if you have 2 with ASD did you doubt yourself the second time??

[lisad123wantsherquoteinDM]

DD2 has been referred for a CDAC appointment because HV was concerned about her behaviours.
I just dont know what I think, its hard when people are telling me she's fine and im looking for things.

She has echolalia, hand flapping and fleeting eye contact. She does play with things like tea sets and dollies, but only limited to using them for what they are meant to be and doesnt extend play. She spins in circles, and hair flicks (moving her head side to side to get hair to flick into face) and has certain code words for things. She doesnt say "I" but often yourself to herself as Jazzy, she also doesnt reconize herself in the mirror, but will put to herself and say "thats you" (we say that to her).
She is happy, smiley and i just dont know if im getting it right.

is this normal feeling?

We had no idea dd2 was on the spectrum even though dd1 already had a dx, i was really shocked when our GP suggested a refferal to pead. We assumed her speech was delayed due to her sister talking for her. Once it was pointed out to us it was really obvious that she was on the spectrum (hand flapping, covering ears, no speech etc..). Both the dd's are very different from each other (very different traits).

see thats it, DD1 has very different traits to DD2 and there is 5 years between them. I was certain DD2 was fine, but then she hit 2 and all change. HV picked up the isolated play and mirror thing and nursery nurse noted hand flapping and fleeting eye contact.

It might be useful to think more about what she is not doing rather than what she is doing. If she is not communicating verbally or non verbally in the normal range for her age, it's more of a concern than hand flapping, spinning etc. DS2 does a lot of similar things to DS1 but they are/were only ever add ons to normal NT behaviour.

Oh - I don't have 2 ! unless I can count the cat

communication wise she is worst than DD1, both have very good language (spoken) anyways. She does tend to take your hand if she wants something in other room and will ask for help but cant tell you what she wants help with iyswim.

yues, even though ds3 is markedly more severe- SNU place, lifetime care etc

And school has told us ds3 has borderline dyspraxia, I can see adhd (OT n know says DCD and she's a Uni course leader OT so trust her) but school won't do the refer stage as they say borderline isn't enough for that.

I can't see he is borderline tbh, my friend is a TA and says no chance, can't even stay still 3 seconds or so!

Am waiting for Psych adn PAed advice on whether to get referral as am scared I am over paranoid and that I will be thought of as a loon.

DS4 has a few asd-ish traits- actually mroe OCD if I think about it (MIL has severe OCD) but good speech / people skills so could go either way. I have asked CM (who ahs asd child herself) to tell me if he needs seeing at any stage as I am scared of my own judgement

Leonie- my dd's sensory issues are different, dd1 avoids, dd2 seeks. One dd is very verbal one was non-verbal until a few months ago.

Its hard isn't it? Once you have one child on the spectrum you are going to question weather your other dc's are showing traits but if you look at any child you will find some autistic traits (i can see autistic traits in most children that i come into contact in), so when does it become a problem?

Dd2 got a early dx because her sister was on the spectrum and although it is clear she is on the spectrum i don't think she's as bad as we first thought and in the past year has caught up so much (she's still behind with speech and communication but has reached her milestones in all over areas).

I think you need to go with your gut, you know your child best.

18 months is still young and in the normal range for verbal langauge. I don't really know what the range is other than that I hate people who keep saying 'Oh they talk in the end you know.' so it's important to know that actually that's not true and there are times when concern is needed. I have 2 friends with 18 month old girls. I don't think it's right for me to ask if they can talk yet but I have not heard them speak yet but they are very communicative and 'normal'.

tbh its best to get started early if any doubt, as waiting lists are long and early dx is helpful