Buggy or walk? please help with my dilemma...

[Fel1x]

I am posting this in both chat and special needs sections as I think there may be some different views in the different sections and not sure which is more appropriate.

DS1 is 4.5yrs old. He has Aspergers (not officially diagnosed, but verbally diagnosed and official diagnosis will be soonish).
I am having a dilemma over him walking/being in a buggy when we are out and about.

Up until a few months ago he was very bad at running off and nothing could stop his impulses to just dash off at no notice. If going somewhere busy/unfamiliar I always put him and younger DS2 in a double buggy to ensure he was safe. When DH with us at weekends we let DS1 walk a bit more when out as a bit easier with 2 people to dash after him if required.
DS1 does get plenty of exercise elsewhere. He is very active. We go on woods walks/soft play/park etc often and DS1 has loads of energy and is very physical.

Lately as DS1 has got slightly better at dashing off less often it has co incided with the double buggy just being too small now. DS1 is a tall 4.yr old and just doesnt fit in it anymore! I have given it away to my sister who is having another baby.

Now the problem is that although DS1 runs off less, he is very opposed to walking! He will come along reasonably happy on familiar walks or short distances if he rides his scooter. Longer distances even with the scooter he will often tantrum and refuse to walk any further at several points along the way. He just wants to be in a buggy.

I am torn between feeling that he is being lazy and its a bad habit to give into and that I should stick it out, or thinking that he feels more secure in the buggy, its part of his Aspergers and I should allow him to feel comfortable when he needs to (making sure he gets enough physical excercise elsewhere)
DH thinks its more laziness than anything else, but is happy for me to get a SN buggy as I do 90% of the childcare and he doesnt want my week to be full of tantrums and stress unecessarily.

I am unsure what to do!! Today for example, we are going to a craft session at a museum the other side of town and then meeting friends for lunch. It is a 30 min walk for me each way. Probably 45 mins for Ds1. I have thought long and hard about it and we are now going by car, parking in town (and paying a fortune for it!!) because I dont think it would be a good idea for DS1 to ride his scooter through town and it will be an absolute nightmare to get him to walk there without it. I could cope with getting there probably but not the way back (as DS2 will fall asleep in his buggy so no option to get him out to walk and put DS1 in buggy if at a standstill!)

Am I encouraging him to be lazy? CAN 4 year olds be so lazy they really want to sit in a buggy rather than walk? Am I being lazy by not perservering with the tantrums and making him walk? Or should I get SN double buggy and allow him to do what he feels comfortable with right now in the hope that he will WANT to not be in a buggy once he starts school etc? (he doesnt have that social awareness right now to care what other children will think)

What do you think???

I'm interested to see answers! I have a seat buggy board for 4 year old DS1, and I don't actually believe it is just laziness.

I am also interested to see - DD1 is currently swinging from escapism to passivity unpredictably.

I have childminded a very active NT four year old who simply didn't like walking and insisted that his parents used a buggy for the shortest walk. He soon realised that it wouldn't work with me and began to enjoy walks to and from school.So it is possible for it to be about laziness.

However I can also imagine that the world is a very scary place from the point of view of a 4 year old with ASD in a town centre and that sitting in a buggy could feel a lot safer. Even in quieter places he knows he can't be tempted to run off and get lost for a start.

What is your own gut feeling about it?
Is it worth having conflict about it?
Would having to get through the tantrums stop you doing things you want or need to do?
Would the tantrums on the way stop him enjoying the activity when you got there?

I would try to work out what feels right for your family and go with it. The only thing I wouldn't do is tell him he has to walk and then give in to his tantrums. Stick to whatever you decide as far as possible so he knows exactly where he stands.

A buggy board might be a good way to help with the transision from riding to walking.He could choose when to ride and feel secure and walk when it feels more comfortable.

I hope you find a good solution soon.

Thank you.
Buggyboard thought is interesting. I did used to have a buggy board when he was smaller (and DS2 still a tiny baby). It didnt work at all then as Ds1 was running off too much. I sold it! Will have a good think about getting another one. Undecided as to whether he will get on with it or not still!

At the moment, his tantrums and refusing to walk tend to make us late for things and make me stressed rather than stopping DS from enjoying the things we do! Also if I insist on walking and he really doesnt want to then it can take us so long for us to get home/to where we are going that he sometimes ends up wetting himself! which is inconvenient in terms of getting him changed etc

We went to the museum earlier and took the car. DS1 ran off several times in the museum plus went in the buggy while DS2 (only just turned 2 and absolutely loves walking everywhere despite doing so at a snails pace ) walked back to the car.
I think I am swinging towards getting the buggy, but still worrying it is more for MY convenience and perhaps not entirely in the best interests of Ds1

hi Fel1x
has your DS been checked for hypotonia or any medical reason which may make it difficult for him to walk?
I would do whatever makes life easier for you.

