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Original poster

any tips on growing that thick skin?

27 replies

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 12:29

Just had a rotten drop off at nursery due to stroppy comments from a certain cats-bum mouth woman I have posted about before and then a tactless inviting of another child to a birthday party in front of me and DD, in a TINY little room.

Got out and burst into tears. How can I stop being such a wimp?

OP posts:
claw3 · 23/04/2010 13:02

Sorry to hear you are having such a crap day. Its ok to have a few tears from time to time, clears the system and reminds us that we are not SEN robots!

Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 13:07

I am just quite low at the moment, as DD was doing really well and so I wasnt worrying about what her diagnosis would be (still no results since March 10) then she has had a really bad few days this week so I am really stressing about it again.

Have just decided to ignore this woman, her DD will be leaving in Sept anyway, although i think her other DD will start next year at some point.

Am actually feeling more annoyed at her now, I was wondering if I was over-sensitive but now I realise she really was obnoxious so I am

OP posts:
ouryve · 23/04/2010 13:15

Stuff her. Seriously. It's her problem if she failed Basic Good Manners 101. If she objects that strongly to your DD even setting foot in the circles in which she moves, she needs to find some new circles bgt aaz z\ .

ouryve · 23/04/2010 13:16

Sorry - small contribution from DS2 there!

Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 13:19

Actually I worded that wrongly..SHE made stroppy comments, left the room and then another parent came in did the inviting of another child to a party in front of us..we are clearly not flavour of the month in this nursery! (except with the staff who are really friendly to me!!)

Your DS does the same as my DD if i am on here!!!

OP posts:
meltedmarsbars · 23/04/2010 13:51

It does come with time, it really does. And some days comments that you might brush off on a good day can really hurt.

Its not you, its them, iykwim.

Its taken me 8 years, I reckon my skin is pretty thick now

claw3 · 23/04/2010 13:52

Fanjo, i have the opposite problem parents are friendly enough, its the staff who are unfriendly to me!

Sod them all i say!

Dont let the small minded people spoil what is left of your day.

Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 13:58

claw, that must be hard too!

I think i will go around with my head down and not look at any of them for the next 8 years

OP posts:
buttons99 · 23/04/2010 14:07

Do the opposite....walk round with your head held high.....if you can.

eatyourveg · 23/04/2010 14:15

The nursery years are the first formal socialising time and it is hard. It is the time where you tend to find out who is the salt of the earth and who is not worth a penny.
The former will be your friends for many many years and take you and yours just as you are,even though your kids may end up going in separate directions come school age you will stay in contact and they will be at the end of the phone line during the crappy times and turn up with chocolates and wine when something good happens no matter how small it seems to the outside world.
Then there are the "there there - how on earth do you cope?" crowd who like to be seen as holier than thou and want to make you their charity case. I tended to just smile at these women and curse them under my breath afterwards as I've no doubt they did me.
Then there are the insecure, wannabees who want to spend their lives living in a certain box with no desire to widen their horizons. Your woman sounds as if she belongs in this group. Very damaging for the offspring who will tend to end up bullying other children.
It is tough and you may perceive yourself as having less people to talk to at the school gate but those who do stop and hold out the hand of friendship will be truer friends than you might otherwise have never known.
Don't write them all off yet,

claw3 · 23/04/2010 14:32

Fanjo, dont you dare hold your head down! You shouldnt have to develop a thick skin, they should develop some manners.

Perhaps we need to give you a crash course in smart arse, stop them in their tracks replies

I attended a parents association meeting at the school after they invite parents to join and raise funds.

