hand-dryer strategy not working - different tack?

[lingle]

Ds2 (4.8, wacking great receptive language delay, spectrummy) is blossoming in every way ..... except for blasted hand-dryers which seems to be hardening into a phobia as fast as you can say "airblade" .

Strategy to date has been to make him use public loos where I can turn the hand-dryer off. This worked for a while, then he started believing that I could do it in every toilet. Cue sheer and utter panic when other people turned them on. He now no longer trusts me at all on the subject.

Now when I mention the word "toilet" he runs away from me as fast as he can. It's getting dangerous as you can imagine.

An acquaintance suggested getting him to count how long the hand-dryer sound lasts for. This seems to be the beginning of a better strategy. He won't go into the same room, but will stand about 5 metres from the toilet door listening and waiting for his brother to turn it on, then really enjoys counting it.

So I'm thinking about this as a plan B.

• give up forcing him into any loo with a hand-dryer at all, even loos where you can turn the handdryer off - take him outside and find a bush (he has a bladder of iron). -- get him to do the hand-dryer counting game at every opportunity in the hope that gradually he will edge closer as he has done with vacuum cleaners/hairdryers etc and follow his lead.
• be utterly consistent - this could mean letting him wet himself in an emergency - something he never does.

It's quite clear how unpleasant the hand-dryer sound is for him, but I'm sure we are at the point where the biological auditory imbalance/pain is dwarfed by the anxiety.

I will chase dyson again about the toy airblade.

any comments welcome. I guess inconsistency is pretty unfair on a frightened child.

Should add that he likes similar blowy feelings and has said things like "when I'm 5, the hand-dryer will blow me".

no realadvice, but solidarity - we have the same issue.

dd1 is terrified of the handdryers too. she has been dry for coming up to 18 months now, and will wee happily in toilets outside the house, but the dryers are a real issue.

we seemed to be dping ok for a while, and could talk her through it, but last summer she took a real backwards step, and it is again a huge issue.

we take her into the disabled toilets (we have a radar key) and have perfected the "yes, she is disabled look/speech, but have yet to use it!

At least in the disabled loo we are able to asure her that the hand dryer won'tbe turned on (except when they are really badly laid out, and we accidentally set it off while helping her ) and can also usually turn them off at the isolating switch anyway.

she still has an issue around them and also seems to now think that the loo paper dispensers make noise too, and so we need to reassure her aboutthat oo.

BUt on the whole, we are at least able to get her to wee while out and about (bladder of iron too - to the point that I am convinced she will ndup with a urine infection, and thus why we keep trying to keep on top of weeing in "strange"toilets!)

We have same problem. We've had to get a radar key, as DS won't set foot in the public loos. He is absolutely scared rigid and he talks about handdryers all the time and how scary they are. When we go to other folks houses he has to be reassuerd 1000 times that they don't have handdryers, and even then he spends the whole time on the toilet scanning the room to make sure we haven't 'missed' one - to the point where sometimes he can't even wee, he's so stressed.

If anyone has got any suggestions I'd be glad to hear them too, as it makes going out and about very difficult.

I read a similar thread once and a mner gave her dc earmuffs! It worked for her. My dc do not have sn but both have gone through stages of hating hand dryer noises. Tbh some of them are so loud I find it a bit uncomfortable volume level. One of mine even walked under a dryer by accident and set it off, jumped- cue sore head........

Only solution I found was to put my hands over their ears while they wiped their hands dry on my jeans

Or could you take a bottle of hand gel and exit the toilet swiftly and do the gel outside?

HTH

Have you also tried social stories about hand-dryers?

Sounds like you are doing well, by taking it slowly and turning it into a game.

Ds has a food phobia, water phobia, spider phobia, puppet phobia and i suppose you could call it a trying-anything-new phobia too.

I have had some success with the water phobia, by doing something similar to what you are doing taking it slowly and letting ds control how much expose and gradually increasing, also social story.

thanks for all those replies. It sounds as though no-one thinks I should try to force him through this - it's clearly getting worse not better.

So, "surrender Dorothy" and all that. We've tried it my way and now we'll try it his way.

thederkinsdame I will reply in a separate post.

Claw - he has enjoyed one social story about hand-dryers - but he's such a visual learner, I don't think social stories are powerful enough for him IYSWIM. What I can see working better is something like really enjoying playing with a fan.

Anyway, Dyson have just offered me an empty AAirblade shell which is a good start so I'll see how he reacts to that. I think he needs to explore one close up and all that....

thederkinsdame: you said "When we go to other folks houses he has to be reassuerd 1000 times that they don't have handdryers, and even then he spends the whole time on the toilet scanning the room to make sure we haven't 'missed' one - to the point where sometimes he can't even wee, he's so stressed."

What you said there reminded me so much of DS2 - but at a stage where he was almost non-verbal. What you said about him scanning the room shows so clearly that these thousand reassurances are getting you nowhere - they don't sink in - he is looking for visual confirmation instead. Would you consider completely switching tack and going for a completely non-verbal, 100% visual intensive strategy? I know that lots of mumsnetters are very dubious about the whole "visual learner" idea but I think all it means is "I hear and I forget, I see and I understand" and the room-scanning is telling you that he won't be reassured by what you say, only by what he sees.

