Not again! 3rd child with possible difficulties

[wasuup3000]

Conversation at pre school about my youngest

Doesnt communicate at pre school
Seems in his own World
Fidgets at story time
Lacks concentration
Flits from one activity to the next-prefers physical activities
Has to have things explained to him more than once
Doesn't seem to listen
Plays alongside other children not with

How old is he wasuup (It's Peachy btw, not a random pinko)

It must be hard not to worry but what do you think ? I think nurseries sometimes over interpret if they know a sibling has SN. You seem in the home setting, what is he like there ?

see him ! not seem

CS is right

plus there are multitudinous levels of SEN

DS2 for example has some sen but frankly, if I ahdn't had the otehr 2 i'd have probably thought he was a bit on the clumsy adn active side: it might throw up a few obstacles but it won't prevent anything he really wants to do

Every time ds4 is a bit shy or ignores someone you can see the alarm bells ringing in thosde who only know his brothers. It's as if tehy decidded years ago

But you know- it never hurts to get your name on the waiting list for a check over, best caught early if tehre is anything and mind at rest if not

Well he does seem to like a lot of adult attention and is active-runs everywhere not walks. He is impulsive, loses his temper quickly can bite,lash out. I would say he was imaginative with the toys he plays with makes appropriate sounds ect. He does do the toe walking thing, sits in the w position, though and seem to walk into things regularly. Has had an obsession with baby dolls. We can't let him have any of his toys in the car because he wound down the window when we were on a dual carriage way once and threw some of them out of the window...
He talks fine at home but does seem to clam up at parties.
He is the youngest in his pre school setting, though so it could be a bit of that as well. He is 3 and starts school in September.

Pre school are going to formally observe him and ask their SEN officer what she thinks when she comes in. They are going to help him on early action with his concentration and communication.

It could be that he has sibling-of-sn-children syndrome and thats why he likes the atention

He sounds a bit like ds2 though- not exactly SN but a touch of SEN, very borderline. I think he's probably the lightest end of the spectrum and has a dash of communication stuff (speech was unclear until about 6 but developed OK otehr than that) and very active / floopt y but nothing majoy IYSWIM

The imaginative stuff- does he do substitutive play (say, putting a box on his head and being a soldier etc) as that's mroe than an indicator of issues tbh than making sounds for toys.

And what about triadic pointing? (looks at object ebing pointed at, then to you, then aat object again)?

wasuup that is worrying for you but just try to see where they go with it and try not to read too much into it at the moment.

I know that my little one gets the rough end of the stick with attention sometimes and so ends up being quite ridiculously demanding about crazy things. He can also be incredibly shy when meeting new people. He can also be a bit routine based and scream to get his own way. I'm sure he picks some things up from DS1.

But I can feel there is a real difference in the quality of his interactions and in his play with other children.

It is worrying, but just keep an open mind. He is still young. These things are often still within the age appropriate boundaries at this age so too much shouldn't be read into yet.

He is not so big on the pointing but loves a cardboard box-makes it into a house ect.

If hes on my knee and one of the other siblings comes over he has 3-he will try and push them off. I do think that the sibling-of-sn-children is a factor.

His eldest sister has NVLD and Selective Mutism-so it is the possibility of the Selective Mutism that is maybe a little concerning.

He communicates well with me at home and has conversations. We can't have a to and fro conversation with his older brother who is being assessed for ASD.

He is still very young and I think being the youngest in the setting may present its own difficulties sometimes to.

I agree debs I just feel a bit oh no not again can't I have made just one child who people didn't have concerns with. Even the more able of the siblings has slight difficulties with dyspraxia issues.

Oh I know that feeling well, tis like a slap in the face only much, much harder.

And then theres going through the seeing the professionals again if it is anything again-its becoming a full time occupation!

Gosh I sound like a right moaner-sorry everyone.

