-be-SENCO says it's been since 11am, so hardly 5 minutes, is it????"

"Oh, well it's been 5 minutes for me, then...".

Seriously. HOW AM I MEANT TO DEAL WITH THIS IF I CAN'T GET A STRAIGHT STORY??????

I despair. I feel like throwing in the towel. DD1 is asleep on the sofa. I think she is probably unwell/clobazam like a chemical cosh."

I wonder which part of "I warned preschool that she had started the meds last night, and that she may either a) be the same as normal, b) be very tired or c) be absolutely wild" the school didnt understand!!

The best they can up with, is to sit her on chair. Are they following the recommendation made by OT?

Well to be honest, OT hasn't actively helped preschool since December, so probably not, Claw.

Today the current SENCO said she was so wobbly that she didn't dare leave her for a minute, and that she was really vague and dopey . I reminded her that DD is on an increasing dose of Clobazam. She doubled her dose on Wednesday evening, so she is at a 2/3 dose now. I said "it's nickname is clobber, because it's like being clobbered over the back of the head."

Oh Lou your poor dd

Probably not an option for you, but i would feel tempted to keep her home until she was used to it? (i have no idea of how long this would take etc)

Could they phone you to go and pick her up, on the days the medication is effecting her badly?

Does you dd have a Statement, it does sound as if they need some guidance on meeting her needs?

I have offered to go in and be with her if she is proving difficult for them. I said that I would rather go in and be with her than the situation deteriorating to the point that they just want to get rid of her. We have worked so hard for the last 2 years.

I have asked them to phone me if they are struggling. They have said that unless she is crying uncontrollably (as she rarely does), then they feel they need to 'get the other side of it' themselves.

She does have a statement. Ironically, it's all gone wrong since her statement has been finalised. Until then, everyone was helping preschool. Now it seems that they all think someone else is dealing with it.

well.... it's laudable they want to handle DD and any behavioral issues themselves - but given it's a crossover with medical issues, possibly that could be the facesaving out for them - that from medical pov you want to know if side-effects are affecting her badly.

Yes, perhaps I need to say again on Monday that I expect she will be tired, and please phone me.

Perhaps also point out to them, that this isnt about them struggling, its about your dd struggling due to the medication and if she is vague, dopey and cant keep her little opens, they need to phone you.

I hope it doesnt last much longer, poor dd.