DS2 bit another child today

[sphil]

Sorry - I seem to be clogging up this board a bit atm!

DS2 has definitely found his 'angry voice' recently and has squeezed our arms and pushed his mouth against our cheeks a few times, but this is the first time it's ever been directed against someone outside the family. It was at the end of school;the TA had turned round to pack his bag and didn't see what led up to it. The girl he bit is his 'best friend' - she's lovely with him but tends to the maternally bossy at times and doesn't always read DS2's 'give me space' signals. It could have been this that triggered it, or the fact that our respite worker was picking him up and I'd forgotten to tell him (for the first time). The biting incident happened just after he was told she was getting him, not me.

So, how do we handle this one then? The Mum was lovely about it apparently and I'll see her and apologise tomorrow. DS2 has also said 'sorry' by which I mean he repeated the word after his TA, but I think it's important for the other children that he did so. But how can I teach DS2 to express his anger appropriately, when he has a limited single word vocab and doesn't use it creatively - by which I mean he can't just summon up a word or phrase spontaneously, it has to be taught?

Oh God - I realise I haven't expressed a word of sympathy for the poor girl. But of course I feel terrible that DS2 hurt her.

I don't think you can teach him that it hurts etc. I think you have to just teach him that if he does it he will get in trouble - ie there will be a consequence that he doesn't like. If ds1 is physical I just make him sit down for a certain length of time (not long - 20 seconds or so- but he usually doesn't want to sit). This also calms him means he can't reach anyone to hurt them.

I BET it was because he found out the respite worker was picking him up. It's sudden things like that which make ds1 lash out.

That's a good idea but I'm struggling to think of something that would work. All the things he dislikes (loud noises, water on face etc) wouldn't be appropriate as a consequence. He doesn't mind sitting down.

He's been fine today and there was no mark on the girl's face. My feeling is that it was less of a bite than a pressing of the mouth/teeth against the face - still scary fro his friend though. Apparently she's still prepared to play with him though .

School use a red spot/green spot system on chairs with ds1 when he is getting a bit too much. Red spotted chair basically signifies 'naughty' -apparently he now takes himself off and sits himself on there when he has misbehaved

Ds1 doesn't hate sitting on a chair. It's not aversive to him as such but it signifies that he is being 'too much' and also gives him space to calm down. And if he wants to do something else like leap around crazily it gets in the way of that. I used it today because he was very hyper and kept repeatedly leaning into me and pinning my neck back. Sitting him down signified to him that he was being too physical and also gave me a chance to breathe.

Does ds2 like being

whoops meant to delete last line. Glad his friend hasn't held it against him!

Because it only happens v. occasionally atm it's hard to predict and establish a consistent reaction and consequence. The only thing I've done is to give him a cushion to squeeze instead of a person. But I have to admit I have been Ietting him squeeze me when he's angry (arms or legs, not face) - he doesn't do it very hard and it doesn't hurt at all. I just stand/sit there and say ' DS2 is very angry' and he shouts 'ANGRY!' a few times and then lets go. But I'm wondering if I'm wrong to do that, as he'll think it can do it to anyone, and it's obviously going to scare a child.

I've never found redirecting to cushions and things to work but it might do if you can get in there fast enough.

I wouldn't let him squeeze you when angry but I might do at other times. Although beware children who squeeze get big and strong - one of our biggest current problems is that ds1 is squeezing and pushing me - all loving but sensory seeking behaviour but he has almost toppled me bakwards with my neck extended backwards a few times now - if I go I could end up really quite hurt so I am currently trying to reduce the behaviour.

Is it squeezing that helps him dissipate any frustration? What about a stress ball?