Agree with the others. You are probably in the best position to do the real assessment, and your parenting strategies are probably pretty good so you won't need the level of input you originally needed any way.

For the record, I am of the impression that once you have ONE SN child your family seems to be owned by the authorities who tend to then take a very unhealthy interest in the other children. I had to take my PERFECTLY HEALTHY dd for weighing every couple of weeks because she was little. I was blackmailed into it under CP threat. They 'had concerns'. I had none. Trust your instincts.

I'm sorry there is the potential for your 3rd child though. It must be very worried and draining to think about it.

You sound reasonable Wasuup, and indeed we have taken teh dsecision not to put ds2 through the system becuase we're still so submerged in it with ds1 / 2

AW is right as well: I've been pushed into all sorts opf things with the boys- from weighing laods (vene though apeds diagnosed slow frowth for genetics with the other three so slow growth was in fact no shocker) to being refused treatment for a foot problem unless I comply and give up BF ds4; there seems to be a sense of wonership after a sn dx

But of course our genetics do influence things too, and I guess that is what they are watching but nonetheless- it's horrible and you have to go at your own pace

(And I know I might get hung by the equality lot ehre and thats not what I mean at all, but take another look at your list- cut off 1/2 and youa re IME describing a fairly typically develloping active boy there. Parallel play often persists until 3 / 4, as well

Its whether the first two flag up biggies for you

Hmmm-Well he does converse with us but not at parties from our experience or in pre school and I guess if hes not speaking in the setting it could appear that he was in his own world.
I am just going to wait and see what the pre school come back to me with in a couple of weeks. They know how I have struggled and the time it has taken to get support for his older brother at primary school so want to instigate the support now to help us, so we don't have the same struggles this time around "if" there is a problem.
I think I got my youngest weighed once by the HV clinic after he was born. They kept looking at each and starting saying "hes a bit small for his age ..." Had to remind them that he was 5lb born and was breast fed-they seemed unable to read the notes in front of them!! Kind off put me off taking him back.

I gave up on weighing clinics: ds1 was born December 1999 at 5lb 5oz; when his weight satyrted to plummet on BF noboy woudl come out as theyw ere all off for the millenium, it hit under 4.5lbs and in teh end we gave in, tracked down a hypoallergenic formula, persuaded the chemist to sell it to us then he thrived

Hd I left it to them I suspect he wouldnt be here

Do you know any of the other parents and could meet up with children outside preschool on small group / 1:1 basis and see if that helps? Sometimes it can just be a shyness in a group thing. If you could see him play 1:1 with child same age that would probably tell you a lot. Or could they buddy him up with a particular child eg to build a model with or something where he has to interact with other child.

Agree about the over dx thing. My son's teacher tried to tell me as DS2 is quiet in class and found it hard to grasp a maths concept they wondered if he too might have ASD (like his brother). Outside the classroom DS2 is one of the most popular children - he's never short of play invitations. Its just school he finds boring.

Play dates are difficult at the moment as I am transport for my daughters present setting which is an hours round drive every afternoon. She only does afternoons and then theres the other children to sort out too.

Had some more feedback. Son is mostly on age 2-3 in EYFS not 3-4 which is what most children due to start school in Sept are on. He is easily distracted and has poor attention which is also impacting on his friendships as he doesn't sit still long enough to make any. They are monitoring and trying to get him to stick to a task for a few minutes and will be asking the EP their opinion.

wasup, nursery told us to get DD checked at 2 years because she cried a lot at the nursery and she was too advanced for other kids there (reading, drawing etc). She was teething at the moment and did not like the nursery. Because they were aware of DS's asd, they said it so blatantly that it really upset us and put us through the heartache of getting her checked by a psychiatrist. She has just turned 3 and this morning saw DS's attempt to draw a picture of an elephant and said 'very excellent picture DS'!!!! Honestly sometimes I just think why are people so judgmental? Isn't it bad enough that they have one child with SN to worry about?