I emailed this in
Dear Matthew
I am writing with regards to the autism article
I have 2 children diagnosed with ASD and am halfway through the taught element of an MA in the subject; both my children are so called High Functioning. All that means is an IQ over 60 when tested. Asperger's is IQ over 100 without spoken language delays, HFA over 60 with language delays, classic autism spoken language delays and low IQ.
Can it be a blessing?
Well they are to me obviously! I adore them. But both children are so different
The younger has a high IQ so is defined as HFA but has a low functional ability nonetheless so has to attend a special unit, won't get married or likely have a job. he may not even ever be independent enough to shop alone.
Certainly anything but a blessing to a very loving child who would love to be a daddy one day.
My older child has Asperger's. Sometimes he is lovely, a joy then when he overloads he becomes very aggressive. He hates the constant bullying and feeling different. His IQ is high but as he has to learn in a large class he doesn't achieve anything like his capability. He needs constant supervision at school in unstructured scenarios, and may go to a specialist class at 11.
Something like 80% of people with Asperger's fail to establish themselves in a long term career and leave home for independence. That's anything but a boonus and whilst the younger won't quite grasp his differences, the older will totally and feels alienated and a problem to society. He is also in the system for eating disorder therapy at ten.
There are highs- my younger is adored as a playmate at school, and the older has potential but he probably won't reach it because there isn't the support needed for that: when around 1% of people have ASD (Nastional Autistic Society figures) it would need a massive funding input the country cannot afford to make that work.
Is autism a bonus to me as a parent? Well my boys are clearly but as a graduate who cannot work as a carer and spends her time at appointments, trying to modify behaviours, being hit, and attempting to build them a future not really. Children with Asperger's don't qualify in our area for Social Services support or respite so this is probably our life now until we die, as carers. Possibly with no days off at all once my parents get old.
And this believe me is the high functioning end. People with HFA / Aspergers can lead good full lives but only when the support is there and the person doesn';t have additional needs: people with autism often have ADHD, OCD, depression as well- all common co-morbids. It's very complex indeed.
I love my children but if having a legs removed would cure them tomorrow
i'll start the nil by mouth now, and I know my husband feels the same. Would I if I knew the elder had a guarantee of employment support at 18 and an occasional day off? Probably not. But that's not going to happen, sadly. And as welll as my husband and I struggling, and the elder (the younger is a teddy bear, happy and cheerufl- a dream) their other sibling also does. I am trying to set up a sibling support group because there's nothing else here for him, it's not ideal though.
And why email not phone? Because I have traits myself and a phone phobia. After a lifetime of being a bully magnet and being lonely- not a blessing. At all.
Thanks