Dd1's first real play date, excited but nervous

[Marne]

Dd1 (AS) has been invited to her friends after school on friday. Dd1 has a little thing for her friends brother, since the brother moved schools last term dd1 has been really upset. So dd1 is really looking forward to going to her friends house (and seeing her brother) but i'm a bit worried (PFB) as this is the first time she has been asked over someones house (apart from my neighbours house), i have already im about dd's fussy eating, do i need to tell her dd1 has Aspergers? The mum is very nice and i have been friends with her since dd1 started school. Dd1 should be fine but may get nervous about using the toilet (as they live in a caravan).

Also how can i get it into dd1's head that she is going to play with the girl, not her older brother? .

Difficult. I'd be tempted to explain that she's on the autism spectrum and mention the positives as well as the possible challenges in brief detail. But much depends on how relaxed and cheerful you think the mum is and whether she might be a bit panicked if she doesn't know a lot about autism already?

Perhaps do a social story for DD1, showing basic piccies (stick figures are fine) of what will happen and what the rules are for playing with the girl and the boy. Also include the basic manners. She might want to take the pictures with her to remind her what to do and when?

All very exciting!

Exciting stuff! Hope she has a lovely time.

I would tell the mam though, just incase your DD has a meltdown. Definitely mention anything she will/won't eat.

Thanks Amber- i think i will try a social story, at the moment she's so excited about going that she not even anxious (which is unlike dd1).

5inthebed- the only time she would have a major meltdown is with the food, i keep telling her 'if she doesn't like the food just tell the mum politely without making a fuss', i worry because of how she was x-mas day at my dads when they put a prawn cocktail in front of her (she cried and moaned for half an hour and came across as being very ungrateful and rude) . I have old the mum to not be offended if dd1 wont eat, they are making her a pizza (as thats the only hot food she will eat) and the mum said its all; ok as she looks after a fussy eater (she's a child minder).
Its possible that the mum already knows dd1 has AS as i am quite open about it, i just worry because last time i told a parent (after having her dd over) and they never invite dd1 over to play .

Dd1 gets on really well with the girls older brother as they seem very alike . I just hope all goes ok so she will get invited over again.

I think she will be fine then if she is having something to eat she likes. She sounds lovely from what I've read in previous posts. Are you pickin her up afterwards?

I can't even imagine my DS2 being invited anywhere to play, I'd be a nervous wreck.

I'm picking her up afterwards , i will be sat here counting down the minutes until i pick her up. They only live 5 minutes up the road, i will have to stop myself driving past to check she's ok.

I think the spectrum thing would panic most people.

Is there a way you can keep the playdate slightly shorter to increase the chances of leaving them both wanting more?

I get a fair few phone calls during play dates to ask if the child is "being good" or "is ok" (usually I think they just know how forgetful I am and want to make sure I remembered to get child from school!). Could you sneak in a phone call after about an hour so you can ask if she is being good and deal with any issues that have arisen?

Don't panic if it doesn't go well. Often the host child is vile on playdates.

Lingle, hopefully she will only be there a couple hours (just long enough to eat and have a little play), luckily this little girl is the most polite,well behaved child in dd's class so she should be a good host. TBH i would be more worried if it was any of the other children in her classes house she was going to. I will leave the mum my phone number just in case, maybe i can tell her that dd1 can be a little sensitive rather than saying she's autistic?

I'm sure you'll judge it well good luck!

How did it go Marne?