Had enough, wish I could just make it all go away

[kissyfurschaos]

After several incidents at nursery lately went to collect DS 2.8 tonight. Was informed that he had really hurt a much younger child- just a tiny baby they said. Apparently he pushed her and she is bruised with a cut. Had to fill in a form for his file.
I just managed to get out without crying in front of them. Apparently different parents have complained about him pushing their children.
Just feel I cant cope. Am on my own withh DS, the only break I get is when he is at nursery and I am at work. DS isn't well behaved for me either and life is just getting too much.
Ed Psych going in to observe week after next.

kissy am so sorry it's so hard for you. bear in mind that it's nursery's job, not yours to supervise him etc, these incidents at nursery are NOT your fault, if they need extra funding for 1-1, then they should apply for that. Many kids in this age group without special needs go through pushing/biting/hitting phases - it's not great behaviour, but parents really should be a bit more erm realistic.

I had something similar at nursery too and I was absolutely devastated -- I felt such a failure. But it's really not unusual for 2 yr olds to hurt other children though and they should absolutely not be making you feel bad about it. It's their job to manage behaviour while he is at nursery and I am really shocked they are passing on complaints from parents to you. They should be dealing with them (the complaints that is). Also it is their job to keep children safe and they need to look to their responsibilities.

What kind of behaviour are you having trouble with at home and have you talked to anyone about it? My HV must have a file about a foot thick from all the times I phoned her to ask for advice about ds1 I sometimes thought death would be better than having to deal with him for another day. If EP is coming in you should be able to talk to him/her either before or after the observation and she/he may have useful things to say. If you are really concerned you can go to your GP, tell them what the concerns are, and ask for an Early Years Assessment to check on various developmental things.

Also it sounds as if you could use a break if you are dealing with it all on your own. Is there a Homestart in your area? (Your local children's centre should have the details and again HV should know if you are still in touch with them.) They can often offer a couple of hours a week and that could be a start. You need time off from him when you are not working either.

Finally, here's a cup of tea, some biscuits, a frivolous magazine and half an hour to put your feet up...

Thanks for listening. Wish things would just calm down. Adore DS but just didnt expect motherhood to be like this. Wish I could go to slee and not wake up.

At home very energetic and demanding. At nursery the same plus pushing children, throwing things, lines up toys (never done this at home though.)
He also screams sometimes and has a speech delay, although thats improving.

I don't know what to say, it must be hard for you having no down time. Is your HV any help, Homestart could be helpful, or further on down the line, you might want to see if Social Services could help with say respite care. The pre-school years are the toughest IME, when you are stuck on waiting lists etc.

I agree with what niminy-piminy says. My younger son's nursery had a baby unit separate from the main nursery. Most 2-year-olds are boisterous and can push, bite, steal toys etc., so perhaps the nursery should be separating the babies from the older ones anyway.

How are you meant to feel when they tell you other parents have complained? Shit, obviously, but helpless to act as you are not there and they are! They really should be helping you and him and seeking active solutions and strategies, not just landing you with all the guilt and bad feelings. Good luck with the ed-psych, hope it gets something sorted.

kissy, I 100% agree with TotalChaos and niminypiminy that the nursery has to take responsibility for your DS whilst he is there. Did they say how he came to hurt a "tiny baby"? aren't babies in different rooms to the older toddlers? Are they looking at the triggers e.g. what is happening before he pushes? I think they need ot look at your DS with fresh eyes - could he be overwhelmed due to noise/not understanding what he is meant to be doing/not understanding what is being said to him as telling you parents are complaining is neither helpful nor professional imo.

Have you got a sure-start centre near you? I've had a family support worker come out and she has been ace - I may have been slightly lucky as she used to be a Teacher Assistant for a child with SN so is quite knowledgable but she's come to meetings, helped me on a practical level with my DS1 and is an alround superstar. You don't need a child with a dx or anything like that and you can self-refer. It may give you a bit of RL support so worth considering.

I hope the Ed Psych visit results in some extra help and support for your son.

Too right it is their responsibility not yours. You could ask for a meeting to discuss what strategies they are using to support your DS and keep the other children safe.

I would suggest that on his file there should be observations aimed at identifying the triggers to this behaviour. Then he should have an IEP or ILP to which focuses on helping him be more aware of his movements, helping him express anger differently or managing the trigger is that the observation has identified.

I hope the ed psych visit helps too. If they haven't got obs and IEPs he/she may ask them to do them before they go any further.