Nursery implying DS has autism-what do I do?

[Iggi999]

Hope this isn't the wrong section to post in, would love some advice/experience. DS is 2.9, saw a speech therapist 6 months ago and then again recently who was very happy with the progress he has now made (chats away, not proper "sentences" though). His nursery say he hardly talks to them, were surprised the Speech therapist thought he was ok, and now yesterday they tell me he has been waving his hands and they want to contact our health visitor.
They did not mention ASD but I can't think what else they mean.
Are these two symptoms (slow to speak & hand waving, though I haven't noticed the second one - he does jump up and down lots with excitement) a good indication of ASD?
If anyone can advise me what I do next, or recommend a good website (google results were quite overwhelming ) I'd be v.grateful.
Sorry for rambling post, very distressed today.

Iggi, teachers are by no means experts in ASD. Referring your ds onto experts is a positive step as they can either identify or rule out ASD.

After talking with you, your HV will decide whether to refer to a Pediatrician. Must be a worrying time for you, better to get it checked out, than left to worry.

The thing to remember is you should (make sure you are) involved in the process.

What you describe sounds awful. I'm not ungrateful to the nursery. Their impression of DS is different to mine, he behaves differently there.
I'm thrown that this counts as a dx though.

The nursery cannot dx your son Iggy.

Maybe you could have a read around the internet about children on the autistic spectrum and see if anything else jumps out at you. Either way, go and see you health visitor, tell her about nursery's concerns, your concerns (if you have any by then) and then decide together how to take this forward.

I know it's very hard not to worry but try not to get too stressed. In my limited experience there are many symptoms of autism in any one child and you are only talking about two.

If your DS does have autism then identifying him early could make a big difference to his outcomes. (I would love to go back in time for the sake of my daughter.) If he doesn't then you can relax and put all this behind you.

Good luck. I hope this works out well for you.

I think it's quite important not to follow the nursery's lead too blindly- You should think seriously about whether there are problems of course. You should think about whether he is meeting milestones or not. Is he talking well enough at home ? Understanding enough ? Playing normally? There may well be more they are seeing but dxing autism by 'hand waving' is not a good idea esp. if the speech therapist is happy with progress.

do not try to judge him on your definition of 'normal' if he is your first cild and you have never worked closely with children. Your idea of normal is your son and so of course he will seem normal to you.

See the health visitor, mention the nursery's concerns but also let her know that you don't have any.

Thank you all. It's good to get some perspective on this.
Have made appointment with GP - maybe premature, but better they tell me that I suppose. I've so little knowledge about child development in general, it's hard to know if he's typical. Need to do some research (also need to do my work, have a stiff drink etc).
My instinct is that he is meeting milestones etc, but given that an early dx seems so important I don't know which way to go.

That sounds like a good idea - but focus on the key areas, language, communication, cognitive development. Sometimes well meaning people can focus too much on side issues like hand waving or lining up toys. Having said that, nursery staff do see young children a lot so it is possible they have picked up an impression that needs to be examined.

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense.

Iggi. Don't worry - it's by no means a dx and nothing is cut and dried. It is better for them to flag concerns and for him to be checked rather than you stewing for ages wondering 'is he/isn't he' (which is what happened to us and the not knowing was worse IYSWIM)

I would ask your GP to refer you for a full developmental check so that yDS can be checked and things such as glue ear can be ruled out, too, which can be a problem for toddlers. HTH

I would definitely talk to the GP etc. (I would go mad if this was brought up and I didn't go to the professionals.)

However, when my DS was at nursery, some of his odd behaviour made the Manager suggest maybe he had epilepsy (two of her children did). We were refered and had lots of tests. These all came back negative.
BUT DS is dyslexic, I think the odd behaviour was related to his dyslexia, and him zoning out when the surroundings became too stressful.

The good thing is the professionals will put your mind at rest if it isn't ASD. But do bear in mind it could be something else. But I would have thought when looking for ASD they will spot that too.

For good info on ASD go to the National Autistic Society website, www.nas.org.uk

I agree with cyberseraphim and alison and mummytime.

You were the expert on this child before this happened. Now you are even more the expert.

Other people are experts on typical child development. It's worth talking to them, but build up your own expertise too as much as you can.

If his behaviour differs between home and nursery, that is very important. He may be overwhelmed. Nursery's job from now on is to work out how to get to know the child you know at home. It took my son's nursery a year but we got there in the end.

By the way, nursery would be better off talking to your speech therapist than your health visitor surely?

Thanks for advice and the links. The more I read the less I think he has ASD, but obviously I am missing the behaviours that the nursery sees. And they have a room full of toddlers so the one flapping his hands will stand out I suppose. Some people have said identifying it can make big difference to their outcomes - I'm wondering what parents can do to support the child if it is identified at this age? Prob should head back to the NAS website for that!
Lingle, he doesn't like nursery much, sometimes ok going in but often crying. There 3 days a week.

How well qualified are the nursey staff? The SAL therapist will have a degree and post graduate qualifications. If she is happy with his progress then I would try not to worry. However as the nursery have started on this route it might be worth asking your GP for a referral to a Community Paed to set your mind at rest. The nursery cannot make a diagnosis. (Nor can the speech therapist but she can contribute observations which can aid diagnosis.)
People always say early diagnosis is vital but it does depend to some extent on the severity of the symptoms. Many children with Aspergers are not diagnosed until much later. (Our son was 12 and we were told it was fairly normal for children to be diagnosed at that age.)

I'm all for early dx when there is a problem (my 2 boys have autism) but in this case can't help wondering whether the nursery are making too much out of this. Not talking to them very much and hand-flapping don't really mean all that much by themselves.

It's always worth following it up if a potential problem has been flagged, but from what you've said I wouldn't be immediately thinking of autism.

It's good though that the staff are on the look-out for any potential issues.

Message withdrawn

Thank you, it amazes me how much support MN offers when you are in need. I could have googled for weeks to get this much good advice.
It sounds daft, but we had complained (mildly) a few months back that we didn't get enough feedback from nursery, and ever since we have been hearing detailed accounts of everything he does (mostly critical) so I'm not as positive about their motives as I would otherwise be. But that's by the by.

Just to say that HV is referring DS (via GP) to a community paediatrican for some further advice. HV has seen DS recently and did not seem to be worried. Will wait and see, thanks again for the support.

try not to panic, hand waving is one of those things that may well mean absolutely nothing! it may be that if he is a bit behind with his language then he might be finding nursery overwhelming (or it may not be the right nursery for him). was the speech therapist happy with your DS's understanding of language? just that if there is any receptive language delay that can have a knock on effect on behaviour and socialising.

Thanks Total. He understands loads more than he speaks (we have to spell out words we don't want him to catch, now).
Speech therapist said (just quoting letter) "all areas are emerging as following normal developmental patterns".
Am actively looking for a new nursery, (not because of this) although they have good points, can't ignore fact that he cries every day when he goes in. Poor wee sod.

well whilst speech therapists aren't qualified to diagnose/not diagnose ASD, I'ld see it as pretty encouraging that she is so positive about him. whether it's ASD or not, carry on playing, talking, laughing with him - all the good stuff that's helping him improve his language. ask if your area run Hanen courses (they are v. good FREE courses some SALT departments run, which help you help your child to communicate/talk) - some surestart centres run a potted version of a Hanen course, which is helpful but not as good as a SALT run one.

Thanks TC, haven't heard of those before but will start googling. I know a SALT through work, so can ask them about it too.