Hi, i posted on your other thread about my dd's.

We have also just found out that dd1 (as) has hypotonia and low muscle tone.

Thanks for replying.
How would I find out if he has hypotonia/low muscle tone?
We are in process of arranging to go to bibic with him, would it be something I could ask there?

Fel1x- dd1 is very bendy (hypotonia), sleeps in very odd positions and she struggles to push doors open (low muscle tone) and does not have enough strength to pedal a bike, she also runs very stiffly and slowly.

I think you could use a dual approach.. buggy for long distances or nightmare scenarios (eg busy town shopping) but make your regular short trips.. walking to school etc, a 'walk only' that way from day one of (presumably a major buggy) your son will associate certain trips with walking and others with not.

It sounds as tho your DS is capable of walking, if at 4 he can use a scooter he must have reasonable coordination , so I personally wouldn't want to buggify his every outing, but you do need to be able to get places (and out of them) if the day isn't going well.

My son had a major from about 3 and it was a godsend. He has ASD MLD and hypotonia (wears splints, walks like Forest Gump...) as a 4 year old he was like jelly but gradually swung the other way to become quite stiff with tight hips and hamstrings, and we still use a wheelchair for long trips out, BUT we make him walk short distances because we felt it was important not to let him just sit there when he can walk a short way.

I think as long as you balance the use if legs with use of buggy..then it meets your needs as well as his

You do get some funny looks tho when your chid miraculously gets out and walks from a wheelchair/ major......:D

I like Macforme's idea of longer/more difficult journeys by buggy and save the walking for shorter/easier journeys.

I agree that it's also worth looking into things like muscle tone. My ds1 tires very easily because it takes a lot of effort to walk anywhere. The main signs with him are that he looks quite floppy and can bend himself into all sorts of odd positions without even trying.

Thirding the previous 2 posts, since that's exactly what we do with DS2, who is almost 4, with autism and hypotonia. The 1km walk each way to school is done with him in his major, most of the time. Shopping trips usually involve him in his buggy or being put in a shopping trolley seat. Those trips are nigh on impossible and often end in physical pain for me otherwise. A recent trip to IKEA when we didn't have room in the car for his buggy had me at my wits' end as he kept dropping to the floor to inspect all the imperfections and even lick it.

Short walks of 5-10 minutes, locally, where it's not crowded are almost always with him on foot, unless I have a lot to carry or DS1 is being very difficult and I need to concentrate on keeping him safe (ie frogmarch him).

Yes, would definitely do that. Buggy would be reserved for busy places, long days out or longer walks.
We walk to and from school every day now and because it is a familiar, very quiet route and only 10 mins each way he is absolutely fine with that (he does scoot rather than walk though)

Side question - the only way I can think of getting a bugy that he fits into and also takes DS2 is to get a double major - is that going to be ok for DS2 who is just turned 2??

The major isn't very supportive and doesn't recline, so if DS2 likes a sleep in his buggy, it might not work very well.

I have just bought DS 2.8 but so tall he is off the charts a baby city jogger mini. I read fab reviews and some were from ASD children's parents with 6 year olds. I can see us having to use it for town etc.. for a very long time to come. Is light weight, perfect for tall and heavy children and a dreaem to fold.

Hope to help!

is it like this one?
It doesnt look that big... i wonder if mothercare have it so i can try DS in one....

no thats the model down - the micro. it's the mini, it has a higher and deeper seat.

hi
just to add. When DS2 was smaller he was like this.
I figured that for him it was a fera thing, a transition thing. It may be the same with your son as he walks on familiar routes.

I helped him by making sure he understood where we were going and how long he would be walking for ( in terms he could understand - at the earliest stages I used pictures of where we were going).
Then I would walk him in confident determnined fashion .
It took ages tbh and at the satrt we would have to stop at times for me to reassure him.
But he is 13 now and I am hugely grateful that I did it, as hard as it was, or else I suspect that in common with some ofthe teenagers at his school, he would still have difficulties.

So I think that whilst there may be a physical aspect which you need to consider, you may also want to try and figure if this is a control/fear/transition issue. Had I not dealt with it life would have been very tricky when we moved home. He had to trust that going out for a walk would be something that he was able to cope with