could use some advice and suggested I ask you lovely ladies.

[DidEinsteinsMum]

I know that advice from you lovely ladies was the first thread that i ever started when i joined mn. However as i have severe foot in mouth disease i felt it best to insult talk to others where things less sensitive. However i was advised to speak to you as you are the experts.

Background: ds very bright, early developer, socially backwards but aware. Major behavioural issues. this time last year 14 specialists and a caf meeting where they all patted themselves on the back for ticking a few(but not enough boxes) with each department and passing on. Finally settled him down and he was due to start school but had unrealistic epxectations.So i asked for some advice to manage this. original threadlp?pg=2 here

Thankfully things seemed ok when he started in september, although as i decided to start a course at the same time i havent been about/involved very much. He appeared to be enjoying school mostly with only the odd little complaint about lack of stimulus. he liked seeing his friends. Now this is no longer in G&T because it is more sn. He is having major issues with his social skills and whilst the other kids generally seem to like him they choose not to interact with him during playtimes because (i suspect) he is interacting in a way that they deem to be inappropriate, a bit too rough, a bit too out of control etc. everything i have seen him do in other situations. Now this has been combine with a term which has seen a hell of a lot of change and there is just complete and utter meltdown going on. he is turning inwards and becoming more insular in some respects and trying to attention seek in others.

I need a meeting with school due to some very out of control behaviour and need to talk it through. we have a home/school book but the school never filled it in (although i have done) plus they seem to think that he has been coping absolutely fine so no idea where this terms meltdown has come from. This despite me having a rather intense discuss over out of school uniform days and their effect, thus my choice to not send him in for them. Oh and the ed psych never happened. they didnt see the point?!?

I need to get him back on track but right now having just quit my course to sort this out i have no idea how to do this. advice please.

don't know if you have seen the abc approach of analysing behavioural issues (abc is antecdent, behaviour, consequence)- it's about spotting the triggers, so to try and nip problems in the bud at an early stage.

this link gives a good explanation www.bbbautism.com/e.news/vol.8/vol.8.iss.2.abc.plaintext.htm

just thinking that if you and school could look at behavioural issues in these terms, that school could think more about triggers and what could be avoided.....

it's difficult as there's only a limited amount of influence you can have if you are not there with him at school.

social stories might help, or other MNetters have recommended a book called "the unwritten rules of friendship" for general advice on social skills.

In terms of the professionals; not sure what sort of paed assessment you've had - whether your DS has had any sort of formal ASD assessment or not, and what your local system is re:assessment/outreach advisors to school etc. application for statutory assessment is of course one way of getting on the ed psych's radar....

he has had a formal assessment 7 on asd scale with 8 being diagnosis. but the report of what they thought i told them bore very little reference to what i did tell them and it was in a quiet 1:1 situation (adult to child) with stimulating actvities which always brought out his best side. My car is still broke from getting the assessment done and his meltdown before and after.

Will have another look at the social stories. He seemed to really get it when doing the story bit and if you talk it through after the event he can break it down. there seems to be a missing link with the right now doing part.

Will have a look at the website when less tired. He has only just gone to bed...

thank you total.

just seen this is on SN ed rather than SN - I would repost this onto the main SN board, as the education board is a lot less busy. The poster Clarissimo in particular knows a lot about ASD assessment (she's doing a Masters in ASD) so could comment further on that aspect. A particular assessment method called ADOS seems to be the most respected one, of a number that are used. Do you think you want to revisit looking for a diagnosis of ASD/ask for a second opinion?

tbh i am not sure that we will ever get a diagnosis of anything as i do an awful lot of work with his weaker aspects. he had a spell of ocd handwashing as a coping strategy that i have managed to break, he doesnt generally lash out in the same way. he is less obviously asd wise then he has ever been and yet he still has the same issues. its just he is very highfunctioning and can incorporate coping strategies. His biggest wish is to be just like everyone else. Its a shame that he doesnte know how to do this.

Which is considered the main sn board these days as i got very confused when they split it up into subsections.

main board is SN:children. I suppose in a way if school gives the right support then the need for a DX becomes less pressing, as parents and schools bear the brunt, the professionals have rather less regular and short contacts with the kids...

And i have got to the point where the specialist cause a lot of problems because of all the buck passing. TBH the thought of having to get people involved again fills me with dread. he had 14 different specialist last time. it was an absolute nightmare. And no body did anything. All i want is to have a boy who is has strategies he can employ to enable him to cope with daily life. I doubt it will ever really be better then that. but he is aware of too much and oblivious to all the key points for the solutions.

14 professionals involved . am off to bed now. you will find a range of opinion on SN board, people who have gone down 2nd opinion/private diagnosis/statementing etc route, if that's something you consider appropriate, now or in future. and bear in mind your DS is young, so a few years down the line, things may have changed. don't feel you have to rush into any decision urgently, work with him on the behaviour as you sound to have been doing so well, and see what school can come up with.

thank you. see you on the shiny side soon i hope.