Head Teacher sat there being her usual hostile self and then made a remark in my direction about 'the school isnt one of these special needs school, where they have all the funding and equipment they need' (i had previously asked for more help and equipment for ds)

My suggestion for raising funds 'Head teacher in stocks, so we could throw wet sponges at her'! I also commented about 'we would make a fortune' Meow, 2 can play at that game!

herjazz · 23/04/2010 15:09

agree it gets easier. My worst memories now are of mother and baby / toddler groups

and bear in mind some people are just turds anyway. You prolly found this woman just as vile pre diagnosis

sorry you had a cack day. Think we all still have times like that, no matter how thick and crusty our skins

Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 15:52

Haven't met anyone yet who is aware of DDs problems and is being friendly...well not at nursery anyway! My existing friends have been great though.

i think the problem might be that her problems aren't IMMEDIATELY obvious (although she is 3.6 and can't speak or climb stairs) so people think I am just a bad mother who is letting her run wild.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 15:53

claw ..i wish you could swap for my Head Teacher, she is the most amazing, kind, understanding and helpful person I ever met, when I was telling her about DDs tests her eyes filled up.

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waitingforgodot · 23/04/2010 17:37

Hey Fanjo,
I remember you talking about that woman before. Just ignore the wee witch. I am amazed at people like that however she is clearly very insecure.

Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 17:53

I know. It was just mainly a pointed remark to her DD to hold onto her drink or it would be "flung around" ie by my DD, but it was just unnecessary to make it.

Was another parent who invited other child and not DD to party, I think he was just being tactless, who knows.

Am trying to forget about it and just enjoy the weekend anyway.

OP posts:
waitingforgodot · 23/04/2010 18:01

Have a nice weekend.
You got any more appointments lined up for DD?

Pronoia · 23/04/2010 18:06

How about a loud and pointed conversation with the teacher - in earshot of the parents- about how "Some of the parents her really make us feel unwelcome, as if they enjoy picking on children who have disabilities..."

Pronoia · 23/04/2010 18:08

or just say to her in front of a lot of the other mothers (and don't be so sure they ALL agree with her) "DD has learning difficulties, why do YOU behave so badly?"

onlyjoking9329 · 23/04/2010 18:15

i've found its best to never leave home without hard hat and teflon overcoat
it doesn't bother me now my 3 are older, i found nursery/toddler groups hardest.

partys are alwys dificult, my three go to a SN school and they have parties and invite the class, my kids dont often get invited to arties thou.
tomorrow is Elliots 13th birthdy party, we have 10 kids with various shades of autism coming.

Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 18:22

waitingforgodot - no, still waiting for appointment for results.

Pronoia - I think the teacher might be aware of the attitudes, as she once said to me "children are very understanding of children with additional needs, which is more than can be said of some parents"

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2010 18:26

onlyjoking - I'm glad it gets easier. My DD couldn't care less about the parties tbh, I just wish they'd do the leaving out a bit more secretly!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/04/2010 08:03

couldn't sleep as I woke up thinking about the stupid incident.

OP posts:
eatyourveg · 24/04/2010 08:23

just had another thought, when it comes to looking at primary schools. go to as many as possible, never too early to start searching for the right place. Put your cards on the table and watch for the reaction. You may be suprised at who is the most welcoming. What makes a school a good school has nothing to do with results when it comes to SEN. Its all about attitude. I'd rather my kids be at a second rate school where the teachers wanted each and every child to fulfill their potential no matter what that was, than be in a school where league tables or winning the district sports cup for the nth year or getting most kids into the local indie on scholarships was the Heads priority.

Al1son · 24/04/2010 08:38

Same here. My DDs have never really enjoyed parties but it would be nice if people at least tried to be subtle about leaving your child out wouldn't it?

There are 4 girls in DD2's class and one of the mums has just posted on facebook about what a lovely birthday party her daughter had with her friends. She knew I would read it and that DD2 had invited her daughter to her last party so why be so in my face about it?

Sorry to hear you couldn't sleep. It doesn't matter how much you tell yourself not to care, it still hurts like hell when you and your child are treated like that. I just have to tell myself that I'll be angry and upset for a few days and then I'll be able to move on.

Imagining revenge often helps too even if I would never dream of actually doing anything. What would you do if you could?