How do you cope with the negative comments from others?

[kissyfurschaos]

D Hi everyone.
Sorry to be complaining again.
DS 2.8 is currently pushing other children over at nursery. He is awaiting an ed psch observation after acceptance of statutory assessment. Have been told at nursery by staff that different parents have complained about him. I am so upset. He is only two and all I seem to get is people saying negative things about him whether its shops, restaurants, coffee shops, public transport. I have cried my eyes out this evening. I have had enough. I am on my own with him and my parents who live quite close cant manage him due to their own ill health. I adore him but just dont know what to do. I try my best but it's just not enough Due to see community paed again in July/Aug. I know it can't be nice other children getting pushed over but I don't know what to do. Feel like never going out again but I have to work .

If the nursery want something done they can chase up the referal by saying it is urgent.

You can also (and do this in writing- always in writing) request a formal meeting with nursery to talk about the steps THEY have put in to deal with his behaviour and difficulties.

Do you have social services involved? If so but they aren't helping, you can give out business cards with their number on and tell people you agree that you need support and if they call ss you are more likely to get it.

You absolutely must not stop going out. Going out and doing normal things is vital for you and your ds. He can learn so much at this age, and although it is hard you'll just have to do it.

Finally, have you thought about requesting a statutory assessment? It can often get things moving quick smart!

Sorry you are having such a rough time, I think the parents complaining are being overly precious, some 2 year olds whether SN or NT go through hitting/biting/aggressive phases. my DS's NT friend used to hit and scratch him (and other children) at that age, it's obviously not nice behaviour, but what young kids do.

agree with AngryWasp that you can bounce it back on nursery - you can't control your DS's behaviour when he's not there, that's their job! even if their senco isn't too knowledgable they should be talking to LEA inclusion/early years people about how best to support your DS.

also agree about asking for a quicker appointment with paed - some areas may see you if you indicate you are willing to take a cancellation space at short notice.

DS did this when he regressed with ASD. The nursery had to give him 1:1 which solved the problem. The LA have funding streams the nursery could access outside stat assessment (ie you can get in meantime). Ask the SEN Officer to tell you in writing what funding they offer at early years action plus. If its a nursery attached to a school they will have their own SEN budget and should put 1:1 in straightaway. If private or voluntary nursery the LA should have funding they can release. The nursery should have at least some delegated funding from LA already and you should be telling them to use this for 1:1 now not wait for the stat assessment. If parents say anything tell them you have asked for your child to have 1:1 and they need to take it up with the nursery why this hasn't yet been put in place. Also ask the nursery to write down what happened before he pushed to see if a pattern eg DS had to eat lunch on his own as he didn't like to sit with the other children and then gradually we have built up tolerance so he can now sit with the others again. Also is there a quiet room he can go to for parts of the session etc. You might be able to avoid flash points.

Feel at nursery for telling you about complaints. Mine used to hide it from me it was only when I read the ed psych report I found out about it!

Its for the nursery to ensure all children are safe and put in 1:1. If they aren't doing it they are at fault.

Hassle the Paed for an appointment before July/August. Pead's have a lot of weight re: diagnosis / reports / with the LEA. Phone and ask to speak to him/her. Leave a message if he/she is unavailable (they always are) and call back. Follow up calls with emails (I googled my Paed's name until I found her email address ). CC the nursery and your comtact at the LEA (should be an Advocacy and Monitoring Officer involved if you are having a Stat Assessment done) in on your emails so that Paed / Paed's secretary can see that other professionals involved. Say that the situation has reached crisis point and you are urging her to bring forward your appointment. Ask to be put on a cancellation list. Hassle, hassle, hassle.

When is the Ed Psych coming in, btw?

Really feel for you, btw. My DS was like this at that age and it was exhausting and soul destroying to have others constantly criticise my son (and my parenting).

Thanks for the replies.
Have had statutory assessment form agreed by the 'panel.' Am awaiting Ed Psych now but noone seems to give any answers as to how long it takes.
Am feeling slighhtly better now that DS is asleep as he was particuarly (sp?) wearing tonight, plus his violent father who is not allowed to contact me in any form after threatening to kill last year.
Just wish it wasnt always such a battle I know DS is hard work but he is my baby and i'm sick and tired of people critising him (and me!.)
I will chase Community Paed in the morning.
Nursery have tried different strategies and are logging to look for 'triggers.'

You've had a 'form' agreed by a panel? Wassat all about? Sounds dodgy to me.

Go to IPSEA, get their model letter and apply for a statutory assessment. Tis the legal way, tis the only way.

hth

My ds1 used to scratch children at nursery and of course parents complained, and nursery told me, and I felt devastated. But now I feel furious that they told me -- what was I supposed to do, walk up to the other parent and say please forgive my child and me? It is absolutely up to them to handle the complaints and they should not be passing them onto you because there is nothing in your parenting that is making this happen.

Recently ds2 was scratched by a child with an ASD at the same nursery -- staff told me about the incident, said ds2 coped very well (and so he should, enough experience of it at home), how did I feel about it. I said, well, I am sure you are dealing with the behaviour appropriately and so the matter ends there. At least I have learned from what happened to me not to throw it onto others.

Anyway, it is totally, totally out of for you to be criticised because of your ds, and I absolutely agree it is nursery's issue to deal with, not yours. They have the duty of care while he is there.