Son diagnosed with Asperger's yesterday :(

[slug64]

Hi all,

Been putting off joining things like this until we knew for sure, really knew, although we knew already, of course!

My 6 1/2yr old DS has just completed the multi-disciplinary thingy, and our final meeting was yesterday. I'm devastated, and also happy! how can that be?!

We always knew something was very different with him, and in baby groups would always be saying 'but he's doing this, like this' and Mums would continually try to make you feel better by reassuring you 'oh, they all do that'. I know people try to help, but it just made me feel isolated and worse, as if I couldn't trust my own instincts. I also think I found it hard to explain the nature of the problem, it wasn't that he had tantrums, or liked Thomas the tank engine. He would give good eye contact (when he was speaking) etc, was very good at talking etc, it was the connection to me. There was none. Of course he needed me, if he saw a bit of flesh (like I bent over and my back showed) he would attach his mouth to me like a limpet and knock me flying unexpectedly, but there was no twinkle. I have since had a little girl. She is a little friend, we have an unspoken bond. I KNOW what's missing with my son now.

Anyway. That part of me is so relieved, that bit of me was terrified that they would say there wasn't enough evidence and that they might keep an eye, or that it wasn't significant or something. That instinct bit of me was provided right. Ha ha good for me.

So, they did agree with us, so now the thing we have been talking about for years is real. I just don't know what to do with myself.

Don't get me wrong, there are lots of positives, he is very high functioning, with a high IQ, did really well on the speech stuff (99, 95 and 98 percentile). He doesn't seem to have any physical problems or balance/coordination issues. It could be much much more severe. And, of course, he's exactly the same boy he was on Tuesday!

It's still devastating.

I'm glad I dipped in today, I'm sure I will be back often, you all seem to be really supportive and know what you are talking about!

Hello Slug

first of all a great big . I ahve two boys with spectrum disorder (0one AS, one autism) adn know that the first few months post-dx are ahrd even if you knew, so do be kind to yoursleves and allow lots of adjustment time.

He sounds as if he has a lot gpoing for him, ds1 has smilar speech ability (different tests but rated 16 - 21 at age 6) and I can tell you it has been a bonus: he does truggle with communication (ds1 is atypical though) but the langauge ability has really ehlped and atm he wants to be an author and loves writng. Not a bad thing at all.

, you know where we are and I assume you ahve located the NAs by now?

Thanks Clarissimo! I needed those hugs

Can you tell me what NAs are? still struggling with all this lingo!

me again!

Should have said, am about the order a Tony Attwood book, there seem to be 3 that look similar - which would you recommend, and which other books are good?

Thanks in advance.

NAS- national autistic society

TYony Attwood- will go find which one we have and link to it for you, is well regarded at Uni.

here you go

this and this also useful

great, thanks. added to my amazon wish list.

Have a very large virtual cuppa.

Clarissimo's advice is very good, as ever.

I'm on the autism spectrum (er, as is the rest of my family). So are a fair few other mums here. Got mine all the way to age 17 so have a reasonable idea what may be ahead of you...
Don't hesitate to ask stuff.

just want to apologise - you've posted on a thread I'd started and I've sent a long wittery theoretical reply - without thinking how raw it was - and now have seen this - anyway, you'll have more important things to do than worry about my posts and, again, I'm glad that you felt they understood you and your boy. That is such a key thing.

Hello slug 64

My little boy Finn was diagnosed as on the autistic spec just 2 weeks ago - pretty horrific even if we were half expecting it.

I met a mum at the week-end for lunch whose boy is now 19 and was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 7. He's doing fantastic, started uni, has lots of friends, has a super bond with his mum - all very positive stuff. From where I am and I'm sure for you too, it is so important to hear stories like that.

Having good speech is a major thing - from what I gather, so that is really really good.

Still worried about my little man - he's just 5 and his speech is a little stiff and rigid. I hope everything will be ok.

Take care m x

Just to echo what Clarissimo and the others have said, the time just after the dx is a very hard time even if you've been hoping for it. It's normal to feel down and fearful and tearful (alot!) and as everyone has said, do be kind to yourself. So to the hugs and cuppas, I'll add a glass of wine and box of chocolates.

I read right through Tony Attwood just after my boy was dx about 18 months ago now and found it mind-expanding but almost too much to take in. I'll probably go back to it again now I feel like I'm better able to make sense of it all.

The thing I have found is that my understanding of my lovely boy gets deeper all the time and I expect I'll always be on that learning curve -- and that love and empathy is the best thing I can give him.

Anyway your son sounds like he has loads going for him, and also he has you, lucky boy.