What I am talking about here is taking photographs of your toilets at home, and of toilets in other houses (yes I know, but we do these things for our kids don't we?), and at school, printing out the photos and putting them in a file, divided from each other with a photo of the outside of the property. You would have to start with ones he is already confident about, eg home, school plus granny's before attempting any new houses, because you have to deal with "trusted" situations first before using the visual to cope with new situations.

Thus, for instance, you are going to a house for the second time. Treating him as if he were almost non-verbal, you hand him his folder before going in. You show him the photo of the front of the house, and the photos of the toilets. You say very little, you don't labour the point (this will give you a break from the explanations too). If he wants to, he can go and explore to check. Then, when expected to sit in the lounge nicely, he can open his folder to reassure himself - to check his records, literally - that he has nothing to fear at toilet time. He can do this at any time - he doesn't need to keep asking you.

If this works, the possibilities are endless - buy him a camera so he can create his own records, etc, etc.

The book that opened my eyes to why visuals are so important (though misunderstood and overlooked ) is Visual Strategies for Improving Communication
by Linda Hodgson - it has a clear but brilliant explanation of why we all use visual aids in everyday life to orient ourselves without realising it.

As for the hand-dryers themselves - if I find the answer, I will let everyone know!!!!!

I'm like triple - I let DS dry his hands on my skirt or just use gel instead of wash if fear of the dryer is getting too much. Sometimes DS seems to enjoy hand driers, other times he's very avoidant .

sounds like the counting game may work re:anxiety - sort of a gradual exposure approach to the hand driers

I honestly don't care whether he ever uses one in his life - he can always shake his hands dry.

I just want him to be able to walk past the damned things!

lingle - thanks for that tip - will have to look up Linda Hodgson as that may help a lopt. DS is a very visual thinker, and we use a lot of visual symbols, even though he has speech. The way I think of it is that it would be like me trying to put together a piece of flaptack furniture without a diagram. Instructions are helpful, pictures make everything clearer!

A MN was campaigning to get Dyson to make a toy handdryer - does anyone remember? I wonder if she's got anywhere?

twas me re Dyson. looks like they'll send a "shell" which is a good start.

What I like so much about Hodgson's book (a moondog recommendation) is that it shows you why visuals work even when you can talk - once you've grasped that, you no longer think of them as an intermediary thing and it starts to become obvious how to make every situation visually meaningful.

DS2 is very verbal now but when distressed or disoriented, a picture for him to hold really is worth a thousand words.

Trouble is, all his teachers are hyper-verbal (only that kind of person goes into primary teaching....) so they, like many mumsnetters, see the visual learner stuff as something to get beyond.

And I am a verbal learner too so even though I know better, I still let my photos go out of date, forget to have pencil and paper to hand, and then wonder why he gets upset!

My father is a classic visual learner - it's clear to me that it is a lifelong preference.

Lingle, totally agree with the visual learners. Ds is an extreme visual learner and bearing that in mind has helped us 100%.

peltor ear defendors. You get them from Ebay.

Changed My Life

ok, I've bought some green ones - let's see how we get on.....

Have you been able to work out what it is about the dryers that is bothering him, Lingle?

I wonder if it is the volume, or the quality of the sound, or the abruptness, or the unpredictability of it?

I think the strategy would have to change according to the reason. So, for example, if it is the volume, you could do some sort of desensitisation starting with a very soft sound, such as a hairdryer on 'low', then 'medium', then 'high'. Moving on to perhaps the hand-dryer from a distance, then closer & closer.

However, if it is the unpredictability, then that is very different. Perhaps games of boo, or taking it in turns to make a sound to surprise each other, etc. Moving on to perhaps (when he has had a chance to get to grips with it) Counting down the time until the hand-dryer goes on, with him having 'on' and 'off' cards he can hold up. Then building that up. Then perhaps practicing turning it on for you to surprise you. Then finally him being able to cope with it turning on to surprise him.

Probably no good, but if there is a way of 'normalising' the experience for your DS, that would be preferable to having to adapt it.

Sorry, a million x-posts - DD1 has been a hyperactive ball of mischief as I was typing. I wasn't trying to negate the usefulness of ear defenders, at all

Totally agree with visual learning thing. DD1 can't process much we say, tbh, especially if she is anxious. Seeing stuff calms her enormously.

that is extremely helpful lou, thank you. It is both.

I think I am going to have to use both your strategies.

That idea about on and off cards is brilliant.

I am fairly sure I am NT but I find the noise intrusive and almost painful, and neither of my children tolerate it well, Ds1 being autistic and ds2 being NT (4 years old but terrified of it!).

I would suggest getting some ear protectors and letting him wear them. Sometimes a noise can actually hurt your brain!

Oh I am so glad Please let us know how you get on.