Upset by my usually fab OT

[debs40]

Right, now, I am trying not to get too worked up and silly about this as our OT has been very helpful and supportive to date. But we had a session today and she went through all DS's problems areas (we have been seeing her since before xmas so she knows him quite well).

She then made a comment about last time we saw her. He had got wet on his sock and started screaming as we were about to leave. I whipped shoe and sock off and gave him a piggy back, thus defusing the situation and calming him down. She has someone with her so I didn't want it to escalate and I know what DS is like about socks etc.

Anyway, she mentioned that she thought I might be giving rewards for this behaviour by offering a piggy back. I completely agree that some of these sensory issues become worse because they develop into routine based avoidance issues but how are we supposed to know how to deal with this as parents without help?

I got a bit upset, not defensive, I accepted that these things can be behaviour related i.e. they do things to get a result but they might start off genuinely enough. However, on this occasion DS was not looking for a piggy back, he just wanted his sock off and I wanted him not to scream. Mission accomplished I thought.

Feeling like no one understands now - sorry for myself sob particularly as we discussed the options for obtaining an alternative ASD diagnosis out of the area and she said 'no one pays any attention to private reports as it just means you have bought the dx' I despair!

I'm sorry you're upset. It's so hard when you know that someone's misinterpreted you and you can't convince them of it!

I agree about the private dx though, unfortunately. I would keep pushing on the NHS one.

I was going to keep the NHS one going anyway but try and get something else

debs she isn't entirely right about the dx. What it buys you is a short cut through the statement process (because SENDIST DO take notice of private dx so they have to play by SENDIST rules). It also buys you a guarantee that when you get your NHS one they won't faff around fobbing you off. They will simply confirm it because they have no option other than too (i.e. the won't stick you on another waiting list for another assessment centre etc.)

And, you OT is just being insensitive with what she has learned. Try walking a day in your shoes I say, when she has to deal with improving the child's behaviour on the one level and living in civilised society on the other, which are often not entirely compatable. You are doing the best you can and there are times when a packet of chocolate buttons to surpress bad behaviour is the only option.

Try not to take it personally. She has gone back to her lovely designer flat where she is preparing a night out with friends and a relative lie in tomorrow morning. She has the books, but she really knows nothing about your life.

Thanks Angry, that helps!

She has no kids and it was on the tip of my tongue to point this out but she tries really hard to be helpful generally. She did apologise and say she shouldn't have said anything but I said she should say it if she thinks it and I think she was trying to help .

I suppose she has a point in some siutations but we do the best we can and find out what works ourselves don't we?

Thanks for the tip on SENDIST etc. I think it is perfectly legitimate to do it for your own reassurance and help with SEN matters as you really can't rely on anyone else

debs, I worried about exactly the same thing the other day when I gave my ds a foot massage while in meltdown and thumping me (had just discoverd this as something he likes). Usually I cannot touch or speak to him for however long the meltdown lasts, but this diffused the situation entirely. It felt like a miracle but I haven't done it since because I don't want to 'reward' the thumping. I mentioned it to our OT and she seemed to think it was OK ... so i know how confusing it is.

I know. I think people make it up as they go along so if you say 'I make X do this which he hates and he screams and screams' they would say, it is a sensory problem, don't force it. Then, if you say 'X does this because of sensory problems' they say, don't just reward the behaviour by giving them what they want.

It makes you question your own instinct which is hard because it is the only thing that gets you through most of the time.

Our instinct is all we have, half the time, because access to someone who a) understands the issues b) understands your child and c) listens is limited!

I am sure you know your ds best and you sound like an intelligent person who can do the rational review of what you do and what works when necessary - you therefore shouldn't let someone make you feel shit about what you do.

Re; dx - if money is no issue, I guess it's worth going for.

debs40,You are his Mum,
You know him best, She has no right to make you doubt yourself and is undermining your confidence as a parent. Could you ring her up and tell her how she has made you feel?.

Thanks. I emailed her today and told her that I was following my instinct and that it had worked so far and asked if she had any alternative strategies. If I had not removed his socks and picked him up, he would have screamed the place down and we know there is no going back then . I thought I was eing a rather smart mum actually as I turned a potential meltdown into a bit of fun.

I suppose it is just a bit of an annoyance to see that this can be seen in a totally different light by someone you thought understood.

DS gets really silly when he is with her - all baby voice and lolling around. I think she thinks he is playing up but I think it is embarrassment.

Also, I have been given no strategies so far for dealing with sensory overresponsiveness to things like smells, being splashed with water etc, food problems. Would you not expect to be supplied with some ideas about this??

No debs. I don't expect anything anymore without a huge fight!

Ideally suited to a career in the law then!

I'm sorry it is you again and you're having such a rubbish time. I personally think you found a fab solution to the problem and demonstrated very good parenting skills and that you were in tune with your child.